Lets hear it for the exes!!

[southerngal]

I've been meaning to post this for a long time and finally remembered it. I collect Dear Abby's and this one speaks for itself. Its titled "Wife credits hubby for self-reliance"

Dear Abby: After spending yet another night alone while my husband was out having a few beers with his friends, I decided to write him the following thank-you note:

Thank you for the countless times you've gone out with your friends and left me home alone; it's made me realize I'm pretty good company.

Thank you for withholding your affection; you taught me I can live without it.

Thank you for refusing to help me do anything around the house; it's made me realize I can do just about anything myself.

But most of all, and I mean this sincerely, thank you for giving me nine lonely years to realize with conviction that I can walk away from you and survive!"

Your In-Name-Only Wife

 

[Harrison]

That's right

Yes, sometimes adversity does breed strength.

 

[Jody<3]

Hey SG, that was neat! But you know, girl, don't even get me started on the exes!!!! lol!

 

[whiterose]

I actually did send my ex-husband a thank you letter. I really do give him the credit for me being able to move on with my life.

After he walked out on me with a small baby, I was devastated. I loved him deeply. He and I spent the next several years on a roller coaster ride trying to decide whether to get back together. It became my mission to try to save him. I became very co-dependent.

But, each time I would get my hopes up that things would work out between us, he would suddenly disappear from our lives. And, I do mean SUDDENLY. One minute he's there, the next, all traces of him are gone without a word of warning. Nothing worse than coming home to find your husband's things all gone and no note to explain why.

So, it took me a long time to finally learn that I am better off without him in my life. Guess it just takes me a while to give up on people. When he left the last time 3 1/2 years ago, and stayed gone, I finally broke free from those co-dependent chains.

And, I meant every word when I wrote him that letter to thank him. I thanked him for finally staying gone long enough for me to have the time to break free from those chains.

Now, we can be friends. And, I don't spend all my time trying to fix him and get him to come back home. He is now the one who is lonely. But, I am free at last from all that chaos.

 

[xited1]

Tnanks for the memories!

I thank my ex for giving me the incredible strength to have survived his abuse! I do credit him for helping me to become what I am today (there's that baggage we were talking about). However, I would never actually send him a letter or tell him "Thank-you". Personally, I don't think he'd "get it" so why waste my breath. He is back in my boys' lives (yes, MY boys, since he wasn't around in the last 11 years to participate in their growing up) and trying to be a father (and he's proving my point in doing a damn poor job), but I guess I have to let him try, just hope that I can pull any weeds of irresponsibility or criminal behavior before they blossom. Do I sound bitter? I try so hard not to let that show.....LOL!

 

[Polly]

My ex was as bad as everyone else's. By the time I left him for good (there were a few trial runs beforehand, during which time he'd cry and plead, and I'd go back for the sake of the kids) I felt like a huge burden had been lifted from my shoulders. Taking care of the kids and working was easy compared to all the abuse I used to have to take from him, AND work AND take care of the house and kids! It was much easier and more pleasant being on my own. I wasn't even lonely! I had long since left him emotionally, and spent all my time with my kids and my friends.

One thing we all have in common and can be proud of...we're survivors!

 

[Harrison]

Polly!!

Yaaay!!

Polly's here!

 

[Polly]

*blush* I like you too, pal! Liberalism and all!

 

[Harrison]

 

[Shewolf]

I, to, would like to say Thank U .........

......... Thank u to my first Husband! His violent temper taught me resourcefulness and courage in the face of danger and the damage he did to my eyes gave me new ways of seeing .............

I would also like to thank my 3rd Husband............. His relentless verbal abuse and ill treatment gave me the push I needed to fight my past and learn to stand on my own feet ............. I can truly say that without the assistance/input of these two 'wonderful' examples of the 'male of the species' I would not be the person I am today !!!

 

[Harrison]

Es tut mir leid.

Shewolf,

I am sorry. I hope you find, or have found, the ym who can help make up for what you have been through.

 

[Shewolf]

Re: Es tut mir leid.

Shewolf,

I am sorry. I hope you find, or have found, the ym who can help make up for what you have been through.

There is no need to be sorry.......... Without my past I would not be who I am today and I am PROUD of who I am today

There is no-one in my life, I don't envisage there ever being either............

On a side note, I would never expect anyone to 'make up' for the past ................

 

[Maria]

With my ex, the mommy's boy, I learned how much I can tolerate because of love. He showed me a woman I didn't know I was: patient, caring, forgiving, but still willing to listen to friends and good-intentioned people who saw my situation better than I could have ever seen it at that time.

I re-read that thread the other day...and I came accross some of my last words:

"Thank you all for all the words, all the patience, thanks Almeiraz for being there in the right moment. I'll stick around, of course, but I intend to come back with good news one day."

Now, how right was that?

