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When it hits you that you could REALLY be closer...

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Mishigas73

Guest
I have the opportunity to go from a 2 1/2 hour flight to a 2 1/2 hour drive. And, I have my man offering to foot the bill for the move, and whatever else I need.

No, seriously, everytime I talk about "finances", it's not a question. And, as a matter of fact, it almost seems like it's offensive to him that I even mention it.

The issue is that I DO want to move, but wasn't expecting it to be so quick, and I certainly did NOT expect for him to foot the bill.

So, yeah, I'm going to be going from 1100 miles to less than 150 miles. And, he wants me there....

But, at what cost?

I would really like to have responses to this....
 
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RobsGirl

Guest
Mis, this is kind of a no-brainer, don't you think? If you don't mind moving, if you don't have a problem with it and you have a chance to be near the guy you love, what the heck's keeping you?? Start packing!!!
 
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Mishigas73

Guest
Is it a no-brainer? Really?

I'm seriously asking this, because I honestly don't see it that way.

But, maybe I should. Maybe I should just be excited that he wants me there, and is willing to foot the bill.
 

whiterose

Administrator
Mishigas, just curious, is there some reason why you could not move all the rest of the way and live in the same town?
 
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RobsGirl

Guest
Um, yes, Mis, you SHOULD be happy - but, you're not. So, ask yourself. Why aren't you happy about this? Esp. since he's willing to foot the bill to move you?

Are you upset because he's not moving to you?
Have the two of you discussed who would move and when?
Are you indelibly tied to that area? (In my case, I am, I cannot leave this area due to production - Rob was coming here anyway, he's part of the production team, he just chose to come early so we could be together.)
What is keeping you in that area? Family? Children?
Have the two of you discussed who is going to make concessions in regard to the relationship when it comes to moving?

And, yeah, what Kat said, why can't you live in the same town? Is this guy married or something?
 
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jellybean400

Guest
I would ask most of the same questions as above:

do you love where you live now?
do you feel you'd lose independence?
are you not ready to live close to him?

I was going to start another thread before about some people in LDR's (maybe i still will), wondering if they really subconsciously WANT to stay in LDRs.

I've met a guy online who lives 8 hours away...we've been chatting for about a month or so, and we've been wanting to meet since the start. He cant make the drive, so i'm gonna make it as soon as the renovations on my house are almost done.

I cant IMAGINE waiting to be with someone i care about. Not that i'm moving yet, though!
 

whiterose

Administrator
So, what is vexing you the thought of such a big move? That is quite a distance to move. Is that what's on your mind? That it's so far away and now you finally have the opportunity, it seems like it's happened so suddenly?
 
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Mishigas73

Guest
Molly...

He lives in Vancouver, I'm currently living in Los Angeles. In order for us to be "closer", it's me that has to move. DAMN the geography, but, yeah, that's the reality.

As far as me "being here". It's comfortable, but definitely NOT a place that I cannot leave.

LOL...he's not married or something lame like that.

It would NEVER have been over a year and a half if THAT were the case.

But, he DOES have baggage. And, I guess, that's what's holding me back.

I can't just move to the same town because of the international border.
 
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Mishigas73

Guest
I cant IMAGINE waiting to be with someone i care about. Not that i'm moving yet, though!

Yet, you still are waiting to meet your man, no?

Maybe if I were a different person, I could *tee hee* accept his offer to foot the bill for "what I need with the move", without reservation.

But, for me, there's an idea of "doing it myself" that is overpowering....

For better or worse.
 
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jellybean400

Guest
Well then , you'll have to wait and "do it yourself." Only YOU know yourself.

Yes, i'm still waiting, but i havent "known" him that long either. I cant leave right now because my contractor needs me here.
 
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Mishigas73

Guest
Well then , you'll have to wait and "do it yourself." Only YOU know yourself.

Yes, i'm still waiting, but i havent "known" him that long either. I cant leave right now because my contractor needs me here.

Yeah...

Your contractor needs you there. Yet, you can't IMAGINE being away from your man.


Really. Your story has given me a reason to just "do it", because most of these "excuses" are just that..."excuses".

Thank you very much.
 
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RobsGirl

Guest
Mis, that was rather rude, don't you think? Jelly is just trying to help - there's no need to dissect her relationship or anybody else's for that matter, you asked, you're getting answers.

Look, you either want to be with this guy or you don't. He's offered to move you to Vancouver. Weigh the pros and cons - what are the options here?

The guy has baggage - that's obviously something you don't want to deal with. Okay, con number one.

You love the guy, that's a pro, but he's not willing to move and you're not willing to move, what the hell is the point? Do you want to stay in an LDR forever? LDRs are VERY hard and I think I'm relaying the truth when I say that for most of the women here in an LDR if they were given the chance you've been given, the majority of them would jump at it or at least try to find some way to make it work for both parties involved.

