Well there lies the problem, you arent just talking about legal arrangements, if it was just you and your gf thats fine w/e floats your boat, you wouldn't be harming anyone else. BUT you're planning on having a child, who in the eyes of the law will be both your child and sibling. You guys never heard of bullying at school? kids being mercissily teased?.. you are or would be setting your kid up for a potential crappy childhood and that my friend should be reason enough to drop the idea and leave it alone.
Ageless Love
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Happy OW/YM Stories
- Thread starter Kristin
- Start date
Well there lies the problem, you arent just talking about legal arrangements, if it was just you and your gf thats fine w/e floats your boat, you wouldn't be harming anyone else. BUT you're planning on having a child, who in the eyes of the law will be both your child and sibling. You guys never heard of bullying at school? kids being mercissily teased?.. you are or would be setting your kid up for a potential crappy childhood and that my friend should be reason enough to drop the idea and leave it alone.
are your still together and are your on facebook, love to see pics of you two
Part 1: Steve and Linda
My name is Steve. I'm new here, and this is my story. I went to post it and discovered it is too long, so I have to put it in two parts. Sorry about that.
The basics: I'm 45 and my wife is 67. We've been married for six months. Because of my age, I probably don't have much in common with other YM on this site. I was previously married and have children of my own. I'm at the peak of my career, rather than just starting out. However, like all the other YM on this site, I share a feeling of "Awe" when I look at and think about my beautiful and sweet OW.
I think another thing I share with the younger YM is that I crave the attention and nurturing that my OW bestows on me. I have discovered that even though I'm 45, my OW is somewhat of a mother figure, even though I'm the one with the job who pays the bills. We've talked about it and she feels the same way in reverse. As I was saying, it just goes with the age gap territory and I don't think there's anything wrong with it. All I know is that I've never been happier in my life.
Even though we've only been married for six months, my wife and I share a long history. She was my mother's best friend when I was younger and though she didn't know it, I was madly in love with her. Call it puppy love or a crush, but my feelings for her never went away, even though life went on.
She and my mother fell out of touch because back then, there was no internet. I went on to college and married a girl my own age at 25. We had children. We divorced 18 years later after she had an affair. She took the kids and moved out of state with her boyfriend. I was 43 years old, all alone, and desperately trying to rebuild my life in a way that would make me happy.
So how does a 43 year old man meet women to date? On the internet of course! I joined several online dating sites. 43 year old non-smoking, non-drinking man, employed man seeks similar female. For the first year after my divorce, I dated women who were like me between the ages of 30 and 45. These dates never went anywhere and I began to question whether it was them or if was me.
My questions led me to answers about myself. I began thinking a lot about my feelings for Linda, my mother's best friend from years ago. The feelings I had for her were very powerful and they've never been matched by any woman before or since. I didn't know what had happened to her or where she was, but my question and answer session did lead to an epiphany. I finally admitted to myself that I am more attracted to older women than I am to women my own age or younger.
My epiphany was life changing, scary, and confusing. The best way to describe it would be to think about a gay person trying their best to live straight. They date and marry straight because that is what is expected of them even though they know something about it doesn't feel right. They do their best to blend in, hoping that they'll get used to it. They hide from their true selves until one day…the pain of denial becomes too much.
Conformity seemed so much more comfortable than bucking the trend by being myself and living my life for myself. My attraction to older women has been a lifetime thing that I've tried my best to ignore and wave off. I thought about all the problems involved. What would my parent's say? What would my friends say? What would my co-workers say? What would strangers think? I wondered how I could even be thinking about something like this at my age. Why rock the boat now?
The funny thing about an epiphany is that once you recognize it, it won't leave you alone until you do something about it. The first thing I did was to change my profile on the dating sites that I belonged to seeking women over 60. The next thing I did was to start browsing profiles of women over 60 and I liked what I saw. The problem was that very few women over 60 wanted anything to do with a man in his mid 40s. I can't tell you how many times I received responses from these women saying that I was too young for them, but I remained focused and determined.
Knock on enough doors and a few of them will open. My first date was with a 72 year old woman. I thought she was beautiful and I had a good time, despite looking over my shoulder. We went on three dates and she broke it off because she couldn't handle the stigma of the age difference.
