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Thread: How to capture an OM across the sea?

  1. #1
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    How to capture an OM across the sea?

    My best gf took a 1 week vacation to Puerto Rico, there is a thread about that somewhere around. There she met an old college buddy, and they had a great time. They went out, danced, walked on the beach, drank champagne, he was a perfect gentleman (they did have sex though). He is divorced and wants to get married again. He is about 58, she is 57. She is very pretty, fun and interesting, but overweight. He is handsome, and in good shape. She likes him a lot.

    Now she is asking me advise on how to capture him over the internet because "I am the resident expert on turning LDRs into marriage". But every suggestion I give her, she rejects, reminding me that my love was in his 20s while hers is in his late 50s, and that things like frequent camming, watching movies simultaneously, having shared music sessions, cybering, are not for older guys.

    Any advise? I honestly do not know what to say short of advising her to go back to PR every few months, but that is expensive (we did that too, seeing each other 3 times a year and it was $$$).

    Eagerly waiting for your advise guys, and chicas!
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  2. #2
    thatoneperson's Avatar
    thatoneperson is offline Senior Member
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    With a tranquilizer gun and net.

    I suppose they could have fun with phone dates, though I can't imagine what those rates would look like. Did she reject your suggestions because she's tried them and they haven't worked, or has she not even bothered? My OM never really IMed or used his webcam or cybered before meeting me, but now he's completely comfortable doing all of those things. The worst thing her OM can do is say no, right?

  3. #3
    truckman Guest
    Fly to PR.
    Buy a casket.
    Club man over head.
    Put man in casket.
    Put o2 tank in casket.
    Put mask on man.
    Ship casket home.

    Unpack. Enjoy man.

    Silliness aside, why can't she just be straight with the guy so he knows she's interested and to what degree. If they're both very into each other, they might be able to accommodate each other over the distance for a while, and maybe even move closer, sooner.

    That's a practical answer of course and not a romantic, slowly unfolding answer.

  4. #4
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    One Person: She is not technology oriented, she has never cammed or cybered, she cannot even download her own songs. On top of that, she thinks those things are silly.

    Truckman Honest coversation is something that I would have done. After all, one week is enough time to know if he is interested in following up.

    So far he keeps sending her Black Berry chats, but not much more than that. Also, she says he does not communicate on weekends. Maybe he has another gf? Why else would he not communicate on weedends?
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  5. #5
    truckman Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by SheLikesKitties View Post
    So far he keeps sending her Black Berry chats, but not much more than that. Also, she says he does not communicate on weekends. Maybe he has another gf? Why else would he not communicate on weedends?
    Maybe he's busy.

    Hobbies, yardwork, remodeling, visiting kids/friends/parents, on a weekend getaway (camping, out with the guys, etc).

    There could easily be 100 reasons why he didn't reply on weekends, aside from having a girlfriend.

    Also, their week together could have just been a fairly meaningless, reminiscing fling.

  6. #6
    pinkunicorn's Avatar
    pinkunicorn is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by SheLikesKitties View Post
    But every suggestion I give her, she rejects, reminding me that my love was in his 20s while hers is in his late 50s, and that things like frequent camming, watching movies simultaneously, having shared music sessions, cybering, are not for older guys.
    That's an interesting assumption. My (almost) 55 year old OM is as tech savvy as I am, and we actually prefer to text or IM back and forth when he's away on business, rather than talk on the phone.

    I think she's just using those as "excuses". If she really wanted to chat with him, and if he really wanted to chat with her, they'd find a way.

    Depending on what he's saying on their Blackberry chats (which I'm figuring is basically texting back & forth), he might just not be as into her as she is into him. Unfortunately, that's life. If he's not interested, there is absolutely nothing she can do to capture him.

    Men and their free will . LOL
    Never try to fit in when you are meant to stand out.


  7. #7
    gorillagirl Guest
    On *his* end, having sex during a week visit is not necessarily an indication of a budding relationship. He could easily have another GF or GFs. He needs to make the effort, pay and fly to where SHE lives for the next visit.

