The Trouble That Comes With Dating An OM - HIS HISTORY!!!

Ugh! So here it goes again! Throwing up a shield to protect myself from the arrow slinging, negativity spreading , unhappy trolls of the universe.

As most of you know, B has had a somewhat colorful history when it comes to women. Until he met and married his last wife (I call her XX. He he) of ten years, he was a "player."

During his first marriage ( I call that wife "X"), he and his wife cheated on each other mercilessly - he finally ending up with a fatal attraction!!! He and Fatal Attraction dated for six months. He assumed he was safe from the whole "Leave your wife for me" argument because they were BOTH married. He made it clear that he wasn't going to leave his family and she made it clear (or so he thought) that she wasn't going to leave her husband. Well, he and "X" decided to quit cheating on each other and enter counseling (for the millionth time). So, he broke up with Fatal Attraction, making it clear that he and X were gonna work on things. Weeeellll, Fatal Attraction didn't like that, so she (1) tells her husband everything. Husband wants to kick B's *** (good luck, pal), B has restraining order issued on Fatal's hubby;(Why hubby didn't want to kick Fatal's ***, I'll never understand) (2) Fatal comes to B's home and has coffee with X, telling her everything imagineable about their relationship; (3) When X sends Fatal on her way, she and B hit counseling harder than ever; (4) Fatal sees X AND CHILDREN on the highway and almost runs them off the road and (5) Fatal sees B, X and children in mall and starts shrieking and screaming at X. THE GRANDE FINALE was Fatal prints up hundreds of flyers and disburses them amongst the small community in which we live. The flyers detail their affair. B is humiliated. Embarrassed. And, best of all, has been taught a huge lesson about the wheel of true karma. Ye sow, so shall ye reap!!!

But karma still had MORE in store for B! He loved XX very, very much. She was young, sweet and doesn't have a mean bone in her body. But she was toooooo young (mentally, emotionally) She'd suffered a great deal when she was younger at the hands of some really bad fellas; she is one of the most sickly human beings I have ever met - almost died during pregnancy, almost died AFTER a pregnancy, had surgery here, surgery there. In the ten years they were married, B had to deal with her various hospitalizations, their tiny baby boy almost dying from some bizarre digestive track deformation (and spending 7 months in a hospital. Do you KNOW how expensive that can be???), their house burning down, his father passing away and invitably, their divorce. My point about this being that through all of these horrid trials and tribulations, he was as faithful as could be to XX. He wouldn't even LOOK at another woman. He was loyal and faithful and true. For ten solid years.

Which brings us to me. The happy little sprite that worships the ground he walks on! The girl that meditates and prays daily that he have a happy, pretty carefree life from here on to the end of his days. The person that prays for no more drama or Jerry Springer-esque issues rearing their ugly heads.

HOWEVER, remember Fatal? Ahhh. The legacy of Fatal. The community we live in is pretty small and everyone who's eye I was raised under (men B's age) have all warned me about the "player" that B is! I am getting warnings right and left. And when I ask why, they ALL tell me the LEGEND OF FATAL!!! No one has any new evidence to offer me. No one has anything to report that happend post-fatal, except for the fact that after XX divorced him, he "...seemed to date around a lot." Oh no! A newly divorced man DATING?? How SCANDALOUS! He even had a man, that was an alleged friend of his, tell my 19 year old sister that I'd better watch out because B is a total player. When pressed for evidence, no one can come up with anything beyond THE LEGEND OF FATAL.

No one seems to remember his quiet decade where he dedicated his heart and soul to the spiritual growth of a young woman who merely outgrew her love and need for him. No one seems to remember what an emotional wreck this man was after XX left him for a younger, wealthier physician. No one seems to understand that B has paid his dues for being young and foolish and would now love to live a quiet, peaceful life with me.

And no one seems to take into consideration the vulnerable position he is in by allowing himself to be with me in the first place. He's already been in an OM/YW relationship and she grew and left him! [Of course, the difference between she and I are that (a) I don't need a "hero" or anyone to "save" me; (b) while I worship him, I thoroughly accept the fact that he IS a mere mortal with human flaws and (c) I believe that growth is possible without separation.]

He and I discussed this at length the other night. His feelings were hurt that people who were supposed to be his friends were using ancient history to hurt my feelings - or think that they need to "save" me from him. I had to let him know that I had the deepest, most pure-hearted faith in him than one could ever imagine possible. And as a matter of fact, it was BECAUSE I had all of the above information, that I could trust him so much. Everyone in the world loved MY ex-husband to pieces - but he cheated on me like a mutha and no one ever suspected it.