I continued to date women in their 60s and 70s for the next year or so, but always in secret. I didn't tell my friends or family. I told myself that I would wait until I met the right woman before I went about breaking eggs and making a mess with my family and friends.
See part 2 (sorry for the length)
My name is Steve. I'm new here, and this is my story. I went to post it and discovered it is too long, so I have to put it in two parts. Sorry about that.
The basics: I'm 45 and my wife is 67. We've been married for six months. Because of my age, I probably don't have much in common with other YM on this site. I was previously married and have children of my own. I'm at the peak of my career, rather than just starting out. However, like all the other YM on this site, I share a feeling of "Awe" when I look at and think about my beautiful and sweet OW.
I think another thing I share with the younger YM is that I crave the attention and nurturing that my OW bestows on me. I have discovered that even though I'm 45, my OW is somewhat of a mother figure, even though I'm the one with the job who pays the bills. We've talked about it and she feels the same way in reverse. As I was saying, it just goes with the age gap territory and I don't think there's anything wrong with it. All I know is that I've never been happier in my life.
Even though we've only been married for six months, my wife and I share a long history. She was my mother's best friend when I was younger and though she didn't know it, I was madly in love with her. Call it puppy love or a crush, but my feelings for her never went away, even though life went on.
She and my mother fell out of touch because back then, there was no internet. I went on to college and married a girl my own age at 25. We had children. We divorced 18 years later after she had an affair. She took the kids and moved out of state with her boyfriend. I was 43 years old, all alone, and desperately trying to rebuild my life in a way that would make me happy.
So how does a 43 year old man meet women to date? On the internet of course! I joined several online dating sites. 43 year old non-smoking, non-drinking man, employed man seeks similar female. For the first year after my divorce, I dated women who were like me between the ages of 30 and 45. These dates never went anywhere and I began to question whether it was them or if was me.
My questions led me to answers about myself. I began thinking a lot about my feelings for Linda, my mother's best friend from years ago. The feelings I had for her were very powerful and they've never been matched by any woman before or since. I didn't know what had happened to her or where she was, but my question and answer session did lead to an epiphany. I finally admitted to myself that I am more attracted to older women than I am to women my own age or younger.
My epiphany was life changing, scary, and confusing. The best way to describe it would be to think about a gay person trying their best to live straight. They date and marry straight because that is what is expected of them even though they know something about it doesn't feel right. They do their best to blend in, hoping that they'll get used to it. They hide from their true selves until one day…the pain of denial becomes too much.
Conformity seemed so much more comfortable than bucking the trend by being myself and living my life for myself. My attraction to older women has been a lifetime thing that I've tried my best to ignore and wave off. I thought about all the problems involved. What would my parent's say? What would my friends say? What would my co-workers say? What would strangers think? I wondered how I could even be thinking about something like this at my age. Why rock the boat now?
The funny thing about an epiphany is that once you recognize it, it won't leave you alone until you do something about it. The first thing I did was to change my profile on the dating sites that I belonged to seeking women over 60. The next thing I did was to start browsing profiles of women over 60 and I liked what I saw. The problem was that very few women over 60 wanted anything to do with a man in his mid 40s. I can't tell you how many times I received responses from these women saying that I was too young for them, but I remained focused and determined.
Knock on enough doors and a few of them will open. My first date was with a 72 year old woman. I thought she was beautiful and I had a good time, despite looking over my shoulder. We went on three dates and she broke it off because she couldn't handle the stigma of the age difference.
I continued to date women in their 60s and 70s for the next year or so, but always in secret. I didn't tell my friends or family. I told myself that I would wait until I met the right woman before I went about breaking eggs and making a mess with my family and friends.
See part 2 (sorry for the length)
Part 2: Steve and Linda
Through it all, I never forgot Linda and thought about her frequently. And then one day, I typed her name into Facebook. It wasn't the first time I had done it, but it was the first time I really put some effort into going through the possible matches. It took me several hours, but I eventually found her and she was living three states away. She only had four pictures of her self on her page, and so many years had passed, but I could tell it was her. She was so much older than I had remembered, but my heart was still thumping as hard and as fast as it did when I was 15. I sent her a message and asked if she remembered me. Two weeks went by before she replied.