 

[SnowPrincess]

Today we picked up 10 year old son from the ex's, I met his 24 yr old girlfriend for the first time, she was teary eyed my son was leaving (the ex and him had a fight).
I gave the ex's girlfriend a hug and said "thanks" She is good to our boy. She is very nice and now I am happy Ian has a nice step-mom-to-be. ( she was one of the women who was with my husband before I knew of it)
But she can have the grumpy ole ex, crabby ass anyday
The ex and our son made up via phone an hour ago, but damn it was a long drive! 3 hours there and 3 hours back!
No air in Wills truck, it was 90- something and HUMID. Blech........
And yep............the ex taught me alot, I can do things myself.
I no longer wish him harm, Ian loves him.....
An emothional day...............

 

[Genevieve]

Bad men are spiritual graces sent in disguise to teach us, through torment, to love ourselves.

Sarah Ban Breathnach Something More

And..

A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life, to be thankful for a good one. Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings

 

[whiterose]

Love those quotes Genevieve. I agree with them completely.

 

[Tru]

Gen

Thanks for sharing. Those are so true!!

 

[southerngal]

Ya know, thats the one thing I wanted to come back and say - that besides all the things I learned I could do by myself, falling in love and marrying a "bad boy" has certainly taught me that I now know you cant change them, ever, and that from now on I want one of the "good guys"

I read a cute little thing once that said something like "sometimes God lets us be with the wrong person first so we'll know when the right one comes along". I like that!!

Sherry

 

[awhi]

Thanks For Making Me Fighter

Has anyone ever heard the song "Fighter" by Christina Aguilera, that dirrty little girl from the Mickey Mouse Club LOL? It's actually a good song that speaks to the things that all of you have spoken about.

I didn't go through all of the abuse and tragedy that you OW have experienced, but I'll tell you about my one and only ex:

I was in my senior year of high school, she her junior year. When she dumped me after four months, I was devastated. She didn't come out and say it, but I think she felt I wasn't getting over a family crisis as quickly as she wanted me to do.

My parents, sister, and I were involved in a car accident that almost annihilated my family. My mother spent a whole year in the hospital and rehab from her injuries, and the rest of of had to live with my grandparents in their tiny, crowded townhouse. But like I said, my ex only gave me two months -- again, I don't know if anything else got her upset, because she refused to talk about her feelings or motivations after we broke up.

She played a lot of mind games with me after we broke up (and she's not the only reason I've turned away from YW!). But I learned how to survive on my own without her and I learned I was actually a lot more happy without her, in the lng run, than when I was with her. She wouldn't even let me hang out with my friends becuse HER friends were more important and better!

Oh well. You OW are the best, I really mean that. I admire the strength, courage, and wisdom of all of you. I wonder why all women can't be just like you, but then I stop myself, because that would take away your individuality and how special you are!

 

[HeatherLynn]

My ex husband was a control freak and I have dubbed him King Midas as everything he touches turns to gold but that includes his love in his heart and even his relationship with his child.

Money is his god.

Here is an example. We would travel and stay in expensive, 300-400 a night hotels, he would order me lobster room service (which I absolutely didnt need or care about) . Sounds sweet doesnt it? Yep, except for my checking account was always in the negative and he used to make me bounce grocery checks before he would put the money in my account to pay for them.

This is a man who made around 20,000.00 a month gross. His worth was around 5 million then,today is about 10. Not any Donald Trump but very comfy financially.

His wedding ring was full of diamonds, one of them alone insured for 10,000.00. The rest who knows, probably a total of about 20,000.00 in that custom made ring. My ring? Was a cubic Zirconia (87.00) from JC Penneys that he took me to pick out.

Why did I stay? Why did I marry this jerk ? Well we got engaged when he was still "somewhat" (god i was blind) nice and I got pregnant a few months after we got engaged .

I felt I owed it to my child to marry him and stay in it long enough to make sure we would be ok.

There is more, much more!! That is just the financial side to it. There was also the emotional, verbal and physical side. (spiritual too).

But I feel stronger, I feel more of a woman today than before I met him. I really feel like a survivor and a fighter!!

I didnt take him to court upon our divorce. Yes I really could have drug this guy through the system and probably come out way better than I did by doing it on my own. But, all I wanted was my little corner in the world , safe and happy and warm.
I didnt care about his fancy stuff. He even tries to take that awy from me now!! He thinks I took too much and I probably took, oh 5% if that!! Not even that. Since our divorce he used duress to steal my house back from me and a few other things. If we ever do end up in court I have a feeling the judge will slam him good. And probably give my house back to me.

So here I am and quite happy!!! Thank god for that experience and at the same time thank god I am now away from it. It made me grow through pain but now Im SO much more of a woman for it.

Heather

p.s. my YM wants to punch him in the nose