Those in AGRs for a long time, what are the top 3-5 tips you can offer?

[whiterose]

Even though the site has been slow for a while, we still have new members who enroll all the time. There are still people out there who need help and support. Those of you who have been in age gap relationships for a while who still stop by the site, please share for our new members the top 3-5 (or more) tips you can offer to those who may be on the fence about whether to proceed with an age gap relationship.

 

[Hannah&Clive]

For me, I'd have to say the best advice is to ignore the noise. Clive and I have a 38 year age gap. We've been together 2 years so we've both heard remarks in public places.

"She must be a sugar baby"
"She's only with him for his money"
"He's a cradle snatcher"

It's hard not to bite but you need to block it out. Don't let strangers make you question what you have. We have a loving relationship and that is what matters. You and your partner are what's important, not the gossip from people you don't know. And thankfully for us, our families have been very supportive. Admittedly surprised at first, but supportive.

So focus on yourselves and not what other people think. Otherwise you'll let it get you down and it will interfere with what could be the best thing in your life!

The other tip I would give is to find some common interests. There is a good chance you may enjoy different things, no different to any relationship but more likely in an AGR. If this is the case find some new interests that you both enjoy. And discovering new activities together is very rewarding, even if turns out its not your thing. At the very least you'll have an experience together.

 

[Slow Worm]

we've both heard remarks in public places. "She must be a sugar baby" "He's a cradle snatcher"

Which given that you are 34 is plain silly, unless they are mistaking you for a teenager.

 

[Corsair]

1/ Attitudes like "They are old/young enough to be mother/father/daughter/son etc" are stupid. A person your own age is old enough to be your sibling! The fact is they aren't related, end of story.

2/ Age is in your head. You get immature older people and mature young people.

3/ Are you really willing to walk away from a potentially loving relationship just because they are older/younger than yourself?

4/ Forget about what people will think. They don't care about you anyway.

5/ See the person for who they are, not their age.

 

[SheLikesKitties]

1. Be ready to ignore stranger's unpleasant comments, but do not allow actual disrespect from friends or relatives.
2. Do not keep the age gap as a center of your private conversations. It is really no big deal.
3. Your age gap is nobody's business, you do not have to explain, or justify your relationship.
4. Be patient, one day you will really forget there is an age gap, and everybody will forget too.
5. Support age gap forums like AgelessLove. There is so much wisdom here.

 

[Corsair]

Probably more something to keep in mind if the woman is the older one but think about if you want children or not. Age plays a part in the ability to reproduce, if you do want kids then getting involved with a woman in her 40's or older is probably not the best thing to do.

Also in regards to reproduction older people may not want kids. I work with one man in his mid 40s who has just had his first child, great and all but when I think that he will be in his mid 60's by the time that kid grows up it is something to consider.

Unpopular thoughts I know but something that can play a part in a relationship and how well it runs and how long it lasts. You have to be honest about what you are wanting.

 

[Hannah&Clive]

I completely agree Corsair. An excellent point.

Clive and I have discussed this. We are both happy as currently are, but if we do decide to try for a baby we've had the open conversation about what it would mean and how it would work. You have to be honest with each other, and there are factors that relationships without significant age-gaps have to be as focused and understanding on.

We feel in a good place about it, but most likely only because we trusted each other and respected each other to have that discussion.

Communication is key.