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"I'd marry you but I've got 6 years on ya"


New member
Okay so, there's this girl who I'm insanely in love with, she's smart, funny, cute, she's basically got it all. She's my reason to smile, we have deep conversations as we look into each other's eyes smiling at each other. We met at college and we have been talking for some time now and we are both extremely close, we go out together, we study together, and we have these long conversations over the phone. Basically is we are not face to face we are either texting or calling each other. we have our own inside jokes and we are comfortable enough to tell each other anything and everything. But she sees me as just a friend, she often says to me "you're the best, I'd date/marry you but I've got 6 years on ya"
I'M 18 turning 19 in July and she's 24 turning 25 in late November. We both know that we'd be prefect for each other and I don't mind the age difference but she does. We both agree that we would be prefect for each other and that we'd be a prefect couple, but she just thinks that its weird that we have 6 years between us. I have no idea on how to convince her or tell her that our age difference doesn't matter.
Anyone got ideas on what I should do? :confused:


Super Moderator
Hi! And welcome to Ageless.

I wish my "problem" was that I was "only" attracted to people 6 years apart from me. I was in my mid 30s and seeking women double digits younger than me.

I think your bigger problem than age is this "eternal friendship" type of relationship you have with the girl. It's very hard to go from being like a brother, or a pal to "hang around" with, to something more than that. I had a friend like that in college who was only 3 years younger. The only thing I would say is to keep building the friendship and enjoy what you do have with her. If and when the time is right you both will realize that there is something more than friendship. In the meantime I would stay open to other opportunities.

Slow Worm

she just thinks that its weird that we have 6 years between us. I have no idea on how to convince her or tell her that our age difference doesn't matter.

Any idea why she feels like that?

The trouble with asking here is that this site of full of people who never did think that way, and haven't much insight into why anyone else would.
There are members here who started out with prejudices around age gaps but changed their views, but for many it just never occurred to us that their might be any problem.



When I was starting my relationship with my now husband, I had certain misgivings, so he pointed me to this website where you will find happy stories of couples with 10, 20 and 30 age gap differences. The board is not as active as it was 14 years ago when we started, but you can find old threads about all sorts of topics. My husband and I are have a 21 years age gap. I am 58, and he is 37. We are also an interracial couple... and an international couple. Anyways... I can honestly tell you that our age difference does not accept our relationship at all. Things like who gets to walk the dog or who does the dishes are the main causes of "stress" in our relationship.

Is there any way you can convince her to have sex? Some people are more willing to have sex with someone than to have a relationship. Sex for sex's sake does not consider the age of the parties, just the attraction.

Anyways, if she says no, I guess you will have to have patience, while at the same time think that there are other fish in the ocean. Good luck!


New member
How seriously have you discussed the possibility of being more than friends?

As Slow Worm said, as someone who doesn't have a problem with an age difference, it's hard to speculate. But I'm trying to imagine someone else's perspective, and I'm still having trouble understanding that someone would wouldn't consider a relationship with someone they were interested in due to a mere 6 years. That's why I'm wondering exactly what conversations you've had. Have you told her how you feel, and she said she has feelings for you, but isn't comfortable with the age difference? Or are these kind of casual, joking comments about being perfect for each other if not for a 6 year age difference?


New member
I see that you feel like you have great chemistry with this gal and feel really close to her emotionally. The way I understand it, you'd like to take it to the next step but haven't ever made your move. She's hinted that she'd be open to taking it further, but ___.

A few questions:

When you go out, what do you do? Is it actual boy/girl romance date stuff, or is it friend zone, group date, hanging out stuff? Some gals like having a male friend (or several) whom they'll "lead on" but have no intention of ever getting serious with. You're good for buying them lunch or coffee, or making sure they always have someone to hang with & never have to go anywhere alone (being a single in a couples' world sucks), or bailing them out when they get themselves in a fix (like forgetting to put gas in the car, when they know the gas gauge doesn't work). If that's the situation you're in, no matter how "perfect" this girl is, cut yourself loose. (You might think she's perfect; I might think she's like my former roommate & pray for the day you get tired of her crap and dump her flat on her butt.)

What has she done at 24 that you haven't done at 18? Sometimes there's a HUGE difference in life experience between 18 and 24 that has nothing to do with the difference in age as measured by birthdays. If she's been in the military or already earned a degree, for example, that might account for some of her reservation. When I was 30, I was engaged to a YM who was 18, who'd told me he was he was 21 (When we went out, I got carded & he didn't). About 6 months after I accepted his proposal, I ended the relationship. He'd never had a full time job, never been responsible for his own living expenses, and didn't see the need to change that.

Are you in the US? The reason I ask: in the US, consumption of alcohol is illegal until age 21. That makes it really, really difficult for someone who's over 21 to date someone who's under 21--the person who's under 21 is not allowed, by law, to enter certain establishments. That throws a damper on the relationship if she's into any kind of social activity like pool, billiards, darts, dancing, or the club scene. (We so don't have a "club scene" here in our little berg, but I see on TV that it's a thing in the larger cities.) In a lot of places, even if you plan to stay in and she wants to have have wine or beer with dinner, you can't be with her when she buys it.

Make it crystal clear to her, in a direct conversation that's emotionally safe for you, that you see this as a growing romantic relationship. If that isn't how she sees it, you're already "not on the same page" and your best bet is to move on.