What this boils down to is that you don't want to move right now, this second. You're obviously not comfortable with it, so, don't move. But the reality is that you're going to have to decide to do something because he's probably always going to have baggage and if he's not willing to leave BC you're probably going to be stuck in this cycle for a really long time. Is that what you truly want?
 

jesique

2 Legit 2 Quit
I agree...that was rude to jellybean and very uncalled for.

I'm not sure what you want from us?

I know most people in LDR's would give their left foot for the chance to be closer to their SO.

When I moved to NC from TX...you'd better believe that Alec footed the bill. There was no way we could have been together if he hadn't. And despite all of our obsticles....we made it work.

So it seems as though you need to look inside yourself and figure out the reasons your holding back and not jumping at the chance to move.

The questions posed by Molly, Jellybean, and Whiterose are excellent starting points for YOU to figure out what's going on in YOUR head. Because there's go to be some reason you're not chomping at the bit to move closer to your "love."

Nadine.
 
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Mishigas73

Guest
Mis, that was rather rude, don't you think? Jelly is just trying to help - there's no need to dissect her relationship or anybody else's for that matter, you asked, you're getting answers.

Yeah. THANKS.

It was MY RESPONSE. As far as RUDENESS...that apparently is judged according to the person responding.

She's "just trying to help"? Ok then. Maybe I didn't get the memo on this.

I responded with my feelings. Screw me for that, apparently.

Look, you either want to be with this guy or you don't. He's offered to move you to Vancouver. Weigh the pros and cons - what are the options here?

No, actually, I'm moving to Seattle. And, yes, I want to be with this guy. I want to have a "normal" dating relationship. My options? Moving to Seattle or staying in Los Angeles.

The guy has baggage - that's obviously something you don't want to deal with. Okay, con number one.

You love the guy, that's a pro, but he's not willing to move and you're not willing to move, what the hell is the point? Do you want to stay in an LDR forever? LDRs are VERY hard and I think I'm relaying the truth when I say that for most of the women here in an LDR if they were given the chance you've been given, the majority of them would jump at it or at least try to find some way to make it work for both parties involved.

Yeah. You know what? The first thing that I thought about was how many people in my position would JUMP at the chance. LDR's SUCK. I KNOW that. And, there are so many women who would give their right leg for what I have. Now....taking that into consideration....do you have anything of import to say?

I mean, other than I should just move and be quiet about it. LMAO

What this boils down to is that you don't want to move right now, this second. You're obviously not comfortable with it, so, don't move. But the reality is that you're going to have to decide to do something because he's probably always going to have baggage and if he's not willing to leave BC you're probably going to be stuck in this cycle for a really long time. Is that what you truly want?

Fact of the matter is that I'm at a point where my man wants me where he is. Or, at least, at the border.

Gee, I'm SO sorry that I missed the memo about how I should be sensitive to others when they show me NO SUCH CONSIDERATION.

Care to continue?
 
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RobsGirl

Guest
Ok, Mis, this is not the first time you've pulled this crap and I'm sure it won't be the last - NOBODY was rude to you, least of all me. YOU were rude to Jelly. Now you're being rude to me. You do this every time you post, do you realize that? You get totally flipped when somebody doesn't tell you what you want to hear - we cannot read your mind, what do you WANT us to tell you? We're all giving you information and opinions based upon our own experiences with LDRS. Quit being such a ***** and listen - take what you can use and discard the rest. That's what offering advice and support is all about.

And your feelings are allowed, but you don't vent them at the expense of others. It's a rule we're supposed to all adhere to and granted, we don't all do well with it all the time, but at least we TRY. You're not even trying.

Seattle is not a bad option, at least it's still in the states for the time being. I can see where that would be an option, moving to Canada is a pain. So you'll be 1.5 hours a way or something, better that than a huge distance away.

And there ARE women who would love to get the chance you've been given - Kat comes to mind. If she could have Reni over here, someway, some how, she'd do it in a heartbeat. That IS important. You treat this as if you are the ONLY woman on earth to ever be in an LDR.

Nobody is *****ing at you, they're talking to you. They're telling you how THEY feel because it's what they KNOW. Some of these women have been in LDRs a heck of a lot longer than you have, take their words and see what you can apply or learn from their experiences.
 
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Mishigas73

Guest
I agree...that was rude to jellybean and very uncalled for.

Was it? Really?

Gee....so damned SORRY that I'm having second thoughts about this.

But, oh yeah, tee hee, I shouldn't be. So, whatever.....apologies to all of the "regulars" on this board.

Seriously, though, if someone has something pertinent to say, it would be greatly appreciated.
 
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Mishigas73

Guest
Molly...

Wait a second. I thought that this was a SUPPORT forum.

Oh, but, wait, I haven't bowed down to those who are the "elite here"?

I simply put my own issue forward.

And, yeah...

Thanks to all who have actually taken my issue seriously. LMFAO.
 
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