Yes, Linda remembered me, and the online messaging began. No, I didn't tell her about my lifelong crush, but we talked about everything else, or at least we tried to. Linda wasn't much of a typist, so she gave me her phone number. Not that she was complaining, but she told me things about her life that bothered me. She was a widow and trying her best to make things work financially. She was living in subsidized and struggling with her bills. Her children weren't a part of her life because the blamed her for their father. Linda's husband was an abusive alcoholic. I didn't remember him like that when I was younger. But I guess some things are closely kept secrets.
After about two months of talking on the phone, I made up an excuse about having to be in her area, and asked if I I could stop by and taking her out to dinner. She said yes, so I packed a small bag and headed her way the following weekend.
I remember feeling so nervous and anxious when I knocked on the door to her apartment. It had been 30 years since I had last seen her. How would I feel when I saw her in real life again? What would I do about? Would I spill my guts in the first 5 minutes? I wasn't her boyfriend coming to see her. I was her old best friend's son who was just stopping by for dinner and to catch up. How do you turn something like that into a relationship? I didn't want to offend her and I didn't want to embarrass myself, but I didn't want to live the rest of my life without giving it my best shot.
I knew I was still in love with her the moment she opened the door and smiled at me. My heart pounded like a hammer as she gave me a hug. My eyes soaked up every inch of her as she invited me inside. As far as physical appearances are concerned, she was everything I had hoped for and more. If I had seen her in the grocery store without knowing who she was, I would have been attracted to her. I'm saying this because I know how insecure some older women are about their bodies and I wish they wouldn't feel that way. In my mind, time and gravity don't take their toll on a woman's looks. Time and gravity enhance a woman's looks. Keep in mind that I'm 45 and most of the other YM on this site are probably in their 20s, so one man's age gap isn't another man's age gap. When I was in my 20s, I had the hots for women in their 40s. Now that I'm in my 40s, I'm attracted to the gray hair and the wrinkles and the spots and the sags and the shifts in weight. My attraction and taste for older women has aged along with me. And I suspect many of the YM in their 20s will feel the same way I do when they hit my age.
Linda and I had a wonderful time that night and when I told her I wasn't leaving until the following day, she offered to let me sleep on her couch rather than pay for a hotel, and I accepted her offer. I spent a lot of my time on the couch that night thinking about how I could take our relationship to the next step.
The next day was even better than the first night. We got along so well, but I wasn't ready to tell her how I felt, because I didn't want to scare her away. I left her apartment feeling as if I had failed because I left without telling her how I felt.
For the next two months, we talked on the phone every day and I went up to visit her two more times. It was on my third visit that I got up the courage to tell her how I really felt. I didn't just tell her, I told her everything. I spilled all my beans. I even said the "L" word. I told her that I loved her.
There was a moment of silence followed by tears. My first thought was that I had screwed up everything. I didn't know if I should try to hug her or run away with my tail tucked between my legs. I asked her if she was okay. That is when she wiped her eyes and looked at me and said that she loved me too. My heart soared and then it sunk as I heard the word "But" followed by a pause. And then she finished her thought. "But what are we going to do?" she asked.
That is when I got down on my knee and asked her to marry me. She started crying again and asked me if I was sure. I told her that I had never been so sure of anything in my life and I meant it. I sat down next to her on the couch and tried to kiss her, but she pushed me away…because she had just finished a cigarette and didn't want to kiss me without brushing her teeth. I kissed her anyway.
That was our first kiss and I will never forget it for as long as I live. It was long and it was wet and it went on forever, but it didn't last long enough. It was the kiss that I had waited 30 years for. And it was the first time in my life that I had ever kissed a smoker, other than my mother, which of course isn't the same thing. I grew up hearing people say that kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray. Linda is a three pack a day chain smoker, so I did wonder about what it would be like to kiss her. I've never licked an ashtray before so I can't testify to that, but there was definitely an initial shock to my system. The thing is that when you really love somebody, you begin to love everything about that person, and that's how I feel about Linda's smoking. I wish she would quit for health reasons, but at the same time, I think she looks sexy when she smokes. I felt that way when I was a kid and I feel that way now. The only difference is that now I'm old enough to light her cigarettes for her. We've talked about it and knowing how I feel has been a confidence booster for her.
