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20 year age difference



Hey everyone.

I'm Amanda, I'm new here. This seems like a really great place.

I'm 17 and in a relationship with a 37 year old guy. His name is Allen. I know that our love is considered to be a crime and we've talked about that. Neither of us can deny our feelings, though we've both tried before. Allen was my navy recruiter. He'd come up to my high school a lot. I was only 15 when we met but, the first time that I saw him I knew there was something special about him. We just clicked.

We've been talking for a year and a half and have been dating 4 months. At times it can be tough because I'm not able to see him that much. He lives about 50 miles from me but we have great conversations over the phone. Almost every night, we talk for 3 or 4 hours, sometimes longer. I think that my mother suspects something. She doesn't allow me to go places with out coming and checking up on me. If I'm not where I say I'm going to be and I go to see Allen, she questions me and tells me that I can't go anywhere and that she'd "better not catch me with that damn recruiter."

It's tough to be so far apart but it's only one year until I'm 18. It's not that long of a wait. Everytime I see Allen I just get these butterflies and I feel so happy.

I think I have some problems that I need to work through personally, could you guys help? It's not anything very serious yet, but it could be one day. I've never been the jealous type but everytime I see or hear something to do with Allen's ex wife, I get extremely jealous. I know that I shouldn't because hey ....that was then...this is now. But I can't help it. I hate feeling that way. I also get jealous if he and his brother or other guy friends talk about other girls or look at umm "adult entertainment." Don't get me wrong, he doesn't do it all that much but when he does it bothers me and he knows it. But I've always been so laid back, this is nothing like me. I guess it makes me feel inferior? It's not caused any problems yet but I'm afraid that if I don't stop this now, it will. God knows I don't want it to, we have such a wonderful friendship and such a loving relationship.

Any advice? advice on my problem, thoughts on my relationship? Please tell me.

Thanks you guys!



Families can be hard and harsh, but the fact of the matter is you still live under Mom's roof. Her house, her rules....at least that was the way I was brought up. If you can wait that year, then more power to you!!! Obviously love conquers all, just be wise about it. Love is a hard thing to find, it comes in many shapes and forms, even some that are disguised as love. Lord knows I know that one! :) My suggestion is to be open and honest with your man. You two need to talk about anything and everything, this way, when you turn 18 and bring the subject up to Mom - the two of you are so strong together that nothing and no one will break that. Your Mom will always be your Mom, she's always going to try and make decisions for you (because they "know" what is best for you), she will always pass judgment, she will always give her opinion, she'll always inform you of 'how it is'. However, she will ALWAYS be your Mom, she will ALWAYS love you and she WILL be happy for you if you are happy. Not to say that all of this will be instantaneous, but give it time and she'll come around.


Just a little friendly advice

Hi Amanda

I read your post and I'm happy you have found love. Be care with your heart and be sure that the chioce you make are the ones that are best for you. Also wait until you turn 18 to make any major life changes. After all a year will give you the time you need to make sure this is the relationship that you really wont.

About your mother, she is only trying to do what she thinks is best for you. Try and talk to her about thing as openly as possible because she will be there even if Allen ,for some reason is not. I had the Parent problem to when they found out about my relationship. Parent can be very harsh, but your mother might come around , mine did. Remeber like you were told before her house her rules. Hope this helps send me a message if you want to talk.

Good luck


This could be us, Amanda. I am 20 years older than my wife and we met online when she was 17. We built a rock-solid releationship over seven months that nobody could tear down...and believe me, they tried. You have to be sure that the relationship is what you both want...because there will be a big strain at the beginning. You also have to have things in common. My wife and I have the same taste in activities, music, etc. Have you had sex yet? How important is sex to your relationship right now?


hi amanda

you are almost in the same situation that i am.

should i tell you this or not. i will be honest. \

I know that our love is considered to be a crime and we've talked about that.

it is not a crime in alabama. now do not go wild over this news.

just know that it is not a crime. even if you had sex. now this if alabama has not changed it laws in the last 2 years.

my gf is 17. i am 33. we are waiting till she turns 18 to live together. and she lives in germany.

i am a man not a mother so leason to the women on this subject.

