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Yearning for the younger him


New member
Hi everyone, new to this forum, thought I might find some like minded folk here as my last two relationship s have been with much older men.

Yesterday me (30f) and my boyfriend of two years (49m) were looking through some photos from his younger days. I found myself feeling really sad that I never knew the young, fit energetic version of him. I love him very much but he is not very healthy and his energy levels aren't high and it's frustrating sometimes. I wondered if he'd even want to be with me when he was that good looking and young (I'm not equally as attractive as he was). It has made me feel like I've lost out on a lot of potential life experience with him and have fast forwarded to the older version who gets tired easily and will need looking after in years to come. Has anyone else ever experienced this longing for the past version or wishing that you could have been born earlier or later so you could be the same age? It's a really weird regretful feeling, not nice. Why can't we have been born at the same time :-(


New member
We have the same age difference! I'm 28, my fiance is 47. We've been together almost 8 years.

As for me, no, I've never really felt that. My fiance has, though. He used to say things along those lines in the beginning. Then just recently he was saying that he wishes we were the same age when we met and could have had more years together, that sort of thing. He's going through some (relatively minor) health issues right now, so that has him in a bit of a funk.

But I see things differently. If we'd both been 20 when we met, we might not have even been compatible (and I actually don't think we would have been). If you change the timing and the circumstances, you might not be the same people, and you might not have even dated in the first place. Or you could have dated and broken up after a few months because it just didn't work. Timing and circumstance matter. You change that, and you might not have the relationship you have today.


My husband is 21 years younger than I, and has been to the hospital more times than I since we have been together (13 years). Health is not something that is guaranteed with youth.

Having said that, one of my best friends is married to a guy who is older than her, maybe what, 10, 15 years, and she has changed his life! He eats only heathy food, exercises regularly, has lost weight, does not get edema as before. She even dyes his hair, and he looks great.

I do wish I could have given my husband a child. He would have been a great dad. Too late for that. I told him that if he ever wanted a child, I would not stand in his way.


Super Moderator
It's a really weird regretful feeling, not nice. Why can't we have been born at the same time :-(

Why did Adam and Eve eat the apple? Why is there world hunger? There are a lot of things in life that just suck, and the best we can do is make the best of it. If you fell in love with your OM, then you fell in love with who is was when you met him. You never met the younger version of him.
You never know, you may not have even liked him then. He may have had a different personality, different character and a demeanor that you may not have been on the same wavelength with. Just because he was good-looking and energetic doesn't necessarily mean you would have hit it off. There's more that goes into a relationship than just the body.