An update on my relationship with an OW

[Ataraxia]

Well, I'm bored about to go to bed and hadn't been here in sometime. I was reading through the posts here on the board and most of em kinda seemed to be downers. So I thought I'd just kinda post an update about how things have been going with my ow. We've now been together for 7 months and things are still going strong. It's funny now to look back and see how I was future tripping and worrying about so many things when I first met her. We have met each others kids and she went to a program with me that my daughters elementary school put on. I met her kids and they seem well adjusted, behaved, and not uncomfortable with the situation. They are happy to see their mother happy.

When I met her I was in the process of finding myself, and that process has continued she has been very supportive and encouraging. It's been nice to have someone to share that with. I've learned a lot more about mistakes I made in the past and realize that now for the first time in my life that I'm truly happy with myself it's so much easier to be involved in a relationship. When it first started I didn't know where it would lead but I know in my heart I truly love this woman. I haven't introduced her to family yet but talk about her constantly so they are aware and seem supportive. Again a situation of them seeing me happy. The only person who seems to be unhappy is my ex-wife. I think seeing me happy makes her sick to her stomach, but that is the least of my worries.

We have discussed at length the possibility of moving in together, but I'm still not sure yet. I like having my space and privacy when I need it and I feel like maybe we need to take a little more time, but we've discussed it and she has said she would like me to move in. She owns her home I rent. I've been divorced 2 years and living on my own a little over a year. I think I just still want sometime to be in my own place and have my own space. Even though she said I could turn the garage into a "man-cave".

I had become so jaded about love, and relationships after my divorce. I told myself I never wanted to be attached to someone again, but now I can't imagine not being with her. I'm in love again and it's a wonderful thing. Anyways, sorry for rambling. Just saw a bunch of posts that seemed like downers and wanted to put up something that was positive. Oh yeah for those who don't know we have a 22 y/o age gap

 

[special K]

We have discussed at length the possibility of moving in together, but I'm still not sure yet. I like having my space and privacy when I need it and I feel like maybe we need to take a little more time

Thanks for the update, Ataraxia...sounds like things are moving along well

I just wanted to say I support you 100% in this decision to take more time before you move in together. 8 months really isn't that long- you don't need to rush things if you are truly meant to be together; and having your own space is SO much better if you relationship should hit a bump.

Jake and I didn't live together for 3 years....AFTER we were married Still believe that was the best decision we could have made for the health of our relationship and strength of each other independently before we co-mingled everything.

Wish you two the best! Oh, and Jake and I have a 22 year age gap and things couldn't be much better after 6 years

 

[Ataraxia]

thanks yeah it really isn't a lot of time together. Though I think getting through that first 6 months was a pretty big deal. I hadn't had any relationships that had yet lasted that long since my divorce. We are both dead set on the fact that we will never be married again. Living with someone and being in a committed relationship monogamous relationship is fine, but we've both been married and have decided it's not for us. Creates too much strain if things were to hit a bump. Of course never say never, but yeah having our space is nice. I'm a singer-songwriter and I need my privacy at times to be able to work on songs and write and she can be distracting it's not bad I just want to hang with her and don't get anything accomplished. So being able to say hey I just wanna hang out by myself she understands. I enjoy having my space in my house where I can work.

 

[Polly]

Yay Ataraxia! I'm so glad for you and her both that things are going so well. I'm with Karen on the "space" thing. If you two live near by eachother, at least you get to see eachother a lot and it's not like a long distance thing where you're being deprived.

I have to admit though, there are many times I wish I had a man living here with me. It's so nice to come home to someone, exchange stories about our days, cook together, hang out, just "BE"...in the same space. It's nice to share a life with someone. After living alone for 3 and 1/2 years, I'm over it. I've had more space than NASA, and I'm ready to share it. I'm writing songs too, and I know how you have to be in an environment with no distractions when that happens, but I guess I'm just really good at tuning stuff out and honing in on what I need to focus on just by closing the bedroom door. I don't need a whole house by myself to write.

I think with you, it's a relief for you to experience life on your own, and you're not ready to give it up yet. That's fine. You'll know when you're ready. This might be about control too. You feel completely in control in your own place...you might feel like you're losing control if you move into hers. She might be ready before you are, and it might be frustrating for her, but she'll just have to be patient and wait, because if she presses the issue and you end up moving in with her before you're ready, you'll just become resentful.

The "man cave" is a nice compromise. When Robin and I lived together, he turned the garage into a "man cave" and went there as needed. I was always so busy though, I wasn't home all that much anyway. I was always running around after work, taking the kids to sports, whatever, he usually had the house to himself for a few hours every evening.

 

[Ataraxia]

Well she works first shift and I work third so she usually stops at my house when she gets off work and wakes me up and we exchange stories etc..and that is nice we are able to do that without living together. As far as tuning things out I can my house is basically a bedroom anyway it's a one room studio very small. You hit the nail on the head and it's not that she's controlling but it is about control. My place is my domain and I'm not really ready to give that up yet. Luckily she isn't pressing she opened the door on the issue and we discussed and it's fine....also you can check out some new stuff I recorded at

http://www.myspace.com/restlesstroubadour

I'm still learning how to do this recording thing and I promise I sound so much better live than recording I wish it was as easy as hitting a button and recording the song and being done with it.

 

[Polly]

Hey, I like your stuff. I'm pming you about a musician's website you would very much enjoy and learn from. Very friendly waters and would help you grow as a musician. Keep at it! Their motto is, "We're all in this together."

 

[SuperGirl]

Good for you Ataraxia! Good for you! I'm glad that all is going well. And hey......just take the chance....we never know how things will turn out....but unless we chance it.....we REALLY never know! lol.

Best wishes!