I bought Linda an engagement ring on the same day I asked her to marry me. It took two weeks to get it sized. During that time, we talked about telling my parents, especially my mother. Linda and my mother had lost contact with each other but had become Facebook friends after I told my mother about finding her. Up until then, there was no cat to let out of the bag, so their friendship had been rekindled and they were starting to reconnect.
We also used those two weeks to put Linda's affairs in order and move her to my home in Atlanta. I moved her in on a Saturday and we told my parents that Sunday. What I learned from the experience is that there is no good way to break this kind of news. You just come out and say it and that's exactly what we did. I'm not going to say my mother took it well, because she didn't. But I will say that she and my dad came around and eventually supported our decision to marry.
Linda and I have now been married for almost six months. Our marriage is beautiful, happy, and wonderful, but we're still in the process of adjusting to our age gap. It's easier for me because this is what I've always wanted. It's more challenging for Linda, because it's more of a taboo to her, and she's trying to deal with her relationship to my mother. The only regret that I have is that we wasted the last 30 years. Thanks for letting me tell my story. Telling it is a reminder to me of just how much I love and appreciate her.
Through it all, I never forgot Linda and thought about her frequently. And then one day, I typed her name into Facebook. It wasn't the first time I had done it, but it was the first time I really put some effort into going through the possible matches. It took me several hours, but I eventually found her and she was living three states away. She only had four pictures of her self on her page, and so many years had passed, but I could tell it was her. She was so much older than I had remembered, but my heart was still thumping as hard and as fast as it did when I was 15. I sent her a message and asked if she remembered me. Two weeks went by before she replied.
Yes, Linda remembered me, and the online messaging began. No, I didn't tell her about my lifelong crush, but we talked about everything else, or at least we tried to. Linda wasn't much of a typist, so she gave me her phone number. Not that she was complaining, but she told me things about her life that bothered me. She was a widow and trying her best to make things work financially. She was living in subsidized and struggling with her bills. Her children weren't a part of her life because the blamed her for their father. Linda's husband was an abusive alcoholic. I didn't remember him like that when I was younger. But I guess some things are closely kept secrets.
After about two months of talking on the phone, I made up an excuse about having to be in her area, and asked if I I could stop by and taking her out to dinner. She said yes, so I packed a small bag and headed her way the following weekend.
I remember feeling so nervous and anxious when I knocked on the door to her apartment. It had been 30 years since I had last seen her. How would I feel when I saw her in real life again? What would I do about? Would I spill my guts in the first 5 minutes? I wasn't her boyfriend coming to see her. I was her old best friend's son who was just stopping by for dinner and to catch up. How do you turn something like that into a relationship? I didn't want to offend her and I didn't want to embarrass myself, but I didn't want to live the rest of my life without giving it my best shot.
I knew I was still in love with her the moment she opened the door and smiled at me. My heart pounded like a hammer as she gave me a hug. My eyes soaked up every inch of her as she invited me inside. As far as physical appearances are concerned, she was everything I had hoped for and more. If I had seen her in the grocery store without knowing who she was, I would have been attracted to her. I'm saying this because I know how insecure some older women are about their bodies and I wish they wouldn't feel that way. In my mind, time and gravity don't take their toll on a woman's looks. Time and gravity enhance a woman's looks. Keep in mind that I'm 45 and most of the other YM on this site are probably in their 20s, so one man's age gap isn't another man's age gap. When I was in my 20s, I had the hots for women in their 40s. Now that I'm in my 40s, I'm attracted to the gray hair and the wrinkles and the spots and the sags and the shifts in weight. My attraction and taste for older women has aged along with me. And I suspect many of the YM in their 20s will feel the same way I do when they hit my age.
Linda and I had a wonderful time that night and when I told her I wasn't leaving until the following day, she offered to let me sleep on her couch rather than pay for a hotel, and I accepted her offer. I spent a lot of my time on the couch that night thinking about how I could take our relationship to the next step.
The next day was even better than the first night. We got along so well, but I wasn't ready to tell her how I felt, because I didn't want to scare her away. I left her apartment feeling as if I had failed because I left without telling her how I felt.
