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Putting the spark back into a relationhip

K

kas2004

Guest
Sometimes I wish that things were as exciting and passionate in my relationship as they were a couple of years ago. We love eachother and get along well for the most part but I feel like our relationship is really lacking in the romance department. It started when I got pregnant and was sick throughout my whole pregnancy and I didn't feel sexy at all and had no sexual desire at all. It has also been pretty hard since Connor was born. It is hard to explain. We don't cuddle and stuff like we used to and we usually go to bed at different times because my OM has to be to work at 6 in the morning so he usually goes to bed around 8 and at that point Connor is still awake so I have to stay up and get him ready for bed and then after he is in bed I like to take some time to unwind and watch TV or something without being disturbed by the baby and I would love to take this time to spend with my OM but he is already sleeping. When we are able to spend time together we are not as affectionate toward eachother as we once were. Lately I have been trying harder to be more affectionate (actually, have more sex *blush* ;) ) and it seems to have helped us get along much better than we were but I still feel the spark is gone. Any advice or suggestions on how to make things exciting again and to "rekindle" our love and romance again?
 
B

Bella_D

Guest
Kas2004,

The best person to talk about this with is your husband.
Also, I feel that perhaps you're letting your child control your life too much; children can be disciplined to go to sleep earlier than 8pm, if you are inclined to take matters into your own hands. My parents made all six of us go to sleep at 6pm up until we were teenagers, so they could have ome sort of life.

Just a thought.
 
M

MadBess

Guest
Bella-- 6PM????? Your parents made you go to bed at 6 PM????? Until you were teenagers??? I remember going to bed at 8:30 when I was a kid and 9:00 on the weekends, but 6PM was always dinner time! That is shocking to me.

kas, I have no advice because I don't have children so I have never been in this exact position. My husband is actually out of town for 4 out of 7 days a week, so needless to say we don't have a lot of time in bed together. But I do find that when we DO get time together, we spend a lot of time just snuggling and talking. It is actually our best time to communicate with each other there in the dark. It usually only happens once a week - and sex is sometimes less often than that, but for me that one night a week makes a world of difference.

Is there a way to be able to get to go to bed at the same time once or twice a week? Maybe that means a babysitter, maybe that means the baby goes down earlier, maybe that means your husband stays up later, but I do think it is important (as you obviously do) to spend that time as a couple.

Good luck!
 
K

kas2004

Guest
Holy sheep! If I put him to bed at 6:00, he'd be up and ready to go at 4 a.m. No way am I getting up that early, LOL! Thanks for the suggestion though. I have actually tried putting him to bed at 7:00 and it just doesn't fly. We do have the weekends where my OM doesn't have to go to bed so early and we stay up/go to bed together but we still end up not being as romantic as we should. I remember when just going for a walk in the park or even just a drive in the car was meaningful and fun with him. Now, the only exitement we get is going to Walmart, lol. Whoever said that we need to talk about it together is right. I think that it will take effort on both our parts. Date night once a week is also a good idea. Thanks!

*also just wanted to add that Connor is only 11 months old. I wasn't aware that he could have too much control :confused:
 
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EMCAD80

Guest
I don't have children, nor am I married. But when romance starts to dwindle after time...it takes some work...on both ends.

Maybe when you and your honey establish a "date night" and Connor (I love that name by the way) has a babysitter...here is a little something I did for my then SO:

Took off from work 3 hours early.
Went and bought something sexy to wear, some candles, and some rose petals.

When I got home, I started a lasagna, set the table, lit the candles.

I took a bath, got all prettied up, dressed in my sexy new lingerie and set a note card on the stand next to the door. I sent him on a small scavenger hunt. The beginning envelope gave him a clue where to find the next. When he got to the next envelope there was something waiting for him (for later use) such as body paints, edible underware (hee hee), stuff like that...and a little note saying why I loved him. The last envelope led him right to me!! After a while in the bedroom, you work up an appitite for dinner...and it's already set as a romantic atmosphere.

Make a night of it, be different, spontaneous and see if something can be jump started from there ;)
 
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EMCAD80

Guest
p.s.

During certain times of the year it's still day light at 6pm!!! I just don't get it:confused:
 
B

Bella_D

Guest
Giggle :)

Wow, I guess not many people grew up like me. I feel a bit like an alien now!

BTW, My parents had six children and were early risers because of their work. We also lived in the country, and had to feed (what felt like) billions of animals and pets before school. I loved the early mornings! I suppose thats why the early bed-time for us.? (or maybe they were just very.... uhem...passionate?:)

I really hate when my timetable winds up incompatible with my partner....its hasn't happened yet with my current partner, but I know how it feels. When you don't really sort it out between you, a week without sex can easily turn into two or three....and it doesn't feel very nice!.

I'm really happy to hear that Kas is foucsing on the issue before it becomes a major issue....all the best to you!
 
D

datura81

Guest
Well you just have to show that baby who's BOSS. :D

Seriously though I've read that post-pregnancy, your hormones can be low or off-kilter for a while. Maybe up to a couple of years. Hormones be damned though. Those are nothing that a little Astroglide and friendly contact can't overcome. I think time is the main problem and as unsexy as it is you just may have to plan.
 
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