Proper Time for Introductions???

[subarctic]

Here's the stitch.

My OM and I are currently are our clinical placement together at the same hospital.
On this particular day I'm working in the Cancer Clinic and know my grandfather has an appointment that day. I go up to see him and chat with him and my aunt and grandmother for a while than advise them to come down and see my in the lab if he has blood work.

As I'm about to go on lunch his order comes through and I wait for him to come down. My OM walks in ready to come and get me to bring me for lunch. As he sits down waiting I bring in my grandfather and proceed to do my job.

Background check: At this point in time, my whole family is pretty much null and void on our relationship. Neither accepting nor even really admitting that it exists. My grandfather is 83 and feeling ill again, thus his visit to the clinic.

Moving on: I battle in my head during the procedure about whether or not to introduce my grandfather to my OM as my bf. I have no idea his thoughts on the situation, if he has been made aware of it.
In the end, it won out that my place of work was not an appropriate time to introduce my grandfather to my OM and that with my grandfather already feeling sick and in pain as it was, I did not want to bombard with any further possible angst.

The result:
A very upset OM, who has advised me to let him know when I want the relationship to be real.

I know more than anything that our relationship is real, yet my entire family has washed their hands of it.

I let him know that I felt it was a very inappropriate time and had circumstances been different, for instance has we not been at work and had bumped into them than I most certainly would have introduced him. But in a work environment? Where he should be my co-worker, it's a very delicate situation and very atypical and I want a better setting for when I introduce him. Not the lab at the cancer clinic when he's sick...

He's still very upset over the matter and many a thing have been weighing on him lately and he's seems at his wits end.
I think he is forgetting though what I go through with my family everyday, and focusing on his own hurt feelings and all the negatives rather than the positives and the happiness that brought us together in the first place.

What I'm asking:
How can I show my OM this relationship is real even though my family denies it?
How can I help him to recognize all the positives and view them in the same light as the negatives so they don't weigh so heavily on him all the time?
Would you have introduced him at that time?
Thoughts please!!

 

[Stiletto]

You were correct, it was not the place and time.

I don't know how long you have been with your OM or how serious the two of you are, nor what your current living arrangements are. Are you considering moving in together, or has the relationship not progressed that far? When that time comes, your family may still not accept the relationship, and shoving it in their faces won't change that.

My mother still does not acknowledge my husband fully, and I have written off one brother because of his attitude, and possibly a sister as well. Their loss. We're happy.

 

[pinkunicorn]

I don't know your family, your personallity, or your om's personality. But if I were in that situation, I would have had no problem saying, "hey grandpa, I'd like youu to meet my boyfriend, OM. OM, this is my grandpa Jack."

I never gave a 2nd thought to whether my fam or my om's fam would accept our relationship.

 

[trolleycar]

I can not see where your family is being fair to you. They seem to want it there way and the heck with your happiness. The way I see it they should except you OM and keep there shut. They down not have to like it. AS I see it they are throwing a gilt trip on you. and straining your relationship with your OM. Also the way I see it it is your happiness should come first.
How to solve this problem with your family's outlook of the OM and the Relationship is out of my pay grade. As I did not meet my YW until the family had dwindled down to just
my self. But I can tell you that being alone is a lot worst. Think of your happiness first
and every think else is tied for last. The idea of waking up in the morning with my YW and not a big black Dog and two cats, is not in the same league my YW wins hand down and she does not have a cold wet nose and the dog snores .
I hope that your problem comes to a happy ending for you two.

 

[marklogan51]

What are you waiting for?

Since you did not give us a time table how long you both have been together I will assume a few things. You mentioned you want to show your significant other how important you care for him, then it is time for you to grow up. Family is very important but you have to decide if your OM is important enough to you in life to say I am with him. You have to live your life. What makes you happy. Your family can decide if they will accept or reject your relationship, but should it matter? Does your family respect you enough to respect your decision. The age difference is not the issue here. Is your commitment strong enough to take a stand?

Mark

 

[Stiletto]

Still thinking that, given your grandfather's age and state of health, it was not the place and time. When your grandfather is settled at home, health or no, and a bit more comfortable, you may wish to have a heart to heart with him and tell him there is someone special in your life that you really would like him to meet.. again though, how serious are you and your OM? Dating? No, I would not risk upsetting your grandfather for someone you are just dating.. but if you are talking marriage or moving in together in the near future.. then yes, by all means, let your grandfather know you have someone VERY special to you that you would like him to meet.

As an aside.. I took Chris, who was my fiance at that time, to my mother's home to meet her on mother's day, 2010, against the wishes of my brother's wife, who had decided it would be too hard on my mother (it wasn't) and had talked my sister into NOT calling me to let me know when she arrived (we'd planned for her to do so as I knew I could use a friendly face, but she is quite non confrontational for the most part).. that same sister has about had it with this in-law telling her how OUR mother is.. but I digress.. my point is, at some point, you introduce him to the family, and let the chips fall where they may. I don't regret for a moment being with Chris, even though it has put me at odds, very likely permanently, with a few family members. THEY don't keep me warm at night

 

[SheLikesKitties]

I agree that it was not the place nor the time. You want the moment of the introduction to be positive and calm, not painful and stressed. By the way, has he introduced you to his whole family?