how do you fell about him. that is very important. right now one of the best thing that you can do is this:::::: talk to him. not about sex, love, how your mom fells (yes talk about these things, but do not put strong bering on them). talk about who you and he are as a human being. build the friendship up. make it strong. be carful about going behind your moms back.
how much do you love him. would you let him go till your 18. would you give up your family and friends. love is a wonderful thing. do not try to love him. enjoy life. love should always come second nature. love is not easy. because what you are and will go through will not be easy. how strong your love for each other, will determand how well you get through this.

if you and your om realy love each other. i could be one of your bigest fan. he might be 4 years old than me. and a squid. but, i would love it to workout between both of you.

when do you turn 18. edyta turns 18 march (late). 8 months togo. we will make it. our love is that strong. we both do not have words to describe how much or how strong our love for each other is. about his ex wife. it is his ex wife. leave it alone. it is in the past. remember it is his ex wife. EX is the key word. you want the best for him and you do not want anther woman in is life. that is normal. please keep me inform. this posting will be high intrest to me. rember i am the om in the same situation that you are in. and i told my gf. goto school.

one more thing. the military is a funny thing about relationships.
for him be careful till you turn 18. i have over 16 years in the army. he is a squid. the navy can have a very big say in it. more than your mom. on his side. i am happy for you.


Hi Amanda...

I'm a mom to a 20 year old and an 8 year old. I am also in love with a much older man. So I can see your situation from a couple of different perspectives.

Whether or not it is legal for you to have sex in Alabama, I think, is irrelevant. What is at issue here is a young person's life. I know it is hard to see now but you will evolve and grow emotionally SO MUCH over the next several years.... actually..most of us never stop growing.

I know from experience that at any point in time circumstances, a relationship... ANYTHING... can be wonderful...but it is wonderful at THAT POINT IN TIME. One year from now or two years or 20 years, you may look back and see that a relationship or circumstances (created by a decision you made) was only a stepping-stone in the growth process and will not seem so wonderful at the new/different point in time.

Whether or not this happens to you only you will know.

I guess the point I'm trying to make (and not too clearly) is that while your basic personality will probably be the same... time will continue to shape you. You may not have the same desires, dreams, etc when you're 25 that you have at 17.

The mom in me does cringe when I read posts from teens who are involved with older men... Sorry, guys... that's just the way *my* maternal heart beats.

But I'm suggesting to you, Amanda, not as a mom.. but as a woman to another woman: Take care of yourself. Give yourself time to grow and experience life as a single woman. It is a big, wide-open world and there is so much to see and experience.

I just think that young people shortchange themselves when they get in to a committed relationship before they've had time to discover the world and grow from it. JMHO.

Best wishes to you!


Very wise words, Morag.

I just want to echo what she said. It is certainly impossible to predict the future, but please realize how young you are at 17. What are your dreams for your future? Where do you see yourself at the age of 20, of 25, of 30?

I would encourage you (and I hope that he would as well) to figure out what your own dreams are - apart from any man - and follow those for a while. This doesn't mean that he won't be in your life, but I just whole-heartedly believe that each of us are better partners after we have some time on our own as adults.

And, I don't say that, really, in reaction to the age difference. I would say that to anyone who is 17 and considering making a huge commitment to a man. The age difference comes into play in these instances because he already has had that time to figure himself out for several years on his own as an adult.

Those are my .02

Good luck!


Amanda.. I feel your pain. If you find my post give it a read. Parents will always be parents. I have a 16 year difference with my g/f. She is 18 and mom and dad hate me. They feel I am stealing her away, and I am a sicko. Well funny thing, they are in the minoity. Most people so far approve. We are happy and that is all that counts. You really do need to wait untill your 18 though. (considered an adult in most states) Then you can make you own decisions. You will still meet resistance, but if you have taken an inventory and it looks like it is going to pay off, I say go for it. It will be a long difficult road full with speed bumps, but you and only you know if it's woth it. I wish you the best of luck. Love conquers all. It knows no age, race or religion. It is unconditional.



Well... I do think you need to look into the future before you leap... Although i do think you should wait til your at least 18 and When you live with your parents under there roof like Emcad said it is her rules.... Maybe you need to focus on you moving Out of your moms and making your own life... and You can still date your OM but just don't rush into anything...time will tell ...


Amanda...don't forget to keep us posted. I know reading some of these posts maybe discouraging...but we only state the true facts and would hate to hear of you getting hurt.

I hope to hear an update soon :)



OMG! My partner and I have a 35 year age gap, and his name is Allen! LOL! Weird... :runnningaround: