SheLikesKitties
OW/YM 21YR GAP
When you are the older partner, specially in OW/YM relationships, one feels the need to keep younger longer. At present I am exercising, dieting, and doing the usual skin care stuff. Anyone else doing similar stuff?
When you are the older partner, specially in OW/YM relationships, one feels the need to keep younger longer. At present I am exercising, dieting, and doing the usual skin care stuff. Anyone else doing similar stuff?
When you are the older partner, specially in OW/YM relationships, one feels the need to keep younger longer. At present I am exercising, dieting, and doing the usual skin care stuff. Anyone else doing similar stuff?
So I think in many respects the pressure is perhaps greater on the younger partner?
You mean you think the pressure for the younger partner to keep themselves looking young may be greater than for the older partner? That's an interesting perspective I'd never thought about.
For myself, I generally get along better with younger men, partly because the type of man I like tends to get into a solid relationship young and stay in it because he's a great partner, so I would usually have to date younger to find a suitable partner who is still single. I'm certainly not expecting him to remain looking youthful or to remain looking any certain way. I fall in love with his heart and soul. Looks are nice but definitely secondary.
That being said, I suppose the younger partner might think about it differently and have concerns about growing older and looking older and thinking they may get replaced by a "newer model." I guess that's where communication comes in. I wouldn't want my partner to worry about that any more than I'd want to have to worry about it.
Since you've been the younger partner in several relationships, have you ever found yourself feeling that way?
Yep that is what I mean. I know there are lots of variables of course too. A younger person marries and older one than 10 years down the track the older person starts looking "old" rather than older. Depending on what type of people are involved that could become a problem.
Has your definition of "younger" changed as you have gotten older? For eg when you were mid 30's younger would have been early 20's, as you got older than men in their 30's or even early 40's fit into the younger category?
I have been in relationships especially when I was much younger where I was basically a toy boy and arm candy. I wouldn't say that those relationships ended because I got older as such because they were more fun and for the moment than serious but to answer your question, yes, I knew I had to look good for the lady.
I got a bit of a thrill out of it though to be honest. If that were to happen in what I considered to be a serious relationship I would have to re evaluate. Sometimes that has happened.
I realized that the younger men approaching the older women was in fact the most common scenario ( so quite different from the cliché of the predatory "cougar").
This raises a question I have had about OW-YM relationships. The first time I did not go looking for a younger man, he came to me or rather circumstances put me in contact with me . After it first happened,I really struggled with it, as many women who came here also did. . From what I read on this forum and also on what Susan Winter's website I realized that the younger men approaching the older women was in fact the most common scenario ( so quite different from the cliché of the predatory "cougar").
That first relationship did not work out but it made me question a lot of the prejudices I had internalized about what love should be. After that, I did not actively go looking for a younger man but I did not push them away either, when they approached me. Because of the internet, it happened a few times whilst I also tried to date men in my age group or a bit older. It never worked out with the ":age appropriate "dates and I ended up in a relationship with a man 11 years younger than me.
For me it never was an ego thing, I felt flattered at first but with the man with whom I am now, age just does not register. I see him as him, not as a "younger man". I appreciate certain things that are linked to his age: he has beautiful long culrly hair and not a single silver thread... But I am not particularly proud to be with him because he looks younger.
In response to the question you asked Inamorata: no, my definition of younger did not change as I aged. It remained the same.
I would think that if the whole thing is primarily ego fed, than you would want to have a younger and younger lover to compensate for your own ageing. I am glad that my relationship is not based on my need to feed my ego.
That's been my experience as well Melusine. I have never pursued a younger man, or any man for that matter. I know women who prefer dating younger men because they've just had better experiences with them, but I don't know anyone who could be, even remotely, described as a 'cougar.'
I also agree that relationships that serve primarily to boost one partner's ego, are not true partnerships. I can't imagine being with a man I loved and wanting to ditch him because he started looking older, and I would never want to be with a man who felt that way. There is so much superficiality in all facets of life it seems. I find it very sad.
With the new Face App that everyone is using that makes people look younger, older, etc. Just for fun, I made my husband look older. I did not expect my own reaction. It made me so sad I cried. By the time he looks like the app, I will probably be dead and I wonder if he will be lonely. Am I not silly?
I got a bit of a thrill out of it though to be honest. If that were to happen in what I considered to be a serious relationship I would have to re evaluate. Sometimes that has happened.