For the next two months, we talked on the phone every day and I went up to visit her two more times. It was on my third visit that I got up the courage to tell her how I really felt. I didn't just tell her, I told her everything. I spilled all my beans. I even said the "L" word. I told her that I loved her.
There was a moment of silence followed by tears. My first thought was that I had screwed up everything. I didn't know if I should try to hug her or run away with my tail tucked between my legs. I asked her if she was okay. That is when she wiped her eyes and looked at me and said that she loved me too. My heart soared and then it sunk as I heard the word "But" followed by a pause. And then she finished her thought. "But what are we going to do?" she asked.
That is when I got down on my knee and asked her to marry me. She started crying again and asked me if I was sure. I told her that I had never been so sure of anything in my life and I meant it. I sat down next to her on the couch and tried to kiss her, but she pushed me away…because she had just finished a cigarette and didn't want to kiss me without brushing her teeth. I kissed her anyway.
That was our first kiss and I will never forget it for as long as I live. It was long and it was wet and it went on forever, but it didn't last long enough. It was the kiss that I had waited 30 years for. And it was the first time in my life that I had ever kissed a smoker, other than my mother, which of course isn't the same thing. I grew up hearing people say that kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray. Linda is a three pack a day chain smoker, so I did wonder about what it would be like to kiss her. I've never licked an ashtray before so I can't testify to that, but there was definitely an initial shock to my system. The thing is that when you really love somebody, you begin to love everything about that person, and that's how I feel about Linda's smoking. I wish she would quit for health reasons, but at the same time, I think she looks sexy when she smokes. I felt that way when I was a kid and I feel that way now. The only difference is that now I'm old enough to light her cigarettes for her. We've talked about it and knowing how I feel has been a confidence booster for her.
I bought Linda an engagement ring on the same day I asked her to marry me. It took two weeks to get it sized. During that time, we talked about telling my parents, especially my mother. Linda and my mother had lost contact with each other but had become Facebook friends after I told my mother about finding her. Up until then, there was no cat to let out of the bag, so their friendship had been rekindled and they were starting to reconnect.
We also used those two weeks to put Linda's affairs in order and move her to my home in Atlanta. I moved her in on a Saturday and we told my parents that Sunday. What I learned from the experience is that there is no good way to break this kind of news. You just come out and say it and that's exactly what we did. I'm not going to say my mother took it well, because she didn't. But I will say that she and my dad came around and eventually supported our decision to marry.
Linda and I have now been married for almost six months. Our marriage is beautiful, happy, and wonderful, but we're still in the process of adjusting to our age gap. It's easier for me because this is what I've always wanted. It's more challenging for Linda, because it's more of a taboo to her, and she's trying to deal with her relationship to my mother. The only regret that I have is that we wasted the last 30 years. Thanks for letting me tell my story. Telling it is a reminder to me of just how much I love and appreciate her.
It's good that you've discovered yourself, found who you are and accepted it. But what if I said the opposite? What if I said, "I began thinking about my best friend's daughter [who's 27 let's say]. The feelings I had for her were very powerful and have never been matched by any woman before or since. I didn't know what had happened to her or where she is now, but my question and answer session lead to an epiphany. I finally admitted to myself that I am more attracted to younger women than I am to women my own age." Would it come across the same? Would people accept it the way they accept yours? Or would I be a "pedophile" and a "creepy old man"?
My point, that I've made many times on this forum, is that our social culture is so full of crap.
All our life they sell us youth and beauty; on every TV show, every commercial, every movie and magazine cover. Name one popular show that doesn't have an 18 to early 30s character as the main or focal character. Yet when you get to a certain age they condemn you for wanting it! All your life they inundate you with images of beautiful young adults, but when you reach that "magic age" that's it! You're a "creep" or a "pervert" if you want someone like that. The hypocrisy is a stench! I once joked with my wife that if I wanted to watch TV with people my age and older, I'd have to watch "The Golden Girls" all the time.
Please, don't think I'm biting your head off. I'm just trying to make the point that age-gap acceptance goes both ways. If we're really going to promote the acceptance of people, then it has to be across the board. Acceptance of people's differences isn't really that if it's only for those who are socially/politically/culturally "correct".
My point, that I've made many times on this forum, is that our social culture is so full of crap.
