When people say "age is just a number" they are mostly reacting to disapproval from others. While it's true that many factors go into the success or failure of an age-gapped relationship, and there are things that should be taken into consideration before entering the relationship, consenting adults should make their own choice. That doesn't mean every relationship is good or healthy or the right choice. It just means that age gaps are an individual thing, and it's up to individuals to determine their own comfort level and make a choice based on their own needs. They are the ones who will be in the relationship. Parents may play a role because they love their kids and want them to succeed, but good parents will ultimately let them make their own choice as long as there are no clear red flags. For everyone else it should be "just a number".
The point is that if you love someone, the age of that person shouldn't matter.
I totally agree, truck. It would be foolish, like in my case to say age doesn't matter. I'll be retiring, he's still progressing in his career. I've got more aches and pains, I can't physically do some of the things I did even when we got together 15 years ago. The point is how to deal with those issues in the context of these unique relationships, and still grow as a couple.
That's the whole point of needing a support site. Where else could one go to discuss those kinds of issues and have anyone else who could identify with how it feels. I'm past the point, for now anyway, of needing support, but people just starting out sure aren't.
That article irritates me as one of my pet peeves is calling it an age gap relationship just because it's the woman who's older. 4 years is not an age gap, just because the woman is older. My daughter is a year older than her fiancee, and has even had people call HER a cougar, for pete's sake. Ridiculous, and society needs to get over the assumption that the man HAS to be the older one.
You can't say the age of the person doesn't matter, and in my opinion, that's not the premise of this site. The age DOES matter, but how to make it work anyway is the premise of this site, and always has been. Pretending the age doesn't matter doesn't make it go away. Having somewhere to go discuss things regarding age without having the response be, "well what do you expect" like it usually is out here in the world is important.
Ah you worded it so much better than I would have Summerbob.
When I have heard "age is a number" it is usually to defend the fact that yes, you are over 40 and not playing checkers on a porch or playing dead. Or if romances that oi vey you are not ready for teh convent yet!
As a saying I treat it same as "Love is blind" "size doesn't matter""it's whats on the inside"..
I personally find with my friends as well as my partnership, age matters far less than education, class, interests and upbringing. And chemistry of course ^_^
Ah you worded it so much better than I would have Summerbob.
When I have heard "age is a number" it is usually to defend the fact that yes, you are over 40 and not playing checkers on a porch or playing dead. Or if romances that oi vey you are not ready for teh convent yet!
As a saying I treat it same as "Love is blind" "size doesn't matter""it's whats on the inside"..
I personally find with my friends as well as my partnership, age matters far less than education, class, interests and upbringing. And chemistry of course ^_^
It's been my experience that age really is "just a number" - but WHERE someone is at in their life at their age is honestly what matters most. The real roadblocks to dating older/younger are those things on the "to do" or "have done" list - having children, raising children, career goals, etc.
As a younger man who has mostly dated older women, issues such as kids and career come up often. I've dated older women who desperately wanted children and my being younger was especially attractive to them...for all the reasons you'd think (haha). I've also dated women who either had their children or didn't want them in the first place, leading to the the awkward conversation about "what my expectations are for this relationship". I like kids very much, but don't have any particular pull to be a father so my having them is a non issue.
Career wise, when I was clawing my way up the professional ladder I dated some women who found my struggle frustrating. I was just out of college and seeing a 38-year old medical researcher who I met at a family wedding. I'd been looking for my first real post-college job and over a Thai dinner my girlfriend said "This is a good time and all, but I don't think I want to be with a clerk who works in a pharmacy (my job at the time)". That was pretty damned insulting and when we broke up a few months later, I told her I couldn't get that out of my head. My point? The age difference wasn't what broke us up - it was the different places we were in our lives.
Attraction and chemistry certainly matter - and I think if there's a spark between two people they should explore it regardless of the age difference. Ships do crash in the night - but not all of them are going in the same direction.