44yom 21yow

[Steve73]

Hi all. Im a 44 yom and fairly recently seperated from a woman 10 years my senior. I now find myself embarking on something with a beautiful 21yow. We have known each other a cpl of years and have always got on like a house on fire. She makes me happy and im pretty sure i make her happy too...However,the age gap is an issue for her and it keeps cropping up. Shes concerned with "how people do and will look at us" Honestly though people dont care. Not the people that matter anyway. So were in this constant state of flux at the moment. We were supposed to be having our first "night in" at my place this evening and i had something a bit special planned but at this moment in time were back to being "friends" yet she's still very much looking forward to tonight!!! Go figure!!?. I know she's really torn over this and i feel for her. I want her to be happy. But its boxing my head a little!!
I would be interested to hear from others experience along this line and if they got through it how?
Many thanks

 

[SummerBob]

I'm sorry to hear you're going through this.

People should never let their happiness and desires be controlled by other people, particularly those who are peers or strangers. Your personal life is not their business and they have no authority over you. You need to convey that message to her the best way you can.

However, it all boils down to her comfort level. She has to make up her own mind to be free from the need of approval of others. Until she can muster that strength, you're going to go back and forth with her. Give her time and see if the situation changes. If her love for you is true and genuine, then she'll learn to overcome other people.

Anything worth having is worth fighting for.

 

[Sweetie28]

It's sad that a lot of people influence what love is supposed to look like and that it's become a taboo for age gaps to be such a big deal. As long as both people are adults, who cares? It can be hard enough to find real love so if you find it hold onto it and treasure it. I wouldn't jump into anything too fast since she's hesitant since it could end up with a lot of heartbreak on both sides, by that I mean hold off on sleeping together until she's more committed to this relationship and sure of herself. Probably the hardest thing is when family disapproves. Does her family know and is she worried about that? Do you have adult kids or almost adult kids? This can complicate things. Just take is slow and steady and you have friendship which is a good base. You got out of a relationship to, so take it easy so you can both get familiar with each other as a couple. I gave advice to someone I work with who recently started dating her friend of seven years. He and she had a good solid base, but being friends is different than being boyfriend/girlfriend or SOs. You have arguments, it's intimate, and more personal. I would say just take it easy, don't push it, and you'll be alright.:yes: