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LDR and Military



I know there are some here who have experience with meeting or chatting with ym online who are in the military, active duty. I have corresponded with at least two ym who are, and more recently one in particular. Previously, nothing developed beyond friendly chatting stages, and then waned. I guess I am questioning the wisdom of it this time around for a few reasons.

One is that correspondence is not frequent enough, which leads me to wonder if timing is just bad. I mean, they do have other things they need to do, or other things to think about, besides a woman they talk to online.

Another is just the whole age difference, long distance, military dynamic here. It seems harder to build some kind of relationship here with these factors. I don't believe it's impossible, however. I'm just trying to sort it out. I am just wondering if anyone can shed some light on experiences you may have had with ym online in the military.
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Hey Gen...:)
we've talked a little about this in PMs.
I have a couple of YM friends who I either chat with via IM or email. One who is in the Army and in Afghanistan now and is 21.

I have to say as far as frequency and quality of content/communication its hit or miss. Its tough not to take it personally or read every great letter as a good sign and every short impersonal one as a bad sign---I struggle with that too.

Right now the guys I am writing are just friends so Im pretty detached and its no biggie---if I dont hear from him in a week I may write and ask if he's OK, and soon I get a nice long letter and an "Im sorry, we are pulling 12 hour days".

I think if I was trying to develop a romantic relationship that it would be pretty difficult unless we were also able to talk on the phone and had mutually agreed that we were "In a relationship" or at least trying to be.
I guess all I can say with certainty is that those guys arent doing the 9-5 thing where the biggest deal is the printer running out of toner or being late for the 3 o'clock meeting so even if they have the best of intentions, it may not seem it....and the more time we have to ponder and wonder the more our imaginations may come into play.

Its a toughie!!!


Thanks for responding, Ravenglow. I agree with all you've said. I think part of it is, I've become particularly fond of a 20 yr. old Airborne soldier, but perhaps what I really need to do is detach somewhat, and let sticks fall where they may.

It's not always easy to find someone you seem to click with, and when you do, well.. it's like finding a treasure. However, I'm also a realist, or I try to be, and I try to keep things in perspective. You are right though, the more time we have to ponder, the more our imaginations come into play, and usually it's not good. :(
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Hi Genevieve,

I can offer you a little insight from his perspective after having been deployed to the Gulf in '99, while in a LDR with my GF, now ex-wife.

One of our biggest problems was us making a time for me to call and then me not being able to do it. One time we pullednto port for liberty and i was supposed to call her at 4pm. When 4pm rolled around I was still on ship, in a large double S-shaped line, waiting to process out and take a boat to the shore. When i finally made it to the shore at 6pm and called her she was hysterical and demanding to know why I didnt call her when promised. It was of no use for me to explain that while she was on my mind the whole time it wasn't possible for me to yell out, "Hey, I'm sorry guys, but I need to cut through the line so I can call my GF!" If there's nothing else you learn in the military its that your individual needs mean nothing and the units needs are placed above all else.

Many days, whether deployed or back at the barracks, your day is usually 20 million things to get done or sit around all day and hope you dont get picked for a work detail. When its 20 million things you don't have time to think of anything else but the task in front of you, but when its get up at 3am to sit on your pack until 8am you are all that on our mind. The only problem is that you, as the SO thousands of miles away, don't know what kind of day it is.

If he's in boot camp, he's most likely busy all the time: doing drill, uniform prep, weapons training, or spending time with his face in the sand. The only time you have for yourself and your thoughts is at night, alone in your rack. If you're not too tired you might be able to write a letter, but usually all you can do is stretch out, take notice of all your blisters and bruises and think of the day you'll see your loved one again. We'll have your picture out, tracing the lines of your face, memorizing it to an extent where after awhile its imprinted in your mind. One thing you can do, that will both make his life easier and earn his undying gratitude is to send him a care package. He'll need things like wool socks, Vitamin C drops (your immune system can sometimes take a hit from all the training and exhaustion), pictures of you (don't send naked ones unless you don't mind his drill sergeant (for Army((drill instructor for Marines) looking at them and possibly posting them on the board where everyone else can see them. Also, another trick you can do is to take a shampoo bottle, empty the contents into a bowl, slice a half-moon into the bottom, and place a ziploc-bagged Snickers bar into the bottle. Take a butane lighter and gently melt the plastic back into place and refill the bottle. When he's in the shower he'll get a pleasant surprise. Trust me when I say he'll be thinking of you all night.

I don't know if all this still applies as I've heard that boot camp has gotten easier in the past few years. I don't know if he has access to vending machines, TV, a phone, etc, etc but I do know that the gesture itself is beyond value.

I hope this helps and if you have any questions you can post them here or PM me and I'll do whatever i can to help.

Best of luck to you and your soldier. :)


Thank you so much for that response! At this point, I really do not know what will happen. My guess is, probably nothing. It's hard to develop a friendship/relationship, especially online or long distance when there is hardly correspondence, and lack of communicating one's feelings/thoughts. It amazes me that men can jump out of perfectly good airplanes, but if a woman tells them she likes them, they are scared sh**less. Hahaha. :D Oh well.

I'm glad you shared that though, because it truly does give a better picture of what things are like on the other end, and gives me a greater sense of understanding about the whole situation. However, it's my feeling that this is just another case of mixed feelings on his part, and running scared, or saying certain things at the time, but later having a change of heart, or disinterest on his part. And so be it. Not much I can do there. :( Just let it go, I guess.
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