I'm scared.

[Wendy Time]

Hello Everyone,
Okay, long story short: My bf is 28 years older than me. His children are also older than I am. We've known each other for six years and have been dating for 2.5 years. We began an exclusive relationship just over a year ago.

My problem is that I've been keeping this relationship a secret to everyone except a few close friends. My family has no idea he even exists. I am close to my family, and this is really tearing me up. I desperately want to tell them, but every time I think of doing it, I just lose my nerve because I know it will change everything. And just for your information, my mother is very oriented on societal norms. On the other hand, I know I can't go on like this for much longer. I love him. Also, his family knows nothing about me. His divorce became final last summer. Does anyone have any words of wisdom? Should I just bring it up casually? I know I'll get some good answers, as I've enjoyed reading all the posts. Thank you.

 

[Wendy Time]

more info...

I'm 26. I have my own place and live about 80 miles away from my parents. However, since my bf lives in the same town as them, I often see them and go home every weekend. My mom's the type who likes to call a couple times a week to see how I'm doing. She thinks my sister's husband has ruined her life so she's afraid of the same thing happening to me. She talks about it alot. That's probably another reason.

I know the answer is simple: just tell them. I'm an adult, self-sufficient, and I have a lot going for me. I'm afriad they'll be disappointed in me, I guess. Thanks for hearing me out.

 

[MerAlove23]

Well You are old enough to make your own decision... maybe it's time to move out on your own.. or maybe your OM and you ar ready to live together? if not just try and talk to them.. let them know youl ove them and you love him and you need to do this and if your making a mistake then its your mistake to make but if it's not then You need to find out..... and You don't want to lose something you may never get again... True love is a wonderful thing and you shouldn't let it go because of someone else....... I would try and talk to them... I thought my parents were going to FLIP when I told them my husband was 17 years older than me... guess what they surprised me and accepted him and they love him to death now..... I swear they like him more than me LOLO

 

[miss b]

I've lived what you're going through, not with my parents but with my children and other family members. Its a hard spot to be in. You want everyone to be ok with your relationship with the person that you've choosen.

I wish you luck.

Remember...if its worth having its worth fighting for.

 

[fos4snt]

Good point, miss b.

I can say that I guess their reaction will really depend on what kind of parents they are... my mother and brother always had a very similar relationship as you do to your Mom. Visiting weekends from 100 miles away, frequent calls during the week. This kind of contact is not necessarily indicitive of the mother being overly controlling. It's those kinds of parents who have issues letting their adult children lead their own lives.

Luckily for me, my mother is not like that. She doesn't approve of my relationship (I'm 33, he's 19), but she also knows where to draw the line. She loves me and only wants the best for me and while she knows she cannot control me or make my decisions for me, she still finds it hard to understand. That's okay.

I am still VERY close to my mom (see her everyday) and 98% of the time, there is just no discussing Litical. The longer he is part of my life and the longer she has to adapt to the situation, the easier it gets. For both of us. She has her opinions, but deep down... I know from her behavior and attitude that she loves ME and has no intent to abandon our friendship over a disagreement.

I stick to my guns and love my guy, because he is worth it! Others might not like it, but they don't have to live with us, either. My kids love him and I love him, and therefore... who cares what others think?

Tell you parents. Let them have time to adjust. No matter what their initial reactions are, do not blow them out of proportion in your head and trust... in time... they will mellow. Heck, they might surprise you and say, "Oh GOOD!" LOL.

Good luck and keep us posted on what happens. You NEED to tell them. You will feel better by doing so. Hiding something from the people so close to you is never a good feeling.

~phosphorescent

 

[fos4snt]

LOL. Guess I was lucky. My Mom watched me fall on my face so many times. She's not done. LOL. She has never, ever been controlling. My X would tell you she IS, but she's only influential...

... and that's because, 98% of the time, she's right. And she never said, "I told you so."

God, I love her.

