You don't know how much this forum has helped me just in that I don't feel so totally alone anymore...
I've cried every freaking night for like 3 weeks now, supremely out of character for me.
I am 23 and he is 50 and I would do anything for him. I love him. I have thought about the upsides and downsides of an age gap this big and I...
[am crying just writing this] would do anything just to be with him.
[guys, I'm sorry, this is a long post, but I just need to get it out. Don't feel you have to read the whole thing...]
Anyhow I have known this man for several years now, as a casual acquaintance. Then my sister died a week before Christmas in 2011, and my world fell apart. He was one of the people who was there for me in a very real way, [not just platitudes and flowers, but simple understanding and a hug or two]
We ended up doing some projects together and spending long hours working on stuff in his apartment [legitamately, that was ALL we did
] and then going out for dinner together cause it was convenient. Well, it spiralled, and anyone who saw us would've assumed we were together.
A few months ago, we finally talked about it for a few weeks/months... and at first it was simple and the most beautiful thing ever. Discovering someone loves you for exactly who you are is the most precious thing ever.
Then I found out how old he was, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. [I had previously guessed he was 40- he's super fit and young at heart- never married, no kids, basically perfect]
So I had a lot of more serious thinking to do. But I came to my conclusions- I want him anyways. The age gap bothers him much more than me. it was frustratingly inconclusive and we went in circles, it seemed, although admitting deep mutual caring and attraction. We decided to let it be and see what happened.
Acting as friends, we hung out and had wonderful times. Went to movies, for walks in the park, and he asked me to a party as a date. The real problem was how hard I was falling for him. Like I would always be SOOOOOOO close to just stopping him in any random hallway or sidewalk and just kissing him like mad. I can't stress enough how CLOSE i was.
In short, I couldn't handle being friends anymore because I wanted him in entirely different ways. [If I was terribly honest I'd have to admit that my sexual attraction to him ruined the perfect, wonderful friendship we had.]
So before I went completely mad, I wrote him a letter admitting I love him. [it was humorous and heartfelt, not clingy]
Gave it to him 3 weeks ago, and although he read it with great care, he eventually said he doesn't feel the same way.
Here's the thing. I could accept it if I believed him. I've had lots of guys who didn't want me at all, who I thought I loved. But I have good reason to suspect he cares much more deeply than he's letting on. The way I see it, he's choosing to suffer in silence and pretend he doesn't want me in order to do what HE thinks is best for me.
Maybe I'm deluded, convincing myself.
All this stuff we were doing- movies, parties, etc. He had somehow convinced himself he was doing a great job at just being friends.
Now who's deluded?
If you've read this far, you are really some kind of online superhero-ninja.
I just want to know how I can treat him in order to show him he can actually trust me, and how to stay strong and independant and interesting and compassionate and loving at the same time.
Have any of you had this experience, where it's hard for an older guy to open up to a younger woman?
Sometimes he would smile benevolently and just tell me I was naive. This was one of the few times I've been mad at him. I may not be 50 but I have been through some major life situations that give me more depth than most guys my age. [This is another problem. I've been so spoiled by how well he treated me that it makes every other guy look like a loser at best, or a jerk, at worst. I'm scared I'll never want someone my own age again...]
This man has shown me the closest thing to heaven I've ever known, just to be locked in his arms and surrender to his strength and warmth...
and now, to be honest, it hurts like, well, the opposite of heaven.
If you saw how he treated me, the gentleness with which he held me at my sister's grave, the way he smiles when I'm around, the way he jokes with me... You would know why I love this man far too much for my own good.
I just want to break through the pessimistic, crusty shell he's hiding in. There's gold in him. Now that I've seen the beauty in him, I can't 'un-see' it, unfortunately.
Half my family loves him, the other half hates him because they think he's not good enough for me.
Sincerely,
me. [the girl with the sad smile]
I've cried every freaking night for like 3 weeks now, supremely out of character for me.
I am 23 and he is 50 and I would do anything for him. I love him. I have thought about the upsides and downsides of an age gap this big and I...
[am crying just writing this] would do anything just to be with him.
[guys, I'm sorry, this is a long post, but I just need to get it out. Don't feel you have to read the whole thing...]
Anyhow I have known this man for several years now, as a casual acquaintance. Then my sister died a week before Christmas in 2011, and my world fell apart. He was one of the people who was there for me in a very real way, [not just platitudes and flowers, but simple understanding and a hug or two]
We ended up doing some projects together and spending long hours working on stuff in his apartment [legitamately, that was ALL we did
] and then going out for dinner together cause it was convenient. Well, it spiralled, and anyone who saw us would've assumed we were together.A few months ago, we finally talked about it for a few weeks/months... and at first it was simple and the most beautiful thing ever. Discovering someone loves you for exactly who you are is the most precious thing ever.
Then I found out how old he was, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. [I had previously guessed he was 40- he's super fit and young at heart- never married, no kids, basically perfect
] So I had a lot of more serious thinking to do. But I came to my conclusions- I want him anyways. The age gap bothers him much more than me. it was frustratingly inconclusive and we went in circles, it seemed, although admitting deep mutual caring and attraction. We decided to let it be and see what happened.
Acting as friends, we hung out and had wonderful times. Went to movies, for walks in the park, and he asked me to a party as a date. The real problem was how hard I was falling for him. Like I would always be SOOOOOOO close to just stopping him in any random hallway or sidewalk and just kissing him like mad. I can't stress enough how CLOSE i was.
In short, I couldn't handle being friends anymore because I wanted him in entirely different ways. [If I was terribly honest I'd have to admit that my sexual attraction to him ruined the perfect, wonderful friendship we had.]
So before I went completely mad, I wrote him a letter admitting I love him. [it was humorous and heartfelt, not clingy]
Gave it to him 3 weeks ago, and although he read it with great care, he eventually said he doesn't feel the same way.
Here's the thing. I could accept it if I believed him. I've had lots of guys who didn't want me at all, who I thought I loved. But I have good reason to suspect he cares much more deeply than he's letting on. The way I see it, he's choosing to suffer in silence and pretend he doesn't want me in order to do what HE thinks is best for me.
Maybe I'm deluded, convincing myself.
All this stuff we were doing- movies, parties, etc. He had somehow convinced himself he was doing a great job at just being friends.
Now who's deluded?
If you've read this far, you are really some kind of online superhero-ninja.
I just want to know how I can treat him in order to show him he can actually trust me, and how to stay strong and independant and interesting and compassionate and loving at the same time.
Have any of you had this experience, where it's hard for an older guy to open up to a younger woman?
Sometimes he would smile benevolently and just tell me I was naive. This was one of the few times I've been mad at him. I may not be 50 but I have been through some major life situations that give me more depth than most guys my age. [This is another problem. I've been so spoiled by how well he treated me that it makes every other guy look like a loser at best, or a jerk, at worst. I'm scared I'll never want someone my own age again...]
This man has shown me the closest thing to heaven I've ever known, just to be locked in his arms and surrender to his strength and warmth...
and now, to be honest, it hurts like, well, the opposite of heaven.
If you saw how he treated me, the gentleness with which he held me at my sister's grave, the way he smiles when I'm around, the way he jokes with me... You would know why I love this man far too much for my own good.
I just want to break through the pessimistic, crusty shell he's hiding in. There's gold in him. Now that I've seen the beauty in him, I can't 'un-see' it, unfortunately.
Half my family loves him, the other half hates him because they think he's not good enough for me.
Sincerely,
me. [the girl with the sad smile]
