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Thread: What were you thinking? Or did you think at all?

  1. #1
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    Dec 2008

    What were you thinking? Or did you think at all?

    Both OW/YM and YW/OM relationships have faced a certain degree of issues from friends and family, either mild jokes, to outright threats of disownment. So share if you did consider all these issues when you were putting your toe in the water, so to speak, or were you just blind, not thinking at all, or not expecting any reaction?

    In my particular case, I originally was only thinking about cyber sex, and I did not even think I was going to fall in love. After all, Nick was not my first cyber partner, nor I was his, and those relationships only lasted a week or two. I remember those days when online couples would have online weddings in chatrooms, with online guests and everything. Those marriages lasted three weeks or a month and if by any chance they lasted 2 months it was like wow! I never had an online wedding. Maybe it would have jinxed us!
    eponavet and Angel like this.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  2. #2
    degausser is offline Senior Member
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    Feb 2012
    I'm of the "wasn't thinking at all" variety. We were friends first, and I knew he had a crush on me. I was single, and attracted to him. I thought it would just be a fling, and I don't give much thought to flings. I didn't plan on falling in love, and I definitely didn't plan on still being together 3 years later. I never had the "what will my friends and family think?" moment because I had no plans to tell anyone about my sex life.

    Haha maybe it is good you didn't have an online wedding....then you have to go through those messy online divorces
    eponavet and Angel like this.

  3. #3
    laurad121 is offline Senior Member
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    Nov 2010
    I wasn't thinking at all!Except what a hottie he is and that we would just have fun and it would never last. We are now coming up on the 2 1/2 year mark. I'm so glad I didn't overthink it
    eponavet, VenusDarkStar and Angel like this.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Yup, I'm with Laurad and Degausser ! We were friends who worked together, I had been widowed 2.5 yrs previous and just started dating again. I went out with 3 guys in their 40's and they all were a bit off ( 1 had a GF he neglected to mention, one became a stalker, one was just super flakey) So I said " To hell with it", I'll lose my " widow virginity" with my cute, younger friend from work. NEVER thought it would become a relationship, let alone a wonderful marriage !

    Here's to not thinking, and to flings turning into wedding rings !

  5. #5
    NY10's Avatar
    NY10 is offline Senior Member
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    Dec 2009
    New York, NY
    Wasn't thinking at all. It was all very out of the blue, we were friends for about a year, always flirted and a had a very "close" friendship, I cared very much for him but never thought it would turn into anything more until the one night he made his move. It felt so natural and like this was the way it was supposed to be. Once the relationship began no one batted an eye or said anything expect it was about time we finally admitted our love for each other.
    Angel, laurad121 and eponavet like this.

  6. #6
    pinkunicorn's Avatar
    pinkunicorn is offline Senior Member
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    Oct 2010
    We thought about it A LOT! We thought about the age difference. Our friendship. My young kids. His adult kids. We thought about the different stages our lives were in. We were both trying to be very logical about the whole thing, and we almost thought ourselves out of a relationship!

    There were many times both he and I fully intended to end our relationship. Rather than call or text, we both figured to wait until we saw each other again. Stuff like that is best done in person.

    But when we would see each other, all those thoughts went out the window. The attraction, chemistry, and electricity was so thick you could almost see it in the air! 3 years later, it still is!

    We both are very glad we let our hearts overrule our heads. But really, I don't think we let anything happen. I think the whole thing was out of our hands. Our love is so strong, our compatibility is through the roof. I used to imagine my "perfect partner." My OM meets all of that and then some. My OM says the same thing about me. Neither of us believed in soul mates until we found each other. We both believe that there was a higher power involved in our getting together and staying together.

    And we couldn't be more grateful!
    Angel, laurad121, chi77 and 1 others like this.
    Never try to fit in when you are meant to stand out.

  7. #7
    Stiletto's Avatar
    Stiletto is offline Senior Member
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    Jan 2010
    West Coast British Columbia
    Quote Originally Posted by degausser View Post
    I'm of the "wasn't thinking at all" variety. We were friends first, and I knew he had a crush on me. I was single, and attracted to him. I thought it would just be a fling, and I don't give much thought to flings. I didn't plan on falling in love, and I definitely didn't plan on still being together 3 years later.
    This sounds like us. When it did go serious, I gave it a lot of thought, mainly because I could not have any more children, and was concerned that he would rethink his decision eventually. What family and friends would think never really entered into it.. my family seldom approves of my decisions, I learned to ignore most of them most of the time decades ago. I could never be happy living my life the way they think I should.
    eponavet and Angel like this.
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    Age gap: 22 years, 6 days.

  8. #8
    Angel's Avatar
    Angel is offline Anger Thrives In A Fool
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    Jun 2006
    Platform 9
    We met online. He expressed an interest in me before we had exchanged pictures, but I expected once he saw a picture of me that interest would end. Instead the exchange appeared to cement things against all rationale I had.

    He said, early on, he wanted to meet IRL but I was leery. A couple friends swayed me by telling me to go for it and let him boost my ego. My ex encouraged the meeting, as well, saying to me if an 18 year old woman was pursuing him he wouldn't be talking to me about it. So I went in thinking this was nothing more than sex to fill a YMs curiosity and an OWs loneliness. Anything he was feeling I dismissed as the older 'wiser' partner. Like everyone else said, this was just sex, nothing more, so why bother to worry about what people thought? It wasn't until things got serious that I started to panic and eventually found Ageless.

    He proposed a few times before I agreed to a long engagement (sure things would fizzle out), but I guess after 7 years he knew better than I did how strong he felt for me and I for him.

    eponavet, NY10 and pinkunicorn like this.
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  9. #9
    MissMuffins's Avatar
    MissMuffins is offline Senior Member
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    Jun 2008
    With this particular AGR, I thought about it and gave it careful consideration but I didn't obsess about it. When we met, I wasn't looking for anyone. I was happy being by myself, and I knew that a lot of things about my life would change if I decided to get into a relationship. I didn't know if I wanted to give that up. I didn't worry about the difference in our ages, and I didn't worry about his kids or my kids--between us, we have six who range in age from 33 to 20--because they were either on their own or soon to be on their own.

    He didn't think about it at all before hand, but that's how he is. After we were in a relationship, he got scared out of his mind. He wouldn't say that he obsessed over it, and I'd disagree. It took him 2 1/2 years to be "okay" with being in a serious relationship.

    "Our past is a story existing only in our minds. Look, analyze, understand, and forgive. Then, as quickly as possible, chuck it." ~ Marianne Williamson

  10. #10
    thatoneperson's Avatar
    thatoneperson is offline Senior Member
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    Jun 2011
    I thought a lot about it because I didn't want my fellow graduates to think that I'd been sleeping with my OM, who was my professor, all along. But since I knew I'd be moving out of his city at the end of the summer, I felt that I had to get the ball rolling right there so that we could decide if we wanted the relationship to persist being 2 hours apart.

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