What's new
Ageless Love

This is a sample guest message. Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

Happy OW/YM Stories

richpam1963

New member
Ow vym

Angel, I really appreciate your thoughtful reply. :yes: I don't think of myself as a "cougar" or any of that nonsense. For me it is very straightforward: I'm 49 (now), I know what I want, and I'm happy I've found a place where it is OK to be who I am and to talk about it. I'm valuable, beautiful, looking only for informal commitments, and have a lot to give in a trusting relationship. My heart, mind, spirit, and body are aligned and comfortable, and my friend and I agree that we enjoy the energy, presence, companionship, physical potential, and personal development potential of men 18-19 yo.
 

Kristin

New member
Angel, I really appreciate your thoughtful reply. :yes: I don't think of myself as a "cougar" or any of that nonsense. For me it is very straightforward: I'm 49 (now), I know what I want, and I'm happy I've found a place where it is OK to be who I am and to talk about it. I'm valuable, beautiful, looking only for informal commitments, and have a lot to give in a trusting relationship. My heart, mind, spirit, and body are aligned and comfortable, and my friend and I agree that we enjoy the energy, presence, companionship, physical potential, and personal development potential of men 18-19 yo.

Honestly, no offense intended at all, but you pretty much fit one of the accepted definitions of a "cougar." A woman who seeks out casual, sexual relationships with men many years younger than herself. That's not a bad thing - it is what it is. You shouldn't be judged on that any more than a man who seeks the same with younger women!!

Personally, I hate that there is even a name for it just because it's an older woman vs. an older man - especially given that the original definition usually meant "a woman over 40, pathetically desperate to recapture her youth by trolling college bars; in tacky clothes and makeup, for a night of hot sex with different college men." Lovely, right? Now, "cougar" can even mean a 30 year old dating a 21 year old, even if she didn't "chase" him! (They called a young Cameron Diaz a "cougar" for her relatively small 9 year age difference with Justin Timberlake.) But usually they pin women who seek out and serial date younger men, with or without expectation of a commitment, with the "cougar" label.

As Angel explained, many, if not the vast majority, of the women on this site were NOT seeking relationships of any kind specifically with younger men. By the way, "VYM" here means "VERY young man/men" and tends to mean 18-20 years old, depending on personal opinion. Otherwise, a lot of women here would consider anything more than 10 years younger than herself a "YM" or "young/younger man." That could even mean a 40 year-old man with a 50 year old woman and some even freak out over as little as 2 years difference, because they always thought the man should be older. Anyhow, most of us here were just going about our lives and found ourselves pursued by a much younger man or attracted to a much younger man (much to our surprise.) These young men are not usually looking for a "hook up." They saw us as a potential long-term commitment, which I think is what throws a lot of us off so much!

In my case, my YM pursued me for nearly a year asking me out and I kept pushing him away (I was 36 and he was 23.) When I finally "gave in," I figured he saw me as some kind of challenge and it would never go beyond maybe one night of fun. But that first night together, he stopped, looked at me directly in the eyes and basically said, "If this is just a one night stand for you, I don't want to do this. I want to be with you." (He admitted later that he was already falling in love with me by that point.) Suddenly, my expectations of "a little fun that's good for my ego" turned into a man 13 years my junior having his own expectations of a long-term relationship! That is what brought me here.

So, Ageless Love tends to be made up more of women who unexpectedly found themselves in relationships with younger men, not so much women who are actively seeking any kind of relationship with much younger men. It's not that marriage to a younger man was a goal before we met them, but that many serious relationships of any age tend to go that direction. And since so many of the women here are finding themselves in a serious relationship with a younger man, weddings just tend to happily happen. ;)
 

Bumblebee

New member
From Africa

Like djacynth, I also met a younger, Muslim man in Africa over the Internet (Gambia) and he would like for me to meet him there. But I have to overcome my fear of flying first! I met him 2 years ago and he is adorable, and very sweet. I have not told my family yet because I know my mother is going to go crazy when I do; I don't know what my daughter's reaction will be, although she is bi-racial (half Asian) and has dated black men herself; just not from another country. djacynth, would you like to share with me, where your man is from? I would love to talk to you.
 

BAX

New member
A different kind of question

Hi everyone,

My situation is happy, but I looked around this website and couldn't find a similar situation. Hope no one has asked this already.

