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Sleeping arrangements


New member
My bf and I have been together almost 2 years. He has an 11 year old son, and I have two teenagers 15 and 17.

There are 4 bedrooms upstairs. The extra bedroom is my sanctuary, my quiet space, my spiritual room. It's the only place in the house that is truly my own.

My bf's son usually sleeps downstairs on the couch when they come over. If my children were younger, I would have had him sleep on a mattress on the
floor in one of the kids bedrooms. But, that's not an option.

His son has expressed a few times that he doesn't like sleeping downstairs by himself. My bf uses reasons why he can't sleep down there, because, of course, he wants
to sleep upstairs with me.

I don't know what to do. If the room was merely a storage room or a craft room or anything else, I wouldn't care. But, it's MY room. I've been a single mother for a
very long time, and having a space to myself where I can meditate and paint and relax is important to me.

As I write this, I do wonder if there's some deeper reason...I feel that there is...but, on the surface, I truly don't want to give up my last remaining space.

Any thoughts? Btw, we have a 19 year age difference. I'm 53 and he's 34.


How often does he come over, and for how long does he stay?
Are your teens boys? girls?
Can you put a folding cot in your private room for those few nights when he stays over?
Can your two children sleep together and lend him one of their rooms?
If it was me, I would definitely try to accomodate the boy as much as possible so he does not feel like a second class citizen... but then, I am not there, you are there and you know your reality.

Good luck and wisdom.


New member
If you love this man and want to continue a relationship, his son needs to be made to feel like he's part of the family and not just an unwanted visitor. You need to find a way to do that. It sounds like he's not there all the time. Maybe you could find a way to share either with one of your boys or your 'sanctuary'. When you take another parent into your home, you also need to welcome their child/children. You would expect the same for your kids? I would.

When I have overnight guests, family or other, I give up my 'sanctuary' room so they feel comfortable. I would never look at it as a hardship to do this. I look at it as a welcome to my home and I'm glad you are here and hope you feel at home and are comfortable.