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JJ2k2 update



Things were going fine between me and 'BB' the past several weeks. As you all know, at the end of Dec I was heading off for a 12 month work assignment several states away.

I was preparing to leave town on Jan 1 and stopped by to say goodbye. She told me that I will find a nice girl where I'm going. But I like the one I have now, I protested. She told me that she was too old for me and that I needed someone around my age and that I'd met someone nice and get married and have kids(who said anything about getting married????). She did insist on remaining friends.

Its over. Sucks, but I'm OK.

I wanted to thank ya'll for your advice and stuff. I won't forget it.

Happy 2004 (2k4) to all!

As an interesting aside, she insists that when we first met she wasn't flirting with me. Oh well, chalk that up to experience.


I'm sorry to hear that.

Hi, i'm sorry to hear your story. You aren't alone, i've been told that before in the past "im to old for you" a couple of times. I wish you good luck!



I'm sorry Java,
I can understand some of where your lady-friend is coming from.
There is a "risk" involved when it comes to giving your heart to a YM and this particular OW might have felt that she knew what was best for you.
I am not saying that she did know what is best
for you, only that she thinks she does.

I don't think the YM considers much about how it can cause an OW
to feel, (in regard to herself), when she commits to a YM.
Your youth can cause her age to glare at her everytime she looks in the mirror.
Your youth is a constant reminder of what she no longer has.

It takes a strong woman to look beyond that and still be secure
in the beauty that becomes her as she travels her path with a dashing young man alongside her.
Your devotion and unyeilding interest plays little part in all of that.
It's all on the woman herself.

You will find strong, confident women here at Ageless that
might poo-poo my theory, but I feel that I am right.
I wrestle with these feelings myself in regard to dating YM.
I am certain that this woman feels she is looking out for your best interest by patting you sweetly on the head and sending you on your merry way, but in actuality, she is protecting herself from getting hurt.

Keep her in high regard as your friend.
And like you stated, you are okay.

Good luck to you!

Of course she was flirting with you!
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She started you moving by her flirting. No one can flirt with someone they are not attracted to. It really doesn't work. The attraction can be minimal, but tehre has to be some physical attraction. She did it, she went out with you, and now she is pushing you away. It's a defense, whether she has decided she doesn't want teh difficulties of dating a yougner guy or is scared of something or whatever.



I don't know what happened before, since this is the first post I've seen about your problem, but I can tell you how very difficult it is for a woman who is many years older than you are, to feel confidence in that relationship. I know because I have been there. You may think that she's pushing you away, and on one level, I believe she is - mostly because she doesn't want to tie you down to a relationship that she knows, ultimately, will end. It isn't just a lack of confidence in herself - she may have all the confidence in the world. Some women have confidence when they're 90 - does that mean you'll be with her then? Of course not! It would be ridiculous for anyone to believe that. The fact that she already has probably been hurt at least severl times in her life (that's life...we all get hurt), and knowing that eventually you will want to be with someone younger, makes her KNOW she is doing the right thing letting you go , even though it may be killing her to do it.

On the other hand, although I believe every word I just wrote, I also believe that no one knows what's going to happen tomorrow. While the chances are good that you will get tired of her or you will want someone younger, there is always a chance that it will be the other way around. As in any relationship, we all hope it will last forever, but sometimes it doesn't and if I were her, having someone here and now who loves me and wants me as much as you want her, I would take the risk and try to treat it as any other relationship. As a matter of fact, that's exactly what I am doing!

I hope things work out for you and that no matter what happens, that it will be the best for both of you.


It is hard to let someone go that you care about, especially when you know that it is for the best in some cases. Being an OW with a YM has it drawbacks for sure, but some would say to go with the flow until it stops. Seeing that you are leaving for 12 months, lots of things can happen. She knows that long a time spent without each other, that this is the best thing for you. I myself have such misgivings about being with a YM, that I let him go....and I cried and anguised over it terribly, but got him back temporatily till I get my sences back and let him go again. I am a realist, and know that my "good times" with my YM will come to an end. Some may disagree, but I cannot see myself with my YM when I am 70yrs old...and he is 43 yrs old as an example. Maybe some of you can, but I cannot. So I struggle each day still, and all I can do is wait it out now. I know I should let him go, and continue on with my life. But it is so hard to do. I am sure she will always remember you, and you will have a special place in her heart. I feel for you, and for her......Good Luck to you