My girlfriend and I have been together almost two years. I am 19 and she is 43. We've known each other longer but were not boyfriend and girlfriend before, but she did tell me a bit earlier it was what she wanted later.

We both would like to get married. Just for background, I come from a bit of a messed-up home and she has really helped me.

But, she also wants to adopt me. She just thinks it would be cool - she wants to be my mom and my wife, both.

I don't have a problem with it (since it's just a paper thing, she's not related to me of course). Apart from the age difference and this idea, our relationship is perfectly normal.

Can we do that?

The other thing is, we are trying to have a baby. This is one reason why she is with me (I mean, she loves me too but, just saying) - she is near the age where she might not be able to have another one and she felt with a teenage boyfriend her chances to conceive would be best, just for physical reasons.

What would happen legally if we did have a baby and she were my mom and my wife both?

Thanks
B.
 

Azureth

Banned
Hi everyone,

My situation is happy, but I looked around this website and couldn't find a similar situation. Hope no one has asked this already.

My girlfriend and I have been together almost two years. I am 19 and she is 43. We've known each other longer but were not boyfriend and girlfriend before, but she did tell me a bit earlier it was what she wanted later.

We both would like to get married. Just for background, I come from a bit of a messed-up home and she has really helped me.

But, she also wants to adopt me. She just thinks it would be cool - she wants to be my mom and my wife, both.

I don't have a problem with it (since it's just a paper thing, she's not related to me of course). Apart from the age difference and this idea, our relationship is perfectly normal.

Can we do that?

The other thing is, we are trying to have a baby. This is one reason why she is with me (I mean, she loves me too but, just saying) - she is near the age where she might not be able to have another one and she felt with a teenage boyfriend her chances to conceive would be best, just for physical reasons.

What would happen legally if we did have a baby and she were my mom and my wife both?

Thanks
B.
Obvious troll is obvious. :eek::rolleyes:
 

BAX

New member
Obvious troll is obvious. :eek::rolleyes:

"well, that'll show *me* huh?"

doesn't seem like a lot of guys post here anyway... ...kind of a henhouse environment

was trying to get a second opinion somewhere since my girlfriend is obviously biased and taken with the idea

not the kind of question you can just ask anyone anywhere

but we have women here posting about meeting muslim men they don't know in west africa, which i guess is par for the course? not judging that post, just saying it hardly seems any less odd than this situation I didn't really create

*shrug* ok... ...Moving right along then... ...back to web searching about adult adoption.

thanks!
 

Blue-Angel75

Blue Angel
Hello Bax,

I just want to be honest in regards to your first post on this site.
You are entitled to do as you please in your area of the world.


I just don't have words or comments that could come out about it really.
A woman wants to be YOUR wife, and then also adopt you and be your mom????


We may be in the 21rst century here, and our society has broaden up tremendeously, but your suggestive idea is UNHEARD OF.

Your post will not be a pleasant dinner conversation at any table in the North America galaxy.---this is just my opinion however.



Blue Angel
 

LaRomantica

New member
"well, that'll show *me* huh?"

doesn't seem like a lot of guys post here anyway... ...kind of a henhouse environment

was trying to get a second opinion somewhere since my girlfriend is obviously biased and taken with the idea

not the kind of question you can just ask anyone anywhere

but we have women here posting about meeting muslim men they don't know in west africa, which i guess is par for the course? not judging that post, just saying it hardly seems any less odd than this situation I didn't really create

*shrug* ok... ...Moving right along then... ...back to web searching about adult adoption.

thanks!

I'm sorry you were offended by our troll comments, but most serious posters usually start out by going to the Introduction section first. Please try to understand that being your first post and of such an unusual nature, and because we've had people try to make fools of the members here before the suspicion was warranted.

As for your question, I have to agree with BlueAngel, I can't think of any part of the civilized world where the situation you're speaking of would not be frowned upon. I also cannot imagine what your g/f's motivation is in wanting to adopt you, unless it has to do with an immigration situation that would become easier that way wherever she is, but here in the U.S.A. I'm pretty sure a spouse is in the same category as children, and in fact, probably a preferred status if the child(ren) is(are) over 18. If there is no compelling reason to warrant an adult adoption, my advice would be for you to refuse because WHY add more stigma or discomfort to a relationship that is still considered by many as "taboo"! But of course, it's totally up to the two of you how you want to live your life...
 

soul

New member
Hi everyone,

My situation is happy, but I looked around this website and couldn't find a similar situation. Hope no one has asked this already.