  8. #8
    truckman Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by pinkunicorn View Post
    That's an interesting assumption. My (almost) 55 year old OM is as tech savvy as I am, and we actually prefer to text or IM back and forth when he's away on business, rather than talk on the phone.
    Except for the people who aren't tech savvy. My g/f, who is 21 and a master of "texting" on her cell phone, has no idea what a mouse is for. She's used a computer maybe twice in her life, even though living here she's surrounded by them.

    Not everyone has an ethernet jack in their butt you know :-D

  9. #9
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    Apparently the next visit will be another visit she will make to PR. Why? Because we are working mid Dec. in St. Kitts & Nevis and the flight from Panama has to stop in PR, so I advised her to stay an extra day or two, or an extra week or two, (as to spend Xmas with her parents there) after we finish our assignment.

    She is concerned that this will seem too much, too soon, but I told her that in LDRs, the best thing is to see each other as often as you can. Besides, she is Puerto Rican, and has all the reasons in the world to visit PR.

    Also, she and him text every day, once a day.

    When she told him that she MAY be going mid Dec, he answered... "You left some yogurts here, so they will be here for you". Apart from concerns about expiration dates (Ha ha), would not that be considered an invitation to once again stay with him? Otherwise he could have told her, "sure, I will be busy, but we will see what we can do to see each other at least once while you are in PR".

    As you can see I am her official Romance Counselor, so keep bringing up the advice! She is more nervous than a 15 yr old teen girl, and calls me twice a day for reassurance.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  10. #10
    truckman Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by gorillagirl View Post
    He needs to make the effort, pay and fly to where SHE lives for the next visit.
    Expectations will get you nowhere.

    Better to call, send an email, make contact in some way and be up front about what one is hoping for.

    Otherwise, everything else done in lieu of that is potentially a painful waste of time.

  11. #11
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    Quote Originally Posted by gorillagirl View Post
    On *his* end, having sex during a week visit is not necessarily an indication of a budding relationship. He could easily have another GF or GFs. He needs to make the effort, pay and fly to where SHE lives for the next visit.
    He is planning to travel to Panama in January.

    Only time will tell.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  12. #12
    MissMuffins's Avatar
    MissMuffins is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by SheLikesKitties View Post
    Now she is asking me advise on how to capture him over the internet because "I am the resident expert on turning LDRs into marriage". But every suggestion I give her, she rejects, reminding me that my love was in his 20s while hers is in his late 50s, and that things like frequent camming, watching movies simultaneously, having shared music sessions, cybering, are not for older guys.
    Your friend is incorrect. The number of people in their 50's and older who are in marriage counseling and divorce court over Internet affairs and online dating serves as proof of that.

    My SO is in his early 60's and his "addiction" to online dating nearly ended our relationship.

    Your friend may be rejecting your suggestions because they seem sordid to her--many people feel that way about the things we do to maintain a relationship over distance.

    She may be saying one thing--Sheila, I can't do that!--while doing another.

    It's possible that the things you suggest are too "advanced" for your friend at this stage in her budding relationship. My aunt and her new husband, who are in their late 70's & early 80's, courted via email.

    How did she respond when you suggested "sweet/keeping in touch" Email, which lead to Email with attached photos, which lead to chat sessions, etc. as opposed to the "romantic/sexy" kind of electronic communications?

    Also remind your friend to practice safe sex. While pregnancy may no longer be a concern, STDs are.

    MM
    "Our past is a story existing only in our minds. Look, analyze, understand, and forgive. Then, as quickly as possible, chuck it." ~ Marianne Williamson

  13. #13
    Redhead's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gorillagirl View Post
    On *his* end, having sex during a week visit is not necessarily an indication of a budding relationship. He could easily have another GF or GFs. He needs to make the effort, pay and fly to where SHE lives for the next visit.
    I agree with you - absolutely. He should fly to where she lives, and if he never has time on weekends, I would strongly assume he has at least one gf.
    It is hard to be a "counselor" for a friend who is in such a situation, but I would prepare myself for making her read the "he is not that much into you" book.

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