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Thread: I broke up today too----pulled the trigger before it was too late

  1. #1
    Blue-Angel75's Avatar
    Blue-Angel75 is offline Blue Angel
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    I broke up today too----pulled the trigger before it was too late

    Hello team!!


    Well there seems to be a lot of this going around.

    I am not perfect, nor do I claim to be at all. I don't have all the right answers, and or even the wrong 'right' answers.
    I may not always make the best judgement call decisions, but I do know myself well enough.

    As some of you may remember I started seeing a mid 40s gal, for the most part a good 90% everything has been smooth. We communicate A LOT. 3 months old.
    Her physical qualities are more than any man could look for, she is all that and more (to me anyway)

    I have been feeling pretty anxious the last few weeks, and I started to dig deep down. I discovered that I am not into her as much as a boyfriend should be.

    I have looked at this situations from all angles. I took 2 full weeks before pulling the trigger, to make sure that this is the right decision.

    We were supposed to travel for 4 days during the lsat week of December, and she promised me that I would not be able to walk after that she is fun

    Well the fact that she followed me home on two occasions to me is a little too close for comfort. I don't like stuff like that. I had shared this with Chi77 and she found it a little too far edged as well.

    This week I watched a movie, which I do 2 times per week on youtube, and one of the lines hit gold for me:

    "Just because two people love eachother, it does not mean that they are meant to be together" Hit petrolium with that line!!


    So going away with her for the sakes of spending xmas with somebody did not make any sense.

    Today we met for a coffee, and I ended it. She tried to put things into perspective, but I had already made the decsion.
    I explained that it had nothing to do with her personally, but that I just have too much on my plate---which is true, my business comes first, and if I feel something could endanger my business, I always take it out of the equation. I am not in love with her, and can't see this happening. Furthering the relationship, will only make my life miserable, and those around me.

    I tried hard, and I beleive 3 months is plenty of time to have have had my feet wet into this one.


    I will probably be really angry for a couple of weeks, but that's because I know she is hurting. After that I envision opening up the year strong, and more centered.


    Blue Angel
    "Mimic what successful people are doing, copy it, practice it, costumize it so that it suits you, I promise you this: you will not fail!"
    "If you don't create an opportunity, you will never experience failure--therefore never really experience successes" Both by me!

    If you flirt with me, I may just flirt right back at ya!

  2. #2
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    IMO, 3 months is still a young relationship, young enough for a break-up to be something anyone should be able to deal with. It should be understood it is a trial period. Sometimes it is sad when a good potential friendship is ruined by a failed romantic relationship, she seems like someone who could be a fun friend. But... c'est la vie.
    trolleycar likes this.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  3. #3
    Blue-Angel75's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SheLikesKitties View Post
    IMO, 3 months is still a young relationship, young enough for a break-up to be something anyone should be able to deal with. It should be understood it is a trial period. Sometimes it is sad when a good potential friendship is ruined by a failed romantic relationship, she seems like someone who could be a fun friend. But... c'est la vie.
    Aaaah you speak French too hu? come to Canada its our second official language. Spanish should be 3rd

    yes correct. We both agreed to be friends and be normal. Funny part is she is instigating a fight.
    She text me this after noon, telling me that she was putting up her xmas tree, that she had errands, money to spend, and that she had booked Belgium in January (she has family and owns property over there).

    She is very strange!!! I don't need to know all those things.

    I wished her a wonderful day! ---she replied: thank you


    When we met today, she told me that some day I was going to have everything, and that I would have NOTHING.

    I told her that yes, that was a possibility, but that I would be sane and happy in my head at least.

    Blue Angel
    "Mimic what successful people are doing, copy it, practice it, costumize it so that it suits you, I promise you this: you will not fail!"
    "If you don't create an opportunity, you will never experience failure--therefore never really experience successes" Both by me!

    If you flirt with me, I may just flirt right back at ya!

  4. #4
    pinkunicorn's Avatar
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    Sometimes you just know in your gut when it isn't going to work out for you. I'm glad you had the insight to end it once you realized this, rather than just "let's wait and see..." and drag it out.
    Blue-Angel75 likes this.
    Never try to fit in when you are meant to stand out.


  5. #5
    laurad121 is offline Senior Member
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    Sounds like a good decision. If you know in 3 months you know she isn't "the one" then it is more kind to end it I guess. I would have to be in the situation but only you know your heart. I think she probably feels more for you and that is why she texted what is going on with her today b/c she still wants that intimacy with you and wants to still be in contact.

  6. #6
    chi77 Guest
    I think you did the right thing too Blue Angel.

    What she said to you (I'm guessing you mean that she said some day YOU would have nothing and SHE would have everything?) was a nasty thing for her to say. Doesn't sound like something a person who wants to be friends with you would say. I also agree with laurad that she sent you that text because she still wants intimacy with you.