All our life they sell us youth and beauty; on every TV show, every commercial, every movie and magazine cover. Name one popular show that doesn't have an 18 to early 30s character as the main or focal character. Yet when you get to a certain age they condemn you for wanting it! All your life they inundate you with images of beautiful young adults, but when you reach that "magic age" that's it! You're a "creep" or a "pervert" if you want someone like that. The hypocrisy is a stench! I once joked with my wife that if I wanted to watch TV with people my age and older, I'd have to watch "The Golden Girls" all the time.
Please, don't think I'm biting your head off. I'm just trying to make the point that age-gap acceptance goes both ways. If we're really going to promote the acceptance of people, then it has to be across the board. Acceptance of people's differences isn't really that if it's only for those who are socially/politically/culturally "correct".
Definitely not a creep
You are right, Bob. It does go both ways and all ways. You mentioned youth advertising as cause and effect. Could be! I guess i just think it is normal to be attracted to young and beautiful. It seems more instinctual. And that would explain the VYM forums! Very normal in my opinion for both sexes. Of course i am on the other side of the instinctual...and it feels great to have found my place!
You are right, Bob. It does go both ways and all ways. You mentioned youth advertising as cause and effect. Could be! I guess i just think it is normal to be attracted to young and beautiful. It seems more instinctual. And that would explain the VYM forums! Very normal in my opinion for both sexes. Of course i am on the other side of the instinctual...and it feels great to have found my place!
Guess what??
On February 6th, my J proposed! I have always loved Montauk, so he told me he wanted to check out the lighthouse, and I jumped at the opportunity to see it too. We ate lunch at a little restaurant then went out to the point. He got down on one knee and I can tell you, I was SO surprised! My daughter knew, and he had the ring for 2 weeks, trying to figure out how to ask. He was praying for no snow, and it turned out to be a gorgeous day. Perfect In every way.
We're planning a 2018 or 2019 wedding.
On February 6th, my J proposed! I have always loved Montauk, so he told me he wanted to check out the lighthouse, and I jumped at the opportunity to see it too. We ate lunch at a little restaurant then went out to the point. He got down on one knee and I can tell you, I was SO surprised! My daughter knew, and he had the ring for 2 weeks, trying to figure out how to ask. He was praying for no snow, and it turned out to be a gorgeous day. Perfect In every way.
We're planning a 2018 or 2019 wedding.
Slow Worm
Member
Congratulations! Can't believe I did not spot this announcement for two weeks!
:cake:
SW
bmbr
New member
One and half years in...
Hello All,
I have not spent a lot of time on here. We have been running like crazy keeping the business up and moving.
I know the beginning of my relationship was less than savory for some people, however it seems as though deciding to go with my ym was not only the right decision but the best decision I have ever made. We have been at this thing for a year and a half...I read my first post in the forum and I can happily say I feel the exact same way today as I did then. I have honestly found happiness. Correction, we have found happiness with each other. It is an experience I wish everyone could have.
Let me share that this has not been a year of rainbows and bunny rabbits. I decided to let the house and all my belongings go in October, 2015. It was the second best decision I have ever made. We have moved into a very small studio space in order to save money. Keep in mind, we went from a beautiful 3,000 sq ft home to a small 900 sq ft space to share with four dogs.
It has been AMAZING. I was, of course, worried that letting the house go would change his view of me, but it is not at all like that. He loves me more and more each day. We have struggles, arguments, tiffs....but we always fall back into each other's arms before we sleep. This man, this relationship, this experience is something that I never dreamed possible. I wished for, yes, but to imagine it actually happening was beyond my wildest dreams.
This relationship makes me think about our social norms. In reality, I cheated on my now ex-husband. There is no getting away from that. However, the thing that boggles my mind is that in the story I am the bad person and I am the one who hurt others. Why do we as a culture feel that it is the "cheater" who is responsible for the relationship dissolving? Getting married does not mean that one partner is able to sit back and do nothing to improve the relationship. Cheating happens when there is a void in the relationship. That void is on the shoulders of both people in the relationship and the void hurts both. I am curious why it is deemed socially acceptable for one partner to slack through the years of marriage while reaping the rewards of said marriage but it is bad for the other person to find happiness elsewhere. In the end there are hurt feelings on both sides and to say the cheater is more responsible than the cheated is unjustifiable.