My girlfriend and I have been together almost two years. I am 19 and she is 43. We've known each other longer but were not boyfriend and girlfriend before, but she did tell me a bit earlier it was what she wanted later.

We both would like to get married. Just for background, I come from a bit of a messed-up home and she has really helped me.

But, she also wants to adopt me. She just thinks it would be cool - she wants to be my mom and my wife, both.

I don't have a problem with it (since it's just a paper thing, she's not related to me of course). Apart from the age difference and this idea, our relationship is perfectly normal.

Can we do that?

The other thing is, we are trying to have a baby. This is one reason why she is with me (I mean, she loves me too but, just saying) - she is near the age where she might not be able to have another one and she felt with a teenage boyfriend her chances to conceive would be best, just for physical reasons.

What would happen legally if we did have a baby and she were my mom and my wife both?

Thanks
B.


Hi Bax,

You say you had a messed up home, this would be a little of history repeating itself with your children, if you go ahead with your OW request.

Having a child is a wonderful thing, but do you really want to have your child be your brother/sister in the eyes of the law? Don't you think when theyre older it will effect them? and send them the wrong messages. Yes 'technically' she won't be your mother, but in the eyes of the law she will be and in the eyes of the law your child will be your sibling.
Speaking as a woman whose close to your OW age, your 19 you dont need adopting. I dont see anything cool about it, not because it's weird, or contraversial or w/e but because theres nothing to be gained except to satisfy some strange request from your OW. If neither of you have considered how this would effect your child ( if you have one) then I suggest you don't have one.


Also I have to question your OW motives here, she's pushing to have a child with you because she's of a 'certain age' - rushing something perhaps you aren't ready for, which is a lifetime commitment. You're 19, do you really want to rush and have children? Arent you a little concerned of why the woman you're contemplating marrying wants to be your mother too? You might feel chilled and ok with the idea, but that's I think because you haven't considered the long term effects of her suggestion and neither has she by the sounds of it. If she has, then she's selfish, because no loving mother would put that stigma on their child willingly or the man she loves for that matter.

Maybe what she's offering you as a future feels like something better than you've experienced in your home life, so can only be a good thing right? No, theres a whole big wide world out there you've not experienced yet , even if it didn't start out great, you can have a wonderful future. You love her, Ok... but don't let your desire to please her, ruin your own life choices.
 

Slow Worm

Member
But, she also wants to adopt me. She just thinks it would be cool - she wants to be my mom and my wife, both.
What would happen legally if we did have a baby and she were my mom and my wife both?

Legally, it is probably impossible. You do not state where you are but I suspect in most juristictions it is impossible for a person old enough to marry to be adopted, for a married couple to adopt as parent & child, or for an adoptive parent & child to marry.

Certainly in the UK, where I am, it would be an impossibility. A person aged 18+ cannot be adopted anyway here, but even leaving that aside an adoptive parent cannot marry their adopted child and a married person cannot be adopted as a child at all (since by definition if they are married they are not a child).

I would also be concerned at a persons reasons for wanting to such a thing, unless it was done purely as a novelty intended to shock.

SW
 

degausser

New member
"well, that'll show *me* huh?"

doesn't seem like a lot of guys post here anyway... ...kind of a henhouse environment

was trying to get a second opinion somewhere since my girlfriend is obviously biased and taken with the idea

not the kind of question you can just ask anyone anywhere

but we have women here posting about meeting muslim men they don't know in west africa, which i guess is par for the course? not judging that post, just saying it hardly seems any less odd than this situation I didn't really create

*shrug* ok... ...Moving right along then... ...back to web searching about adult adoption.

thanks!



I'm slightly concerned that I'm even posting about this, but here goes....I agree with Slow Worm that it is likely legally impossible. I don’t know where you live, but in the U.S. there are regulations about adult adoption, but they vary by state. In some, you can only legally adopt an adult who would otherwise be incapable of being their own guardian (due to being developmentally challenged or whatever the p/c term is these days, or something of that nature). In some states (like mine) you can adopt any adult who is NOT your spouse, or any blood relation. So you cannot adopt a sibling or cousin, or niece, nephew, etc. If you marry your lady friend first, she cannot adopt you. If she adopts you first, you cannot marry her.