    IMHO if you try to be "friends" with this woman, it will backfire on you.
    MissMuffins and Redhead like this.

  7. #7
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blue-Angel75 View Post

    When we met today, she told me that some day I was going to have everything, and that I would have NOTHING.
    Ouch! What a nasty thing to say!
    I think you hurt her pride by dumping her.
    She seems like a revengeful person. Make sure she cannot harm you, or your reputation, in any way.
    trolleycar, Redhead and debralee like this.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

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    Blue-Angel75's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SheLikesKitties View Post
    Ouch! What a nasty thing to say!
    I think you hurt her pride by dumping her.
    She seems like a revengeful person. Make sure she cannot harm you, or your reputation, in any way.

    What she meant is that I have everything and that I am buyilding this life full of material things...but that in the end I would have nothing. (no love----from her???????)

    One of the reasons I struggled with her is because I have an incredible career that is not stopping---I am moving towards opening my own club at a large scale, so this is taking all my free time, and I had no time for her.
    She said to me many times that she wanted to be by my side and support me and help me...mean time I really did not nor need her help.

    She just wanted to get in my life too deep too fast, and this also put too many red flags.

    So I told her that whenever I had built my empire, that I would want to have a female in my life...she said that this female would only be there for my material things.....ect ect.

    I could come up with all kinds of excuses, but in the end, SHE was not the one for me.


    I saw her today at the gym and she was wearing all pink, so I went to say hello and be polite, I commented on how much pink she had that it looked great.

    She said: Well maybe you would have a pink shirt too, and prove your manhood.

    I looked at her and said: Well you see Rebecca I stand on strong grounds sweety, and from where I am, I got nothing to prove to you, or anybody else.

    She was so emberrassed, and she walked away.

    She does come across as a very vengeful person. I am staying away from her...I know she is into witchcraft, because she has so many books on black magic and **** like that. WHICH I only discovered towards the end of the relationship, as I kind of checked her bookcase out one day in conversation.



    Blue Angel
    "Mimic what successful people are doing, copy it, practice it, costumize it so that it suits you, I promise you this: you will not fail!"
    "If you don't create an opportunity, you will never experience failure--therefore never really experience successes" Both by me!

    If you flirt with me, I may just flirt right back at ya!

  9. #9
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blue-Angel75 View Post
    She does come across as a very vengeful person. I am staying away from her...I know she is into witchcraft, because she has so many books on black magic and **** like that. WHICH I only discovered towards the end of the relationship, as I kind of checked her bookcase out one day in conversation.

    Blue Angel
    I hope that YOU do not believe in withcraft. Just make sure you do not eat anything from uncertain origin in the next few weeks, or use shampoo or lotions that have been left unattended. I do NOT believe in witchcraft but I know that some spells and potions are made with disgusting ingredients that could make someone sick. Yuckk!
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  10. #10
    Blue-Angel75's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SheLikesKitties View Post
    I hope that YOU do not believe in withcraft. Just make sure you do not eat anything from uncertain origin in the next few weeks, or use shampoo or lotions that have been left unattended. I do NOT believe in witchcraft but I know that some spells and potions are made with disgusting ingredients that could make someone sick. Yuckk!
    I don't believe in withcraft NOR witchcraft

    I don't believe in stuff like that myself. Being Latino, yes I can be a little supersticious, but I have been in Canada for over 24 years

    She did a card reading at her house one night, it was fun and very accurate with my recent, current, and future life. It all made sense.

    She is a very smart gal, a ER doctor, with a twisted irish background. But those books really shocked me a lot!!
    She has brought me home made cookies to eat on 3 occasions, and I ALWAYS reject them---despite my ongoing cravings for sugars, sweet delicious sugars.

    I don't eat anything from other peoples hand too easily, it usually takes me many months before I will accept a meal cooked by a girlfriend. I am overly cautious.
    And as far as soaps and stuff like that, ONLY those that I purchase myself. I basically protect myself real good from getting food or stuff from others. Even a xmas gift she wanted to give me< i have rejected and said that it would be unfair to accept, given that we are no longer together at all.


    Bolue Angel
    "Mimic what successful people are doing, copy it, practice it, costumize it so that it suits you, I promise you this: you will not fail!"
    "If you don't create an opportunity, you will never experience failure--therefore never really experience successes" Both by me!

    If you flirt with me, I may just flirt right back at ya!

  11. #11
    Blue-Angel75's Avatar
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    HOLY!!!

    She JUST text me asking me if I wanted cookies from her new batch this Thursday. WTF
    "Mimic what successful people are doing, copy it, practice it, costumize it so that it suits you, I promise you this: you will not fail!"
    "If you don't create an opportunity, you will never experience failure--therefore never really experience successes" Both by me!