What this relationship has taught me is that when someone truly loves you, and I mean truly loves you, they will stand by you in all things. They will deal with your crazy moods without making you feel bad about yourself. They will always tell you that you CAN do anything you set your mind to. When someone truly loves you, they will fill every void as it appears because your happiness is their main objective. They will always support you in whichever goofball endeavors you take on and cheer for your victory. When someone truly loves you, they never allow you to feel bad about being who you are. In fact, when someone really loves you they teach you how to look at yourself through their eyes and love yourself for the wonderfully silly, impatient, mexican jumping bean that you are.
The lessons I have learned from this relationship, this man, are priceless and worth every ounce of hurt I have endured in my life to get here. I make no excuses and I am not sorry for the choices I have made because this man has helped me become the very best version of myself and continues to push me forward.
Obviously I have no idea how long this relationship will last, but to be honest I don't really care or think about that. I care and think about how wonderful today is. How much pleasure there was for me to wake up in his arms this morning. How sweet it is to hand him his lunch box and get that "see you later" kiss before he leaves for work. The "thinking of you" messages that I will get later on today and most importantly, when I mess something up I look at it as being "silly" or "cute" instead of being an idiot or stupid. After one and a half years of hearing "oh, you were just being a cute", it has finally rubbed off on me. I am not stupid. I am a cute. For that I am so very, very grateful.
So here we are at one and a half years. Our happy little family that moves forward every single day.
Hello All,
I have not spent a lot of time on here. We have been running like crazy keeping the business up and moving.
I know the beginning of my relationship was less than savory for some people, however it seems as though deciding to go with my ym was not only the right decision but the best decision I have ever made. We have been at this thing for a year and a half...I read my first post in the forum and I can happily say I feel the exact same way today as I did then. I have honestly found happiness. Correction, we have found happiness with each other. It is an experience I wish everyone could have.
Let me share that this has not been a year of rainbows and bunny rabbits. I decided to let the house and all my belongings go in October, 2015. It was the second best decision I have ever made. We have moved into a very small studio space in order to save money. Keep in mind, we went from a beautiful 3,000 sq ft home to a small 900 sq ft space to share with four dogs.
It has been AMAZING. I was, of course, worried that letting the house go would change his view of me, but it is not at all like that. He loves me more and more each day. We have struggles, arguments, tiffs....but we always fall back into each other's arms before we sleep. This man, this relationship, this experience is something that I never dreamed possible. I wished for, yes, but to imagine it actually happening was beyond my wildest dreams.This relationship makes me think about our social norms. In reality, I cheated on my now ex-husband. There is no getting away from that. However, the thing that boggles my mind is that in the story I am the bad person and I am the one who hurt others. Why do we as a culture feel that it is the "cheater" who is responsible for the relationship dissolving? Getting married does not mean that one partner is able to sit back and do nothing to improve the relationship. Cheating happens when there is a void in the relationship. That void is on the shoulders of both people in the relationship and the void hurts both. I am curious why it is deemed socially acceptable for one partner to slack through the years of marriage while reaping the rewards of said marriage but it is bad for the other person to find happiness elsewhere. In the end there are hurt feelings on both sides and to say the cheater is more responsible than the cheated is unjustifiable.
What this relationship has taught me is that when someone truly loves you, and I mean truly loves you, they will stand by you in all things. They will deal with your crazy moods without making you feel bad about yourself. They will always tell you that you CAN do anything you set your mind to. When someone truly loves you, they will fill every void as it appears because your happiness is their main objective. They will always support you in whichever goofball endeavors you take on and cheer for your victory. When someone truly loves you, they never allow you to feel bad about being who you are. In fact, when someone really loves you they teach you how to look at yourself through their eyes and love yourself for the wonderfully silly, impatient, mexican jumping bean that you are.
The lessons I have learned from this relationship, this man, are priceless and worth every ounce of hurt I have endured in my life to get here. I make no excuses and I am not sorry for the choices I have made because this man has helped me become the very best version of myself and continues to push me forward.
