O' Dilema, Dilema, Dilema

[Softiee19]

Okay so now that I have made the desicion to have this baby I have run into another fork in the road.

How do I tell my mother? I know my mother well and she will probably try to castrate T! And Im not kiddin!

So anyone have any ideas how to break it to her, without jepordizing T junior?

Break it down to her gently and make sure your OM is wearing a pair of cast iron Fruit of the Looms. Just in case, tell her when there's no sharp objects in her reach.

I would be extremely upbeat and positive about the news, like its the best news you have ever told her. Don't be sheepish or act ashamed. Pretend you're telling her that you just won $50 million in the lotto...

"Mom, GUESS WHAT!!!!! I'm having a baby!!!! And I'm so excited and I am going to be the best mom ever, and you're going to be the best grandma ever, and we're going to love this baby so much that I can hardly even contain my overwhelming joy!!!!!!"

If she rains on your parade after that, then to hell with her.

rotflmao!

Emmie, I just love your style to bits!

Softiee, what Emmie said - be strong, be courageous - you have obviously thought this through, be true to yourself and take pride in your decision.

Hey softiee... I am sorry that your all stressed out you shouldn't be... so don't ok...... Your mother won't hurt ANYONE..... First tell her calmly and break it to her gently... and do exactly what Emmie said... being upbeat and happy about will show her your emotions about it....... if she doesn't accept it.... but you know something she is not what matters....you and your baby is what matters... Either she will come around or not... and she may not right away but she will eventually... stand your ground and DON'T STRESS it's not good for the baby!!!!


BTW How many weeks are you???

Maybe you could write her a long heartfelt letter explaining things.

That migh give her some time to calm down and process everything instead of having a knee jerk reaction.

Good Luck.

Edit: T could write a letter too.

Accept this: She's gonna be pissed.

She might even get REEEEAAALLLLL pissed.

She might go off on you with horrible things, she'll probably think to herself a zillion more horrible things that she won't tell you, and she'll be very emotional.

In any case, she will come around to being thrilled. Is this her first grandchild? OH, yeah. She'll be jubilant. But maybe not right away.

As for T? The issue is not whether your mother likes T. She may very well NEVER like him. But as long as she's not sitting T, Jr. down when he's four years old and telling him his daddy is a bad, bad man, it shouldn't matter. She'll love her grandchild. She loves you. And someday, just maybe someday, she might love T. But we can't ask for miracles. Or at least not too many of them in one lifetime. And you've already got one coming, so be happy.

Steel yourself in case she jumps into a hurtful tirade. If she does try to give her the benefit of the doubt (i.e. that at the end of the day she loves you) and give her the space to get it all out while you calmly listen and answer her questions.

Above all else, remember to tell her that you love her and you respect her opinion. Validate her as a mother, as a person and someone you love. Just because she may not agree with your choices and vice versa does not mean that you two can't still love and respect each other - it's called agreeing to disagree.

Finally, no matter how bad it gets never stop attempting to communicate with her for your sake and your child's sake.

Good luck.

Softiee, just wondering how this went. Please update us.

Thanks.

[Softiee19]

Well I havent told my mother yet :** Im thinking christmas... hehhe :** I know, i know i need to tell her.. Im just not ready for the yelling yet :**

Christmas will be a good time.. :**

[Lola]

Perhaps the answer maybe floating around on another thread, but why are you delaying telling your mother?

[PinkPanther_04]

There's a chance, Softie, that the longer you put off telling her the worse it's going to make her feel. Unless she's a horribly vindictive person (and I really haven't gotten that impression) she will want to share this part of your life with you. This is her grandchild. I'm sure she will love your child as much as any other grandmother ever has, regardless of her feelings about T. Only you really know what the situation is between her and T and the problems involved there, because only you are dealing with it on a daily basis, but I think the longer you wait the more distanced she is going to feel from your life.

You could always try the "hey mom, guess what I got you for Christmas?" approach.

Seriously, I'd just sit her down and be frank and open and honest with her. I don't know your moter, but it'll probably go over better if you and T are both there - it'll look like you're accepting responsibility, rather than avoiding it. Especially if he knows she doesn't like him. That takes guts, and eventually she'll respect him for it, if not right away.

Oh yeah, and make sure you're between her and T.

[Jody<3]

Well, I do know one thing...don't put it off for too long. I distinctly remember I put off telling my mother until I was 7 months pregnant, and that didn't go over well at all. I did not exactly hide my pregnancy, I just didn't tell her.

Also, it might be a little harsh when you first break the news.....but as a little time passes, it will end up being okay. The telling is the hard part. *hugs* Its gonna be fine! My mother was very upset at first (of course, 7 months is a long time to wait), but as she adjusted to the idea...she came around. And, shoot, who could blame her. It took me a bit to adjust to the idea myself.... *smiles*

Softee... there isnt any good time to chose... I would just tell her... Remember you have to think of this child and if she sits there and abuses you You get up and walk out.. You just say to your mom you love her and this is your decision and You will be there for her when she comes around.. but if she doesn't then you need to know tht this baby is your number one concern.....Although id on't think Christmas is the right time.... Softee whatever you decide will be right for you but be compassionate still but don't take abuse either...

Good Luck Let us know