(sigh) So, I guess the point I'm making is that one of the drawbacks of being with an OM is the fact that they have a HISTORY. Now, if you are lucky, one of the benefits is that your OM LEARNED from mistakes made in his history and forgives himself for all of the mistakes he has made. I forgive him for it and I am not going to hold his past against him. But I'm not naive either. My eyes are wide open. I just don't see B doing anything like this to me, ever.

How many of you fellas out there were cheating skirt chasers in your youth? Any of you guys ever have a Fatal? ROFLMAO.

Happy

Happy,

Small community huh? Dunno We have one traffic light here in our town (that is if we drive the 5 miles to town.......one of those towns where the term 'wait for traffic' means sit there for 5 minutes untill you see a car) so IF I had done that here I'm guessing you would be able to buy the book by now

Even at that rate, rumors around here spread like wildfire. So when C and I got together my EX's rumors of my being a player were more than enough for both friends and un-knowns to tell C to be watchful of me. That I would no doubt only take advantage of her and toss her aside when I was through.

So yes I can surely relate to your troubles even if mine did not have any actual basis behind them.
I did have a "fatal" once in my youth however this was a girl that chased me for years, that I had never even gone on a date with! The girl WAS pyscho!! Would go to girlfriends of mine and tell them about some 'hot' date we had been on hoping they would get mad and break up with me so that then she would finally have me to herself.

Gee thanks for bringing back that chilling memory Happy

Guess my point is, ALL loves get tested by outsiders. For every 10 well wishers theres bound to be one nay sayer that feels so sure you'll be hurt that they just HAVE to warn you! That can be a friend, family member, co-worker, neighbor that sits on their roof with binoculars

I'd just say don't listen to the meddlers, enjoy what you have going unless you see something for your own eyes that gives you doubt (from the sounds of it you don't have a worry)

Not much help to you, but thought I'd respond anyhow.

Don

Oh Don! No help needed; I was really just sharing something I thought was funny and mildly annoying; and hoping that this HAD happened to someone else! And it looks like it has!

B even talked to his son (as one of the "accusers" was allegedly one of B's son's friends) and his son laughed and said "Hey, dad, we all have that image on the beach (meaning he and his brother.)"

I, personally, in my unbaised opinion, think its because they are all so good looking.

And hey!! HEY!!! Wait a minute, there's a guy on the roof across the way with binoculars and its....its...a BIG PURPLE JIZZ-A-SAURAS!!! Grrrrrrrrrrr. (Roaring with laughter here...)

Healthfully,
Happy

Happy...

No one ever said that 'true love' would ever be easy ;-)

Interesting read...your story. Seems to me like you love him to bits... if you do...who really reads history.

It may seem funny, but I wonder about all the other guys that are 'warning' you about B. Something tells me they would love to disillusion you...and maybe see if you are open to other OM. ;-) Some just like to stir the pot and see if you will act 16...or like a mature women.

One of the things that used to trip ME up was that my lover was sooo mature and really didnt act at all like 21. When I look at her...every once in a while, i have to remind myself that her youthgul looks do not indicate her maturity. Thank G*d!!!! I think those that 'warn' you maybe expect you to act like some immature twenty-something. Just ignore them and pursue your heart.

You can not guarantee another's fidelity...even tho we would love to. Sounds like B is worth the risk...Go for it...and ignore all those who have never had 1/10th of the happiness you are enjoying.

As for the history of B...and baggage...don't tell me you were a virgin before B. ;-) I know you have shared differently. Our past can truly be something we both can learn from. Although I must admit that FATAL might be fodder for the National Enquirer. I really haven't had that type of thing happen to me at all. I tend to ignore those folks who are just sharing ignorance...and live my life the way I feel fit. Call me stubborn...resolute...or plain weird... ;-) There is too much life to live with my lover...and just not enough time.

Thanks for sharing, Happy.

The IrishKid....

Originally posted by IrishKid
Happy...As for the history of B...and baggage...don't tell me you were a virgin before B. ;-) I know you have shared differently. The IrishKid....

Bwah ha ha. Of course I was. My marriage to D was never consummated. ROFLMAO.

But seriously, I HONESTLY think that image of a wolf-like, predatory OM and an INNOCENT (batting eyelashes) lamb of a YW is one of the most obnoxious predjuices we face as OM/YW couples.

If people had only warned B of the masses of sobbing men I have left a trail of...ROFLMAO. (My first boyfriend, my ex husband and a small handful of guys I went out on dates with in the 'tween time. Compared to B, I AM a virgin. ROFLMAO.)

Happy

Happy....

Me too....it was always THEM that had the history...I was fresh as the snow... ;-)

I agree...it is sooo easy to blame the age gap...and try to make it an issue. Actually, I think the om/yw fall into (at least) two categories. The first kind is where the relationship is loving...and long term...and they are on the board to just find out how they are doing. They are moving forward...no hesitation...just details to work out...