Obviously I have no idea how long this relationship will last, but to be honest I don't really care or think about that. I care and think about how wonderful today is. How much pleasure there was for me to wake up in his arms this morning. How sweet it is to hand him his lunch box and get that "see you later" kiss before he leaves for work. The "thinking of you" messages that I will get later on today and most importantly, when I mess something up I look at it as being "silly" or "cute" instead of being an idiot or stupid. After one and a half years of hearing "oh, you were just being a cute", it has finally rubbed off on me. I am not stupid. I am a cute. For that I am so very, very grateful.
So here we are at one and a half years. Our happy little family that moves forward every single day.
theREALTrish
New member
I would say that the "cheater" is looked upon as the bad person because they are not being honest with the person they're married to. Of course, it's up to both people to keep a relationship going but if one person is not getting their needs met, isn't it better to be honest and disclose the dissatisfaction and unhappiness in the relationship? Then, together, the couple can determine if the marriage can be saved. If it's too far gone, get a divorce. Then begin the new life.
fiorinda
New member
I agree bmbr, it's seldom that simple. It's not always so easy to just leave a marriage that's making you miserable. There can be so many factors. I cheated on my ex-husband. I also stayed until my kids were both grown before leaving. I didn't feel I could justify causing everyone upset. My ex was disrespectful and unpleasant and unloving to me, but a good father to our son. I would never cheat on my second husband because he is wonderful and respects me and makes me feel loved.
theREALTrish
New member
No, it's never that simple. But, as someone who had an affair, and a child, with a married man (over 30 years ago), I would have preferred the honesty, all the way around.
Life is a very difficult and complex maze, isn't it?
LunaLove
New member
Update on me and G.
I met my G online in a game about 8 years ago now. Our story is on this site ....various threads. We've had a great year (married) so far, 30 years apart but going strong. We're both gamers and I made him a cosplay costume and we attended the Seattle PAX a couple months ago. Thought I'd share a video from that as he got pulled up on the Blizzard stage and got the opportunity to show off the Paladin costume I made him. It really was a fabulous day and I'm putting together another video of the people who took photos of him that day. Anyway, he's the "Paladin" and I'm the person behind on the left of his elbow at times. I'm wearing a black tshirt and a plaid over shirt.
https://www.twitch.tv/swifty/v/87749688?t=04h34m07s
Edited to add ... yes..he really is that adorable.
I met my G online in a game about 8 years ago now. Our story is on this site ....various threads. We've had a great year (married) so far, 30 years apart but going strong. We're both gamers and I made him a cosplay costume and we attended the Seattle PAX a couple months ago. Thought I'd share a video from that as he got pulled up on the Blizzard stage and got the opportunity to show off the Paladin costume I made him. It really was a fabulous day and I'm putting together another video of the people who took photos of him that day. Anyway, he's the "Paladin" and I'm the person behind on the left of his elbow at times. I'm wearing a black tshirt and a plaid over shirt.
https://www.twitch.tv/swifty/v/87749688?t=04h34m07s
Edited to add ... yes..he really is that adorable.
theREALTrish
New member
I met my G online in a game about 8 years ago now. Our story is on this site ....various threads. We've had a great year (married) so far, 30 years apart but going strong. We're both gamers and I made him a cosplay costume and we attended the Seattle PAX a couple months ago. Thought I'd share a video from that as he got pulled up on the Blizzard stage and got the opportunity to show off the Paladin costume I made him. It really was a fabulous day and I'm putting together another video of the people who took photos of him that day. Anyway, he's the "Paladin" and I'm the person behind on the left of his elbow at times. I'm wearing a black tshirt and a plaid over shirt.
https://www.twitch.tv/swifty/v/87749688?t=04h34m07s
Edited to add ... yes..he really is that adorable.
He's very cute and you definitely don't look 30 years apart.
LunaLove
New member
That was great to see you both Luna! And awesome job on that costume!
Thank you so much! I made the shoulders for him for Christmas about 3 years ago, and they turned out so well I started working on the rest. We both had a really great time.
LunaLove
New member
Thanks! I think my face is starting to catch up to my age, but I do get told a lot that I don't "seem" my age, meaning I think that I act and talk more like I'm younger. All those years hanging out in the game with twenty and thirty somethings seems to have rubbed off. LOL