    If you flirt with me, I may just flirt right back at ya!

  12. #12
    trolleycar's Avatar
    trolleycar is offline I still play with trains
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    I agree with SLK three month is not what I would call a relationship in three month you do not even know her yet. what was her favorite color. was her a cat or dog person.
    And it seem that you only love your business. I do not how old you are but when a job or business is the only thing that you care about in your life .
    One of these days you are going to wait up and fine out you are 70 YO and you are all by your self.
    Believe me I know what I am talking about I just turned 72 and during me working life I was on call 24/7/365.
    AT the same time I do not remember eating Christmas dinner with the family more the may two or three times and I was called away from the Christmas dinner more times then I care to remember.
    Then my Mom passed away I was on a call in the middle of Texas. I was on an other call then Mom passed away. Luckily then my kid sister died I was home.
    After a year of not carrying about any thing. I had to retire I had meet the age of 65. and I got the framed award to tell that my 42 years was finished and we do not need you any more.
    Some younger person will do you job and we can pay then less than you. Don't let the door hit you in the butt on the way out.
    That is when I woke up and as it droned to that business think that employees are just like a piece of equipment you are used until You are not making enough money for the company then replace them.
    Now I have started tow businesses one is a photography studio and the other is a Travel Agency. the me niche the for the travel agency in Photography travel and tour.
    I work when I want To, do a the shoots for the clients that I want.
    I set my own hours and if I do not have a job to do then I can do as I please.
    I am the only one that sets the rules and I follow the rules that I want to follow. and the only one I have to blame is ME.
    And best of all I have met a gal from the UK she is American so when she moved to the States with me it was quick and easy. we are getting married soon and we have a 35 year age deference and she has a 12 year old daughter how I love to pieces and she calls me daddy. And to make her feel like she is part of the travel business she is now the VP of youth sales and believe it or nor she had sold four trips to Disney World and a cruise. She even has business cards. I guess what I am trying to say is stop and smell the Roses life is to short.
    Do not let a carrier be your life specially the way the large company's are down sizing and the government is putting more rules for the US business to have to tow the line. you should enjoy your life.
    I also not afraid when we have a client in the office to excuse my self and walk over to Deb and give her a big kiss. I say to the Client that I have not kiss Deb in over a hour.
    And most people think it is cute and that we are human. And It has help to finalize am trip. and we are not afraid to spend time with a client to talk about us. most have not met a couple with a thirty five year age spread.
    Also may it a guy thing The Deb and angel in my life I now have the two of the to keep out of harms way.
    Well I should stop now as I let my mind control my fingers on the Key broad.
    Last edited by trolleycar; 12-11-2012 at 09:55 PM.

  13. #13
    Stiletto's Avatar
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    The woman is obsessed with you. I know because I have in the past, in two relationships, displayed this sort of behaviour myself. I wish I could go back and rewrite my history on those two occasions, but I can't. I'd like to think I've outgrown that sort of thing, it's now been over 20 years since the last incident.

    You can't salvage anything there. No contact is the best option. A restraining order may be required at some point.. and the answer is no, I never went far enough for either fellow to need one.. but I did stalk them for a while, until I snapped myself out of it and moved on.

    In retrospect, I think I somehow sensed their infidelity and just couldn't bring the knowledge to the surface... as in both cases, that is exactly what was going on. A bit of no contact worked wonders.. in both cases they both came around again showing interest but I really had moved on!
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    I agree with a lot of things that have been said here. I agree that this woman does not sound like you could be just friends with her, and I completely agree with Stiletto that this woman sounds like she is obsessed with you. I hope you have not replied to her last text. Just do not reply to her at all anymore. No matter what she writes.

    I do not have the impression that you love your business only. No, you realize why this woman is not the right choice for you. In parallel your career seems to go very well, and why should you not enjoy that or slow down your activity for a woman who gives you reasons to see plenty of red flags (rightfully so!!!). When I read that the woman followed you home twice I thought "oh my god - this is high noon for alarm bells and a reason not to see somebody anymore".

  15. #15
    chi77 Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by Blue-Angel75 View Post
    What she meant is that I have everything and that I am buyilding this life full of material things...but that in the end I would have nothing. (no love----from her???????)

    One of the reasons I struggled with her is because I have an incredible career that is not stopping---I am moving towards opening my own club at a large scale, so this is taking all my free time, and I had no time for her.
    She said to me many times that she wanted to be by my side and support me and help me...mean time I really did not nor need her help.
    This is a scary woman. I think she wanted to be the queen of your empire. If I were you I would stay as far away as possible, and if she continues to make nasty comments, insinuations, offers etc. let her know you're not playing games.

    I'm sure you can handle this situation very well.

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