age gap issues

Hi everyone, I'm a new poster here. Since you're all such brilliant advice-givers (grin) I thought maybe someone would have thoughts on my situation...

I'm 21 years old and involved in a serious relationship with J who's 40. That's not the problem, of course. Between us everything is wonderful...I've never had this kind of connection with anyone before, I know I'm young but I really believe this is the love of my life and all of that cheesy junk. From the first time we met it's like something just clicked between us. I've always felt sort of distant from people my own age, like I was from a different planet than all of them. I also graduated from school a couple years early and went straight to university, yes that probably didn't help me connect to boys my age. But with J...ok I'll stop before it gets really mushy.

The problem comes from other people's reaction to our relationship. J was very reluctant to tell his friends about it, which I understand, and once he did they sort of cautiously tolerate it but I know they think he should be with someone his own age. The words "midlife crisis" have definitely been said, lol. (J was married in his 20s but had been divorced years before I met him so it's not about that.) I have to admit it is fairly weird, socially I'm not used to hanging out with middle-aged people w/ kids!

My father and stepmother have also been less than pleased with the situation. I don't live with them and I support myself financially, it's not that they can tell me what to do, but I grew up with my dad as a single father, and it's hard for me to deal with the fact that what I'm doing with my life makes him so unhappy. My dad acts like I'm with J just to spite him, which couldn't be farther from the truth but he won't even give the relationship a chance. The last time I called my dad he hung up on me, he's so angry about it.

It's also hard on J because, come on, no one likes being treated like a sicko. He's never dated anyone so much younger than him before (his ex-wife and previous girlfriends have been right around his age) and I know that for him it's not about having a trophy girlfriend. I had to push him so hard to get him to first act on the feelings he had for me. We got together despite my age not because of it.

It's still worth it to me to be with him but these things do get frustrating. Sometimes I wish we could just be alone together all the time and never have to deal with the rest of the world at all.