And in this relationship, she only says "I don't approve of the age gap." She never says anything bad about Litical, as a person. Or say that we are doomed or could never work. Just that she doesn't approve of the age gap. It was vehement at first, but she has never attacked him. I admire her.

I certainly hope I am as capable of self-control and restraint when it comes to my own children. I know in her shoes, I would throttle me for many of the things I've done! LOL.

~phosphorescent

 

[wvdreamer]

Come Out

I was really hesitant about telling my folks that I was dating a much younger woman. I did not tell them for months that she was 22 years younger...when that finally came out, my dad went through the roof!

However, once everything was finally laid on the table, the family learned to deal with our decision.

Whether or not they fully accept it, as long as my wife and I are happy, that is what is important...I still pray those who do not understand will receive understanding.

If this man is the one for you, don't be shameful or secretive...let your love be true, honest, and open. You will be surprised how many folks out there will actually accept your man.

 

[Wendy Time]

Wow. Thank you so much everyone for sharing your experiences! I could identify with what most of you had to say. I especially got a kick out of the tatooed forhead! I think my mom wants us all to be as "normal" as possible. She probably will automatically assume the worst when I tell her. I love her and she's done so much for us. She truly is an awesome mom. That's why I would hate to see her disappointed, but, like you all said, it will take time for her to adjust. Thanks to you all, and I will keep you posted.

 

[Wendy Time]

Sorry one more thing, I have a problem with the whole "as long as your'e happy your family can suck a lemon" I don't really agree with that. I am close to my family, and I want to keep it that way, even if they have to adjust. Know what I'm saying?

 

[insearch]

Hmmm.. I dunno. Who are you living your life for? Yourself or others? Just a thought?

 

[kat7]

Just to give you another viewpoint

I was in a relationship until very recently with the same gap but roles reversed. I'm am a 54 yo woman who had a 26 yr old b/f. We were together off and on for 3 1/2 yrs. We had other issues, but the biggest bone of contention for me was that he would not tell his family, and that's what finally pushed the relationship over the edge. He just wasn't willing to face his parents reaction because he knew it was going to be negative.

So, if you want to move forward with the relationship, sooner or later you're going to have to come clean with your parents.

The other piece of the story you haven't mentioned is your BF. What does he want to happen??

 

[Wendy Time]

My bf wants me to tell my family, but ultimately says it's up to me. He has not told anyone in his fam about me, either, including his children and ex-wife. Except for his brother.

 

[Wendy Time]

Hi Nessa...we have been together for a total of 2 1/2 years. I know it sounds crazy, but neither of us has made any attempt to introduce each other to our families. He's offered to introduce me to his brothers, who he knows will not care, but not his children. His children are older than I am. His divorce was final 6 mos. ago, so maybe that's why he's waiting. As for me, I guess I'm just waiting for the right time to tell my fam. I am sick of keeping this a secret from those I love most. I just got off the phone w/ my mom. So far this week, she has told me that there are three guys she wants me to meet!! So anyway, I am really feeling the urge to tell them. And yes, my bf and I would like to get married (he's waiting for army retirement pension to kick in and for me to tell my family) and possibly have a child....someday....not anytime soon.

 

[eddiesfairy]

I told eveyone in my family close to me i had a younger guy in my life and i was happy. They all were very supportive, yet sceptical...they havent met him i live a long ways from them, my sister met him and likes him....he hasnt told anyone in his family yet, but again we both live 3000 miles away from our folks....i just wonder how long it will take for the cat to come out of the bag with his family. In the mean time i am leaving that up to him and enoying his company. My brother has teased me a couple of times about Eddie's age, but he wasnt mean or vindictive, just being funny and in his way saying as long as i am happy.


Eddie is 16 years younger than me 37, him 21.


Have to mention Nessa you are one heck (reminding myself of those mods...lol) of a WOMAN!...I admire you!

Barb aka that silly fairy!