The other type (yw), seems to have 'accidentally' found themselves with an OM....and find they like it...and are wondering whether they like the flavor of vanilla or chocolate....OM vs YM.

I think when you find that both of you are in the first category...the direction is set...just work through the details. They may not be insignificant...but they will be worked through...you have the emotional and relational maturity to do so.

HMmmmmm...so I have spouted off about my bias...oh well....such is life.

an INNOCENT (batting eyelashes) lamb of a YW

What a good laugh....thank you, Happy... ;-)

The IrishKid

Any time I can make ya laugh is a GOOD day for me! It makes me...Happy. Duh-huh-huh-huh.

Besides, the board has been SO SERIOUS lately, I thought you guys might enjoy the sordid details of a hilarious situation. I mean, FATAL wasn't funny when she was happening to B, but lawd almighty is it ever funny NOW! It cracks me up!

However, I must insist that you quit soiling my virginal image. Bwah ha ha.

And you are right about the kind of OM/YW relationship I'm in. I love that man to utter bits and pieces and I CERTAINLY would never let his past put a damper on our relationship. My trouble, honestly, sometimes, is that I punish B for D's (the ex's) past!!! Try as I might, sometimes, I cannot help transferring my mistrust and anger toward D to B. Luckily, B loves me and is patient with me and very concious of what I've been through during my marriage to D!

He's my man!!!

Oh so in love (but waiting for marriage...virtuously)

Happy

(a)Firstly, I always HATED algebra, but Happy, for the first time EVER, I can say it was interesting - and made SENSE!

B+X/FA-FA-X +XX S+D-XX

+H4Me

=Pure Love.

(b) No, never ever been a skirt chasing cheater. When I was in a ten year relationship I thought, "Gosh, when I'm out of this, I'm sure gonna give in to all those women." Once out of relationship realized further equation. Sex minus love=0
Realized that by actually not having sex. That is, (much to my surprise) had no desire for stranger sex and worked out reason for my complete, total and utter (and to me, astonishing) lack of desire. That was ten years ago.
Nothing much has changed. Totally capable of fidelity because I'm not chasing skirt when I'm single, so why on earth when I'm with someone I love?

(c) Not much "history" here. A woman who hooks up with me will not have to contend with any ex-wives, children, or scandal...substance abuse, criminal record, burning houses or interstate fleeing. They will have to make do with the thought of one ex-girlfriend and one very dearly loved dog, now departed.

(d) Had two hilarious and persistent fatals. I personally enjoy being on the receiving end of the ring and hang-up routine and seem to miss it when it abates.

Would have to add here that it is truly INCREDIBLE (in addition to the fatals) the FURY that can be unleashed when a woman realizes I'm not interested in a sexual entanglement. Been on the end of that one innumerable times. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned... even when you don't think you're scorning them. Very friendly one day - flaming meteors the next. Oh, that would be "conditional" attention would it...?

(e)

...No one seems to remember his quiet decade... No one seems to remember what an emotional wreck this man was... No one seems to understand that B has paid his dues... And no one seems to take into consideration...

I now do.

(f) That pair of binoculars I have must be EXTREMELY POWERFUL because, yes, I am currently sitting on a roof, yes, I have them trained on you, and they're focussing in from Melbourne, Australia. (Even a day ahead time difference didn't help me in the Happy birthday stakes.)

(g) Thanks for the info on the red-cheeked and what it means. I now feel suitably

(h)... and I MUST finish with this...because this is even better than "healthfully".

...their house burning down, his father passing away and invitably, their divorce.

...which could be "invariably' or even "inevitably"...the reason it could be both lends it, I say, it's rare POWER.

I would like to one day be standing in front of a large crowd... making the most impassioned, from the heart speech about love and honor and all the good stuff... have them in the palm of my hand... then finish with some incredible use of the word INVITABLY! ...and watch their faces.

(Although I don't think I could top houses burning down and father's dying and all the rest...)

Yes, I got your George W. message! It was, as usual, excellent. I must also add that I have edited out more than ten thousand typos in my posts alone, (this particular post had 236) - so... so... so just so you know.

Phew. Okay, that's it from me.

ROARING with laughter on my end! No little "ROFLMAO" is going to be suitable. It was *supposed* to say "inevitably"!!! I said I was a f-a-s-t typist. LOL.

And a big, giant silver cup to you for the algebraic (is THAT a word?) equation!!! That was hilarious.

And, if you want, I'm sure a number of folks on the board would LOVE to call and hang up on you! Post your number fella!!! We could call you and shout into the phone "A dingo ate my baaa-by." Tee hee hee (Big Evil Grin)

Love ya!!!
Happy