On to the more important issue, WHY does she want to adopt you? Explaining that she thought it would be “cool” makes me think that you have not given this any real thought. Why would she want to be your mom and your wife? I know a lot of people object to the word “normal”, because hey, who decides what’s “normal” anyway? But, I think this is a case where I will be permitted to say: that is not normal. Wanting a parent/child relationship with your spouse is something that should be heavily discussed with a therapist.

You note that one of the reasons she wants to be with you is because she wants a baby, and that you come from a messed up environment that she “helped” you deal with. I am wondering if you are both just very confused, and getting your desire for a stable family environment all jumbled with a romantic love.

If nothing else, please give serious thought about bringing a child into this world under these circumstances. If you didn’t have a good childhood, wouldn’t you want better for your own children? This is not better.
 

BAX

New member
Hi everyone, thanks for the good comments - this is better than resisting the temptation to reply "Completely obnoxious blogger is completely obnoxious" to the first response I seemed to get (which, disturbingly, got two likes).

0) Sorry if I barged in without knowing the introduction protocol.

1) No one's made any decisions here, so no worries.

2) My partner is a good person and we're in a responsible, real relationship... ...no real need to justify that here... ...I don't think I've said anything that suggests that we shouldn't be doing what we're doing for reasons of personal irresponsibility. We both work for a living (I am learning a trade)... ...it's not quite right to cast doubt on personal responsibility here... ...it doesn't seem like other people here draw comments from this direction.

3) Bear in mind that I came here, asking about her idea (this wasn't my idea). Maybe she is only having a joke or floating an off-the-wall idea but she says all we're really talking about are legal arrangements. When I think about it, it doesn't seem all that overwhelmingly weird. We are not blood-related of course. Why couldn't it be the way she wants it if the law does not prevent it... ...and why might it anyway?
 

degausser

New member
You still haven't answered the "why". For instance, if my friend, who is older than me and not blood related, wanted to adopt me, I would say, "um, why?" What is the purpose?

I don't know what "legal arrangements" you're talking about, but there's nothing that wouldn't be solved by marriage.

Why doesn't it seem weird to you that a woman would want to be your mother and wife?
 

Blue-Angel75

Blue Angel
This thread had a real nice path...and now it has changed into a very different direction.

Perhaps the comments with BAX and other relevant ones can be moved onto A DIFFERENT thread...allowing the super nice orignial objective to continue.


Just my thought.

Blue Angel
 

CrazyLove

New member
Just thought Id update on my wonderful husband and I's relationship:)

We are doing great.

I turned 50 in May, and he turned 30 in April. We have been married for 5.5 years now, together for almost 10.

We attempted to have kids the old fashioned way when we first got married, but after several miscarriages we threw in the towel. Nearly three years ago we started the process of adoption through foster care. In March we met our kids :) They started transitional visits with us, and moved in with us in April.

The kids are doing great. They have some behavioral issues, but we are working through them.

My husband is the father I knew he'd be. Just incredible. I'm so proud to call him my husband!

When we first started going out, he was having a hard time finding the ambition to work. It was a bit disconcerting. I was the primary (and sometimes only) breadwinner in the household. This went on for a long long time. He is now a partner in a business that is doing great! It allowed me to be a stay at home mom for the first five months of the kids being here. I knew he would eventually find himself, and be successful, and he is all that and more.

Our families and friends treat us like we any other married couple. Honestly, this forum is probably the only place I remember we have a difference.

Anyway, my point is, dont let an age difference ruin your chance at what could be your chance at love and happiness :)

(thread back on topic!)

Tam
 

Blue-Angel75

Blue Angel
What an amazing story.

You both stood by the hardest times, and roughest obstacles life threw at you.

CONGRATULATIONS!!



Blue Angel
 

CrazyLove

New member
Thank you both :)

I read about many AGR relationships that just dont make it.

I wanted others to know that even with a twenty year age difference, and some seemingly insurmountable obstacles, these relationships can definitely stand the test of time and flourish and thrive.

Tam
 
Top