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Interested in a woman from a different country

segfault

New member
We've met in a language course in Germany about a year ago. I'm from Portugal, 23yo and she's from Croatia, 49yo. As the language course went on, I demonstrated interest on her with such examples as throwing little papers at her and tickling her sides. We started running together in the woods (she's a physiologist while I'm a software developer) and she taught me physical exercises and how to eat better. I would then give her a perspective on how computers work in a way she could understand, so I would use figurative language that would connect my technical knowledge with the knowledge she knew from fitness and nutrition.

Every single instance of communication felt open and natural. Some weekends when we had more time I would visit her and help her with cooking and cleaning the apartment. It was a genuine feeling doing the tasks together.

Then one night it happened. It was a very long, crazy, exhaustive night. After that I would visit her weekly and spend time together and have "hot coffee".

I was dressing up to go home after spending time with her until almost midnight and she comes from the kitchen after finishing smoking one of those light cigarettes. "What are you expecting of me?"
I simply look at her in the eyes. "I told you before, first it's important we have a great friendship, because it's the structure that will keep us together should something happen with our sexual and maybe romantic relationships"
"But we can't really have a romantic relationship right now, I'm trying to re-establish my career in this country, while you're in the early stages of yours. It wouldn't work."
I make hand gestures while talking. "I know that, I ain't saying it has to be now. I mean like, it's important to make sure we have our careers set in this country, then we'll see what happens."
"Yes, we'll see what happens..."

I went back to Portugal for summer holidays. Came back and started my Ausbildung as a software developer and she's preparing to start her Weiterbildung. It has taken a toll on our sexual relationship, as we haven't seen each other for months, so we just talk on WhatsApp, although not much, like once per week. During the time I managed to cope with the feelings of longing by applying them to my creative works. I make music as a hobby and am slowly building my home studio, while sharpening my writing skills by writing short stories and practicing chess. All these activities help me cope with the feelings of longing, and I make sure I tell her I miss her pearl necklace.

One of those creative works involves a character in a game that is essentially inspired on her. The game has a "Deviation" attribute that indicates how accurate and mutual are the "Friendship", "Romance" and "Sexuality" attributes. At the start of a relationship Deviation has a high percentage, so that means the other attributes will fluctuate like crazy and then over time, as Deviation decreases, the other attributes become more stable.
Late game, when Deviation becomes really low, she transforms into a "Nightmare" form when the main antagonist and final boss turns psychotic and transforms into a dragon and wants to kill her to take the main character away from her. Her Nightmare form is called Omega and is a horribly-twisted version of her: tall but morbidly obese, disfigured face and really thin arms and legs. Omega uses 3 abilities: Backlash, Gown of Regret and her ultimate, Back to Black:
  • Backlash attaches one of her bandaged, spiked past husbands (called "spiked mummies") into a whip to strike the antagonist. The "spiked mummy" loses health in the process, and the more health lost combined between all "spiked mummies", the more damage Omega deals. This is inspired from my friend having 2 real past relationships with men who took her for granted and treated her accordingly.
  • Gown of Regret surrounds all "spiked mummies" around Omega to reduce damage taken by 75%. This is inspired from my friend feeling like she's wasting her time since she "doesn't have a man in her life yet", specially after more than 10 years fully concentrating on her career.
  • Back to Black is Omega's ultimate. She will inflate herself into a massive black blob that completely covers the antagonist, then explodes. This is inspired from my friend's favorite song, Back to Black by Amy Winehouse.

The feelings of longing persist. Over time I've been developing both my hobbyist and professional skills, and continue to do so. I'm inclined to think if I were to become her man, she would be able to feel happy. But I also feel like we're both caught in between fear, and "Deviation" is slowly increasing.


Thanks for reading. Your feedback about this situation would really be appreciated.
 

SheLikesKitties

OW/YM 21YR GAP
Hello! Welcome. I think that in relationships sometimes there is an unbalance regarding feelings and interest for each other. Sparse communication is not good. I remember when I started my relationship with my husband we would communicate frequently for hours. If you both have whatsapp, try sending messages more often, although not more than once a day at first. Maybe pictures of interesting things you run into. Share your life with her in little ways, to see if a good friendship develops. At present I do not see that.

Good luck and wisdom!
 

segfault

New member
Hello! Welcome. I think that in relationships sometimes there is an unbalance regarding feelings and interest for each other. Sparse communication is not good. I remember when I started my relationship with my husband we would communicate frequently for hours. If you both have whatsapp, try sending messages more often, although not more than once a day at first. Maybe pictures of interesting things you run into. Share your life with her in little ways, to see if a good friendship develops. At present I do not see that.

Good luck and wisdom!

Thanks! I've been lurking for some time and saw your posts, so I figured why not contribute with my situation?

I think she's afraid because she realized things could get serious so she started pushing me away with "We can't have a relationship for obvious reasons". Obviously telling her I want her to be my woman isn't enough, so I'm trying to convince her and told her she needs her time to reflect and consider.

You're absolutely right on developing good friendships. I don't think this woman remembers what that actually is in a vivid manner.

Again, thank you for your input!
 
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