Advice wanted

[Pranam]

Hello all!

I found this site a while ago when I had a relationship with a younger man. He was 14 years younger than me and he was chasing me for a while. I was not only older than him but also I was his boss at the time. For almost 3 years he was trying to earn my affection and he did... after a while. I had to get rid of all my fears and my insecurity and when I finally decided to give it a chance and I accepted him as my boyfriend, the "honeymoon" so to speak lasted for about 3 months. Then we started having issues. He became distant and the warm, lovely, romantic, caring, nurturing man I had know for 3 years became a distant, cold, moody man I didn't even know. We had a very hard time. We were together for 6 months and I think I was only an experiment, a challenge to him. I dunno. When we broke up we were still working on a project together and I was still his boss. That lasted for another 6 months. It was the hardest time of my life, having to work with him every day, to give him orders, to have him questioning my every word before the rest of my team... having him making fun of me, making my life miserable. It lasted for half a year. After that we parted, we went our sepparated ways and for a while I was crushed. He really didn't have to be so cruel, but he was.

Now I've moved out and I am pleased with my life. I have a good work, I'm doing good. I'm alone and sometimes I miss the feeling of being in love... but I am trying to go on.

The thing is, months ago I met a guy online. He's 10 years younger than I am but God, he seems to be the perfect guy for me... I mean, he's cute and nice and we share our interests and views of life. We match in every aspect of our personalities and he even has my favorite name! (I always thought if one day I'd have a son, I'd name him with that name!). Anyway, we´re close friends and I am scard because I think I'm falling in love with him. The thing is, he lives in another country... and he also had his heart broken in a previous relationship with a girl who was 5 years older than him, so he's told me that age does matter at some point of the relationship, Of course he has no idea I have feelings for him and I just don't know what to do. I don't want to get hurt and I don't want to lose his friendship.

I just wanted to get that out of my chest... thanks for hearing me and if you have any comment, please feel free to write! Right now I feel very lost and I don't know what to do.

 

[grumpysgirl]

Well I am happy you met someone BUT his comment age matters at some point...If this gets serious things you need to ask is does he want children? Do you want children so on and so on...what does he meet by that

I would find out before you get so deep it hurts

 

[Inahnia]

I'm sorry you had such a rotten experience the first time!

As for the second fellow, if you are good friends I would ask him exactly what he meant by the "age will matter" comment. Did it end up mattering to him or to the ex gf? 5 years difference is not at all significant! It sounds like she broke up with him, was it over the age? I agree with GG....talk more and find out those important questions, about children, etc. What country is he from? Will you have cultural differences and difficulties as well as an age gap? These are all things you need to consider.

Right now, if I were you, I would just guard my heart and find out more. It's good to take things slowly after you have been hurt!

 

[Pranam]

Well I am happy you met someone BUT his comment age matters at some point...If this gets serious things you need to ask is does he want children? Do you want children so on and so on...what does he meet by that

I would find out before you get so deep it hurts

Thanks for the advice, Grumpysgirl! I really appreciate it.

 

[grumpysgirl]

Thanks for the advice, Grumpysgirl! I really appreciate it.

Your very welcome!:yes: If you need us we are here

 

[Pranam]

I'm sorry you had such a rotten experience the first time!

As for the second fellow, if you are good friends I would ask him exactly what he meant by the "age will matter" comment. Did it end up mattering to him or to the ex gf? 5 years difference is not at all significant! It sounds like she broke up with him, was it over the age? I agree with GG....talk more and find out those important questions, about children, etc. What country is he from? Will you have cultural differences and difficulties as well as an age gap? These are all things you need to consider.

Right now, if I were you, I would just guard my heart and find out more. It's good to take things slowly after you have been hurt!

Hello Inahnia! Thanks for the response!
About the second guy, actually he broke up with his girlfriend because she started to make him feel bad. She was always telling him how she was better than him, more mature, had more experience in life and he was just a fool young guy. He just couldn't stand it anymore and he put an end to it.

About our cultural differences, there aren't many really. You see, I'm from Mexico, he's from Argentina, we both come from a similar background, have the same views of life, love, politics... everything!

He's a very sweet, tender and caring guy and I love him deeply as a friend. I know he'd make a wonderful boyfriend but I guess we both are a little scared and insecure because our previous relationships.

But thanks for the advice and thanks for your response!

 

[Pranam]

That must have been a terrible experience working with somebody that is undermining your authority. That is hell!

Regarding your second experience, I think that you should go to the LDR section and read a bit about long distance relationships:
http://www.agelesslove.com/boards/showthread.php?t=26280

I was in one and in my case the fact that we are from different countries has imposed WAY MORE difficulties than our age gap which has never been an issue.

I realize that I sound negative, so I want to clarify that even with all the logistical LDR problems, we love each other, we get along great, he has been a good influence on my son, and I do not regret any of this. Quite the oposite.

In your particular case, before getting more of your heart invested you need to clarify his objection to age gaps and you need to meet. Once you meet you will know if there is chemistry or not.

The first experience was very hard for me, really. And you're right, I guess the worst part was to have to work with him every day, seeing him flirting with every girl that came his way and the fact that, because of the project we were working on at the time, I had to be with him for hours and hours every day! It was pure torture. And he did everything he could to make me feel miserable... but I'm over him now.

I'm going to read the LDR section, thanks for the advice!