Meeting Your YM's Extended Family

[str8dyme25]

Anyone care to share your 'meeting the family' stories? How was it and were you nervous? Was your YM supportive?

I have already met my boyfriend's mom, her boyfriend, my b/f's best friend (who I am totally cool with), and most of his aunts, uncles and cousins the first day we met and he flashes my picture most of them so they pretty much know who I am.

This Saturday, his mom invited me to her boyfriend's family cookout and a few of his family members, friends and most of his mom's boyfriend's family will be there. His mom told everyone she knew at work and her boyfriend's family about me and my b/f said that they have been coming to him trying to give advice and question our relationship. I feel like if they are going to him with advice then they probably can't wait until I get to the cookout to bombard me with questions or nasty stares and snickers.

How was your experience with meeting family and friends? Should I take some liquor with me?

 

[cindee]

If I were you I would not worry. You obviously care very deeply for your ym and that will be evident, also your age gap is not big at all. I would say just be yourself and don't answer anything you don't feel comfortable answering. It's your business, not theirs. I don't suggest you bring alcohol as that only complicates things.


Good luck to you.

 

[miu]

Another vote for not bringing liquor... just from my own family's experiences. I find that a dessert is always welcome.

I met my YM's family after a month of being a couple. I was very nervous, but his mom was very warm and welcoming to me. The most important thing to her was that I made her son very happy and she had been told nice things about me by her son. I was staying at her house as my YM still lived at home. I did things like help setting the table and cleaning up after the meal, all things that my YM doesn't do. lol So be yourself and try to bond with the womenfolk. Have fun!!

 

[kezune]

Well mine was very scary because I got to meet his whole family at once. About 8 months into dating we went to his Sister's wedding together. All his family lived in different states from us so this was the occasion I got to meet them all. His mother, father, grandmother, grandfather, aunts, uncles, and cousins. Add in all the family friends invited to the wedding. Yep it was scary.
I stressed about it for 2 months. He keep telling me it would be fine.
He told me his family was very nice and normal people. Unlike my usual experience he did not lie. Everyone of his family members were wonderful, kind and welcoming to me. Now his sister and husband moved 15 mins from us and we hang out sometimes.

Now I can not wait for these people to be my family and they feel the same way. When we got engaged they all sent us card congradulating us. My family on the other hand well that is another story. They love my YM but they and not always so "normal or nice"

As for Alcohol might be a bit much for a first visit but it depends on the humor of his family. Ask him if they would get a kick out it.

 

[Strwbrries]

Well let's see I met Clint's mother and father at his 21st birthday dinner. We went out to eat. They were very nice but let me tell you I was so nervous and very quiet. After that I was invited to his mother's family reunion and met not only Clint's half sister on his father's side who is by the way 3 months older than I am but also the whole family on his mother's side. It was very awkward for me, I dont like meeting lots of new people all at once and I was introduced as "Clint's future wife" which was weird because I wasnt even engaged at the time. I am now though lol.

Thankfully they were very nice and more interested in each other than in me, and apparently AGR are nothing unusual in their families.

 

[Harrison]

...Thankfully they were very nice and more interested in each other than in me, and apparently AGR are nothing unusual in their families.

Yes, and when you are a minority or have some color in you, it's nice when there are no KKK types amongst your future in-laws. lol

I have not had that problem, thank goodness. I always feel sorry for couples that run into that. Every once in a while on Agelesslove that crap will pop up.

 

[miu]

I would also suggest dressing in an understated fashion. And if your YM can tell you about the people that will be at the party ahead of time, you will be able to meet them and talk less about yourself (unless asked) and show interest about what they do. I find when meeting people for the first time, it impresses people if you are a good conversationalist and part of that is being a good listener.

 

[Strwbrries]

Yes, and when you are a minority or have some color in you, it's nice when there are no KKK types amongst your future in-laws. lol

I have not had that problem, thank goodness. I always feel sorry for couples that run into that. Every once in a while on Agelesslove that crap will pop up.

HA! yeah I felt like I was the lone mexican at a republicans convention. Even Fiance said to his mother after he looked at his relatives "maw, theyre so...white." lol

Apparently a elderly aunt married a african american man and some distant cousin married some girl from el salvador...so hey there were 3 minorities at that family reunion.

 

[bijou]

I think the standard meeting the family thing applies: don't dress sexy, praise anything home made, help with the dishes and summon your best social skills.

I'd be as understated as possible. It's awkward and nervewracking being on display like this, and it's way better for people to leave feeling they didn't get a strong sense of who you are than for them to leave thinking, blimey, she's got a mouth on her, or some other unhelpful thing.

I still haven't met R's family, despite him wanting it to happen (long story) and do not look forward to it. For some, family is very important and this stuff just has to go well.

For others, like me, family is the "f" word and I'd rather not get entangled with any more of them than I have to.

You have to decide for yourself how much it matters - but whatever, I always find a lot of comfort in having taken the high road. So no matter how awkward or whether someone says something inappropriate, smilel, be gracious and come out with your head held high.

(Oh and btw: a small hip flask of vodka in the handbag can help with many difficult social situations*)



*j/k

 

[irparis]

Hi,
I don't think you have to worry. Just be yourself, laugh at the jokes just so they know you have a great sense of humour, eat and praise their food, bring dessert, so they won't think you're cheap and blend in with the best of them as you hold hands with your ym and should them that you're both in love.

I'm not worried for ya. In the end, most moms want that their sons will be well taken care of.

Paris

 

[thoughtcriminal]

Hi,

I'm not worried for ya. In the end, most moms want that their sons will be well taken care of.

Paris

I used to believe that was true, but to be honest, the mom of my YM tends to lecture him and belittle him in that "I'm just trying to help you" tone that is totally emasculating. I wish she would stop.

 

[str8dyme25]

Hello everyone! Well we decided to skip the barbeque because the only family member on my b/f's side of the family that was there was his mom and brother and I've already met them. We felt that it wasn't important for me to meet his mom's boyfriend's family just yet. We just hung out all weekend.

I briefly spoke to his mom this morning when she called my house looking for him. She was a little peeved because he hadn't told her his whereabouts which I can't blame her. I just hope that he is telling her that I have nothing to do with his not calling and missing appointments, etc.

 

[MisKryptonite]

Family Ties...sometimes the noose!

Hey, at least you got invited! My YM's mother is not happy about this at all. I haven't met any of them...and he goes all the time. I would never stop him from spending time with his family or the mother's boyfriend's family (especially not when HER boyfriend told my YM to go for it cause he thinks I'm HOTTT...lol) ummm... possibly the Mom's problem with a lot of this... I know , but I can't help the boyfriend's stupidity!
I've learned to accept that there will probably never be "shared family" holidays etc with his family, not to say that it doesn't hurt because his Mom won't even take the time to meet me a 2nd time, (the 1st time was an accident, we ran into her & her bf out to dinner) let alone get to know me... so consider yourself at least luckier than I am, Mom made an effort of acceptance for you. That's a step I can't even dream about just yet!