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Perthgirl1

New member
Hi everyone. I was so grateful to find this site. I am a 43 year old woman and my SO is 19. I live in Western Australia... he lives in the UK. We have been 'together' for a year but have never actually been together. I joined a LDR site and was treated very critically because of our age gap. I started doubting myself even though I know that he loves me and I love him. I let them get to me. I guess the fact that we are LD makes it hard to because I cannot get a hug from him at the end of the day. I cant get a kiss and a reassuring "i love you". I am hoping to travel to UK to meet him soon. I would love to hear from other couples in LDR. And I cannot wait to read the stories of successful ageless couples. I am lucky in that my children are supportive, but I know that not everyone is going to be so understanding. how do you deal with it? Any tips for the LDR side of things? Thank you for reading... and thank you in advance because I just know that this site is going to really help me. :)
 

SummerBob

Super Moderator
Hi everyone. I was so grateful to find this site. I am a 43 year old woman and my SO is 19. I live in Western Australia... he lives in the UK. We have been 'together' for a year but have never actually been together. I joined a LDR site and was treated very critically because of our age gap. I started doubting myself even though I know that he loves me and I love him. I let them get to me. I guess the fact that we are LD makes it hard to because I cannot get a hug from him at the end of the day. I cant get a kiss and a reassuring "i love you". I am hoping to travel to UK to meet him soon. I would love to hear from other couples in LDR. And I cannot wait to read the stories of successful ageless couples. I am lucky in that my children are supportive, but I know that not everyone is going to be so understanding. how do you deal with it? Any tips for the LDR side of things? Thank you for reading... and thank you in advance because I just know that this site is going to really help me. :)

Hello Perthgirl1 and welcome to Ageless!

I have a question that I'm curious about. You say that you're in a LDR, but are treated very critically. By whom? The people on the site or forum through which you met? Or by people locally?

I guess the best thing to do is deal with the people closest to you --- family and close friends --- the best way you can. Stand your ground, let them know this is your decision, and if they really care about you they'll come around when they see that you have a true relationship. Other people just ignore. I know that's easier said than done, but they have their own life to live and you have yours. What you do in your privacy is none of their business.

Good luck and I hope it works for you.
 

SheLikesKitties

OW/YM 21YR GAP
Hello!
My relationship started as a LDR. He is from Indiana, I am Panamanian. I did not bother to make my relationship known until he was ready to move in with me. You know your relationship is real, people don't, those who do not believe in long distance love will not be convinced. Those who do not believe in age gap relationships will not be convinced. Only time will validate your relationship, but in the meantime, enjoy your love and do not worry about others.

My husband and I met online in a chat room in May 2003, then we met for real in November that year, and he moved in with me in Dec. 2004. He traveled back and forth with a tourist visa, so he had to go back to the US every 3 months. Then we married in 2010. It was quite a challenge. When we married everyone was against it, to the point that we even had to ask total strangers to be our witnesses. Now we are accepted and everyone is happy.
 

Perthgirl1

New member
Hello Perthgirl1 and welcome to Ageless!

I have a question that I'm curious about. You say that you're in a LDR, but are treated very critically. By whom? The people on the site or forum through which you met? Or by people locally?

I guess the best thing to do is deal with the people closest to you --- family and close friends --- the best way you can. Stand your ground, let them know this is your decision, and if they really care about you they'll come around when they see that you have a true relationship. Other people just ignore. I know that's easier said than done, but they have their own life to live and you have yours. What you do in your privacy is none of their business.

Good luck and I hope it works for you.

Thank you. To answer your question... I'm treated critically in reference to our age gap - not the fact that we are in a LDR. I was a member of a LDR site similar to this and the members there were very critical. Told me I was being selfish, I was destroying his life, I was being unfair because we cant have kids (I've had to have a hysterectomy)... etc etc... Their comments made me start doubting myself and our relationship. My kids are okay with it - not over the moon happy - but they want me to be happy and will accept my SO because he makes me happy. Thank you for your advice :D
 

LunaLove

Member
Hi everyone. I was so grateful to find this site. I am a 43 year old woman and my SO is 19. I live in Western Australia... he lives in the UK. We have been 'together' for a year but have never actually been together. I joined a LDR site and was treated very critically because of our age gap. I started doubting myself even though I know that he loves me and I love him. I let them get to me. I guess the fact that we are LD makes it hard to because I cannot get a hug from him at the end of the day. I cant get a kiss and a reassuring "i love you". I am hoping to travel to UK to meet him soon. I would love to hear from other couples in LDR. And I cannot wait to read the stories of successful ageless couples. I am lucky in that my children are supportive, but I know that not everyone is going to be so understanding. how do you deal with it? Any tips for the LDR side of things? Thank you for reading... and thank you in advance because I just know that this site is going to really help me. :)

My YM and I have an almost 30 year age gap, he's early 20s. However we're still LD. Met more than 6 years ago in an online game, became very close friends for years then about 2 years ago we realized we'd fallen in love. After about a year of our long distance love we met last summer for the first time. It went amazingly well. And I then traveled to see him in the fall and he was just here again to see me last week. The plan is that he'll be moving here with me around the new year.

His friends who know about us are cool with it. Most of his family hates it. My ex and our mutual game friend are very supportive, they both have seen the huge amount of love we have for each other. A few of my friends, particularly older women, are dubious at best, they think we'll both be hurt. However the fact is that we know for sure we'll both be horribly hurt if we were to lose each other now. And I don't know how anyone can justify throwing away love now because MAYBE we'll find love again with someone else more "suitable" later. Just doesn't make sense at all.

I haven't convinced myself we'll be together forever though and I don't want that unless we are both still happy. In fact I know that if at some point he's no longer happy, maybe starts thinking about kids, I will cease being happy as well, and at that point it would be time to part. But this is the best relationship I've ever had with another person in my life. I've never had something so close, so loving, so healthy and positive. And he feels I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him as well. So neither of us has any interest in throwing that away no matter what anyone else thinks.

Are you planning on this being LD forever though? Or do you hope to eventually get together? We'll have spent about 3 years LD by the time we're actually living together. A long hard 3 years.

Personally, I think that you might want to wait until you meet him to get too emotionally invested as it's so hard to tell until you meet if the "chemistry" is really there. Chemistry is so weird and so hit and miss. Just can't tell until you hold each other, hug and kiss. However I didn't wait, it wasn't a choice, so I just feel extremely lucky it worked out so well.
 

SummerBob

Super Moderator
Thank you. To answer your question... I'm treated critically in reference to our age gap - not the fact that we are in a LDR. I was a member of a LDR site similar to this and the members there were very critical. Told me I was being selfish, I was destroying his life, I was being unfair because we cant have kids (I've had to have a hysterectomy)... etc etc... Their comments made me start doubting myself and our relationship. My kids are okay with it - not over the moon happy - but they want me to be happy and will accept my SO because he makes me happy. Thank you for your advice :D

I figured it was "online" disapproval. You have to understand that people on the Internet are mostly anonymous. They hide behind "forum" names, know that is is highly unlikely they will ever face the people they comment to/on personally, and feel emboldened to say whatever they say; things they would never say face to face. It amazes me how many people judge people online, thinking they "know" them. In reality, a forum message is just a snapshot in time and words on a page without oral communication, body language or historical context. So it is quite an abstraction!
 
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