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Would this work?

Molly

New member
I am 44 years old. I do not know how old he is, might be in 20s or 30s.
I worked before I came back to school. We both are PhD students now. We met in the beginning of this month in a scientific event. I think to him it was love at first sight.
To me, it was not. I know he must be much younger than me. Most PhD students in this country are in their middle 20s. But I sent his picture to a friend of mine. My friend says he should be in his early 30s. He is Caucasian, and is very very attractive kind.
He probably does not know how old I am. I did something very crazy last weekend. I went to street, and randomly selected some people and asked them how old they think I am, and I asked them to tell me honest opinion. Most of them said middle 30s, a few said late 20s. When I told them I am 44, they told me that I do not look like 44, because I look very athletic, and probably because of my small body frame. I am Asian.
The even went on for 3 days, and all the time he was trying hard to catch my attention. I did not respond. All I was thinking this would not work anyway because of the huge age gap. He is so attractive, he can pick up any attractive girl he wants.
I enjoyed very much all his effort. I felt so flattered to have so attractive a guy to make such effort for me. I thought I should be strong enough to resist.
But after coming back from the event, I found myself already fallen for him, quite infatuated way.
So I sent him invitation on facebook today. He accepted my invitation, and responded very delightful way. Very appropriate, all words. He saw I am very shy kind.
Today after work, I went through his facebook, looked at his pictures. On some pictures he looked so young, I considered the year it was taken. I think there is good chance that he is in his middle late 20s. Most likely we are about 15+ years apart.
Then I started to think I have to be extremely selfish to hope him to be with me, then I started to cry.
He is very social person, very upbeat kind. I do not know how many girlfriend he had before, but I know he had at least one serious girlfriend.
I am much older, but believe me or not, I never had boyfriend, always busy with independently making living for myself.

He never asked me out, I do not know if he would ever ask me out. But in any case, probably I should not hope.
 

Inamorata

Member
Hey Molly,

We could ask this question about any relationship. Even if you were both the same age, there is no guarantee that a relationship will work. People who are close in age are breaking up every day.

What I would not do would be to assume that an age difference means a relationship is doomed. I was extremely happily married to a man 15 years younger than me for many years. When the marriage eventually broke up it had nothing to do with the age difference (he suffered brain damage) and he still prefers older women and we are still good friends.

When I go to online dating sites, I am swamped with men 20 or 30 years younger than me who want to date me. As women, we are so conditioned to think of ourselves as commodities that we come to believe that we lose value as we age. That's not true; it's just a good marketing tool to get us to spend all our money on wrinkle creams, weight loss products and plastic surgery. I am so much more confident, fun, knowledgeable and relaxed than I was when I was younger. I have a lot more to give a man and there are many men who appreciate that.

Look at the president of France. He's 39 and his wife is 64 and they've been happily married for over ten years and it's quite obvious that he adores her. He's handsome, rich and powerful. He could have anyone he wants and he chose her. Maybe you should go to the Happy YM/OW Stories section and read the posts there. Compatibility is based on so many things that you can't predict the success of a relationship on any one detail like age, ethnicity, height, weight, or income.

I would suggest that you ask him for coffee and see how it goes. Don't look at it as a date; look at it as a chance to get to know another human being who you find fascinating and who obviously likes you. As with any meeting, it may go nowhere or it may turn into a friendship... or maybe something more. ;) Good luck!
 

SheLikesKitties

OW/YM 21YR GAP
I am 21 years older than my husband. We have been together for almost 14 years, and we are going strong. Since you two are friends on FB, let's see what develops. Like his posts and show interest in him. He hopefully will get the hint and message you.

Good luck!
 

SummerBob

Super Moderator
I think any relationship could work, or any relationship could not work. It depends on your character, disposition, interests, beliefs and desires. A lot depends what is important to you. It's like saying someone who's a Republican can't have a relationship with someone who's a Democrat. For someone who is serious about their political views, takes them to heart and puts high importance on it, the relationship probably won't work. For many people, they may believe and vote a certain way, but it's not the end of the world to them and they could find other things in common with people who have different political views. It's the same thing with age.
 

earl_wh

New member
Nobody can possibly know in advance that a relationship WOULD work. But if your question is whether it COULD work, even with a significant age difference, the answer is absolutely yes.

Somebody mentioned President Macron and his wife, but there are numerous other examples of relationships with big age differences that have worked wonderfully. My favorite example of a celebrity couple with an age gap that dwarfs yours is Joan Collins and her husband. She's 32 years older than him, they've been married for 15 years, and are still going strong. It's her 6th marriage, and all 5 of the previous ones were to supposedly more "age appropriate" men. NONE of her previous marriages lasted as long as this one has, and the longest previous one only lasted about 11 years.

There is also the late Mary Tyler Moore, who was married for the last 33 years of her life to a man who was 15 years younger than her. That far outlasted her previous two marriages to men who would typically be considered more "age appropriate."

If two people "connect," if they share fundamental values and bring out the best in each other, a relationship between them can work, regardless of the age difference. And if they don't, a relationship isn't going to work, regardless of their ages. Can age differences sometimes add complications to a relationship? Of course, but so can ANY differences, and there are going to be differences between any two people.
 
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